My(17F) relationship with my dad (50M) is falling apart, and I don't know what to do.
This is my first post, so apologies if it's formatted in a strange way.
Ever since I entered my teenage years, my dad has become more noticeably hot-tempered and unpredictable. Whenever I try to come up with a small conversation with him, it somehow always turns into a lecture/argument. I have a younger sister (15F) who I try to protect from my dad's comments by arguing back, because I used to struggle with my own self image, thanks to him. My mum (46F) is usually the mediator when we argue, but she is also afraid of my dad, and often tells me how she wishes that he wasn't so emotional all the time. I don't like the effect that my dad's behaviour/emotions are having on my family.
He often speaks irrationally without much consideration of what the other person might feel. I'm very bad at maths, and he always makes sure that I'll be worthless and dumb for as long as my scores in maths exams stay down. I'm really trying though, but I don't think he realises that. He also used to physically abuse me, but that stopped when I was 12. We actually talked about it. We are a religious (christian) family, and every now and then he'd apologise and ask for forgiveness from me, claiming that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me. I didn't really buy it.
Instead of abuse, since then he became violent in other ways. Whenever things don't go his way, he always swears and throws something at the wall, or when we're outside, he walks off and leaves us behind. Recently, I insisted on taking an umbrella with us when we went out on a family dinner, but he started yelling all of a sudden, saying that "it won't rain", and snatched my umbrella out my hands and threw it at the wall, which caused a dent. Just like I said, it did end up pouring, and we were drenched. He didn't even spare a look of concern for my sister, who was recovering from a cold that day. He refuses to admit he's wrong.
He doesn't act like this all the time, either, and it confuses me. At church, he acts all reserved and polite, and acts like a dad. The second we get home, however, he starts to pick on my sister and I for doing nothing. He releases all his stress from work by coming home and yelling at us, and it's tiring being the only one in the family who stands up for myself and my mum and sister.
These days, his small comments don't affect me too much. I'm not sure if I've matured or just stopped caring, but watching the consequences of his actions and how it sometimes gets back at him (like the umbrella and the rainy day) is now amusing to me. I feel like I'm better/smarter/more rational than him, despite the age difference and skill level in maths. I view him as an immature man who still hasn't developed his emotional critical skills, and hardly as my dad anymore.
I'm planning on moving out as soon as I can and reducing contact, because despite there being some good memories together, he's quite draining. I'm only worried for my mum and sister, because, not to sound narcissistic, but they aren't as resilient or strong-willed as I am. I want to improve the relationship while I can, but I don't think its salvageable anymore, since it's been going on for years now.
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TL;DR: My dad is very stubborn, has a high ego, and immediately resorts to violence over even the most trivial disagreements. He think's he's the king of the family, and it's destroying our relationship with him.
edited: "We are a religious (christian) family, and he claimed that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me."
into: "We are a religious (christian) family, and every now and then he'd apologise and ask for forgiveness from me, claiming that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me."