Limerence getting too intense
Today I saw my LO (physiotherapist) for the second appointment and boy was it intense.
On my first appointment, within 3 mins she was laughing at what I was saying and said "you're so funny, you must be great to hang out with". Then we had to hold hands (to test my grip strength test) while being face to face and I was reluctant to squeeze hers in case I hurt her and then she said "you're so lovely". Then at the end of the appointment she said "you've really cheered me up and made my day, it's like being in a blue sky and you've been my sunshine" - I was lost for words and just thanked her for the compliment. I then left with no feelings for her, except that she was sweet and didn't even think about a follow up appointment. However, her words had lit the limerence spark inside of me that grew later that day to full blown limerence.
Today was my second appointment. She greeted me with a big smile, took my arm and guided me to her room, and then sat face to face with me (not even at arms length) and immediately rested her hand on my knee while she asked how I was. Her hand remained while I was talking and inside I was think OMG this is too much but I like it. Again she started laughing at what I was saying (I was only acting my normal self) and she said I should do stand up comedy and that she'd be first in the queue to see me. Then we had to do the holding hands grip test, she told me to squeeze as hard as possible and then (imo) she pretended that I'd hurt her hand (in order to see how I'd react as I think she remembered I was concerned about hurting her on our previous appointment). I said if I hurt her then I give her permission to punch me on the nose which made her laugh. Then she started to talk about how she loves people from my home city (I now live in another town in another country), especially their humour and that's why she left all her family and friends behind (thousands of miles away) to start a new life in a new country and marry someone from where I come from. Then she was looking at my personal details on her screen and said "Wow, we have such a strong bonded connection" while resting both her hands on my knees. I asked her what she mean't and she said "we are one of the same, our birthdays are only a handful of days apart, we're both Aries". She then told me that she really enjoyed my company and by this stage I was all over the place and trying to return the conversation back on the physiotherapy. It was becoming very intensive until I felt relief when she said she was booking me in for a third appointment and needed to see me in 3 weeks time. I was kind of pleased as I was anxious to see her again and kick the "goodbye can" down the road, but I also realise it will make everything worse for me when I no longer need physiotherapy.
My impression of her after the first appointment was just that she was sweet with a fun personality. But on the second appointment I got the feeling that she was very full on and liked to have complete control of the narrative and perhaps me. I felt like a lost puppy always waiting to react on her words. She struck me as a very confident and self assured person who knows what she wants. I've no doubt who wears the trousers in her relationship and suspect she sees me as perhaps a funnier or more interesting version of her husband (going by our similarities). Her husband is the same nationality as me, is from the same city as me and supports the same football team as me. Although I found her less attractive physically in the second appointment, my limerence immediately pushed that to the side and put her on that pedestal of wonderfulness.
I know physiotherapists need to build trust with their clients, be attentive, become personable and have close physical contact (for therapeutic purposes), but she's crossing the boundaries in my view. Admittedly I did play along with her during part of the appointment, mainly just to see how she'd react. She reciprocated just as I thought, but I always felt she had control of the situation, no matter what I did. Maybe I'm reading too much into it all and she is just one of those very touchy feely kind of people, but part of me feels it's more than just that.
For someone with my mental vulnerabilities, it's causing me so much emotional and physical angst, and I need to ensure the third appointment is the last. The one good thing that may come out of this LE is that I now realise I need to sort out my personal issues via therapy and perhaps meds for depression. I've suffered from many bouts of limerence, but this one is the most intense of the lot.