Am I overreacting for expecting to be acknowledged on Mother’s Day?
I genuinely need to know if I’m overreacting here or if I’m being gaslit.
Today is Mother’s Day. I have two amazing little boys. I’m with their father, we live together, but we’re not married.
This weekend, he took our oldest son on a spring camping trip from Friday evening until Sunday morning. I stayed home with our youngest. Before he came home, I let him know we were going to my grandmother’s for Mother’s Day brunch at noon, so he knew the timeline.
He got home around 9:30am already seeming irritated. He said hello, brought the camping stuff inside, and said he and our oldest needed showers. I said I’d like one too before we left. Immediately, he told me they needed to go first because they were muddy from camping.
Okay, fine — but it’s Mother’s Day, and somehow I still came last.
He also started talking about how our oldest had been “not listening” all weekend. Our son is currently being evaluated for ADHD, and I’ve tried explaining that what he sees as intentional defiance often isn’t. Our son processes things differently, but his dad refuses to see it that way and insists he’s choosing to misbehave.
By 11:20am, I finally asked if I could shower since we had to leave soon. At that point I only had enough time to rinse off quickly — no time to wash my hair, get ready properly, or feel remotely good about myself.
We get to my grandmother’s and end up arguing again about our oldest supposedly being “defiant.” My great-nephews played piano pieces for my grandmother, and everyone stayed to listen. There were around 12 people packed into a small living room, and after a while I was ready to head home. I asked him to get the kids ready.
His response was: “What do you want me to do?”
So I ended up getting everything together myself, getting the kids ready, and carrying things out to the car.
When I came back inside to say goodbye and grab the kids, he had them banging on the piano keys while other people were in the middle of conversations. Someone asked them to stop, and he didn’t intervene. I finally had to say, “Please be respectful, stop, let’s go.”
The entire day, he never once said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. But he did have time to step away and call his own mom.
On the drive home, he started complaining that my family had “disrespected” him over the piano situation and said he was “just trying to make the kids happy.” I told him they weren’t rude to him — he was being rude by letting the kids pound on the piano while people were talking. He refused to take any accountability and insisted he did nothing wrong.
I finally asked why he’d had such an attitude all day, and he immediately turned it back on me asking why I had an attitude.
I told him I was hurt because he hadn’t once acknowledged Mother’s Day or said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. His response was that he “didn’t have time” because of the brunch and had planned to do it later at home when the kids gave me gifts.
I said it doesn’t take planning or extra time to simply acknowledge the mother of your children on Mother’s Day. He still refused to acknowledge my feelings and instead blamed the schedule and plans.
Meanwhile, he somehow had time to call his mom.
I have been in tears all day and he hasn’t said one word to me. He sent the kids up to me to ask what I wanted for dinner but I’m in no mood for anything now. I have one day a year dedicated to being celebrated as a mom and yet again I’m the last one to be taken care of and am still expected to make decisions and take care of everyone else.
Am I overreacting, or does this feel emotionally dismissive and manipulative?