u/Direct-Pin2742

I ‘19 F’ (African American)and my boyfriend ‘19M’ (Mexican American) have been together for a year and a half and we decied to go on a break after having an argument 4 days ago. But instead of mostly feeling sad I feel really relieved but I’m also kinda mad at myself for feeling this way because we been together for a decent time.
For context we got into a fight after going to the gym, we were getting ready to go so when he came to my house I was already dressed and since he was coming from school he had to change so when I came back into my room I noticed that something was kinda off as if he had a bad day so I ask if something happened at school or if he was ok and he said yes he’s fine and nothing happened. So as we are leaving my room he said don’t you think your shorts are too small but mind you we were going to the gym and my shorts were like 2-3 inches above my knee he offered to get me basketball shorts like his but I declined because I didn’t want them. As we are heading to the gym he ignored me the entire way but as we got closer to the gym he started to hum and when we got there he had the audacity to ask if I was ok. We later left and as we were leaving I asked why did he react that way and he basically said it was too revealing because it was tight but mind you I’m 5 ft and very full figure and not flat at all so I can’t help it , I tell him that, and he said in the bible girls shouldn’t dress revealing and they should be modest. I kept telling him that it was modest cause we were going to the gym and my entire butt was cover and I can’t help the fact that I have a big butt he then proceeded to say that I was basically tempting other guys and that it’s a respect thing for a relationship. I said understand but there was nothing wrong with these short in particular. We got into another fight the same day about certain reels that we sent to each other, mine was about flirting with someone who looked like Micheal Jackson i found this funny because we had recently watched the new movie that came out and his was bout cracking tortas he got mad at me for it but I said I was joking and he was like if you don’t like it when I do it why do it to me. I admitted that fine it was wrong of me to send that but when I asked why he sent me that video he said he was just joking and he was trying to put all the blame on me even though he did the same thing.
Another thing is we had a scare last year and decided to wait til marriage after that but he didn’t tell me that because of that he turned to god so anything won’t happen like that again. Which was completely ok with me but because of that he expects for me to do the same thing when I didn’t grow religious but he did. He suggested that I go to church and read the bible and follow everything in the bible, he wasn’t always like that but he started this since the new year started. My thing is I truly did tried but I don’t think it’s for me at the moment plus because of this he started to be homophobia and transphobia and I’m very much the opposite so I hate when he does that. He says he doesn’t hate or judge but the way he talks about people is saying the opposite. Also I realized that he also does things to get a reaction out of me like one time he went out of the country and he went to the store and the first thing he said to me after not being able to talk all day was the lady who give me my medicine was sooo pretty and I told him I didn’t like what he said, he said he was joking and then went to sleep. He has said multiple things like that and the same day we decided on the break he also squeezed my arm as if he was trying to hurt me and when I did the same thing back to him and ask why he did it he ignored me but stop doing what he was doing. He also said he thinks it’s ok for non black people to wear braids and I had to tell him as a black women it’s definitely not ok and another time I showed him a singer ( panic at disco )saying the n word and his first word was ok and? Then proceeds to say it was a long time ago and people change and I told him just because it was a long time ago doesn’t change the fact that he said it. After we had the argument he had a reaction that made me realize that I shouldn’t be dating him, he yelled at me and cussed at me as he was hitting the steering wheel and mind you that wasn’t even all the things he did throughout the relationship. I told my bestfriend what happened and how I felt like he was immature and always joked about everything and never took anything serious and that he always had to be right my bestfriend said he lowkey sounds like a narcissist, and I realized she could be right 100% . I realized the only reason I’m posting this to Reddit is because I can’t believe I would date someone like that for so long and the fact that he was my first everything too , we have a lot in common and the relationship genuinely started off amazing cause he was so sweet and supportive and kind and caring but then because of the religious thing he stopped all together which he kinda lost interest, and I asked if he did and he was like well it was after we had the talk about being religious and we will see how it works , but I guess it didn’t work out. I truly do love him but after everything I don’t think there’s hope for the relationship , we are just two different people and he wasn’t always the kindest tbh. So plz tell me your thoughts and tell me that I’m not overthinking it.