AITAH for defecating in my neighbor's yard.
One night, about 2 months ago, I was walking my kids to their mom's house, which is on the same street as mine but two blocks apart. We live in a walkable town, and usually, there are people still milling about at that time. We get to her house and say our goodbyes, and I start to head back to my house. It’s around 8:30 and within ½ of a block, I get this severe, urgent pain in my stomach, and I know I need to use the bathroom ASAP. I think to myself, I'm not far from home, I can make it there, no problem. But the pain just increases, so I decide I'm going to run home. Big mistake, with all the jostling of my stomach, I only get another ½ block or so, and I realize I'm not going to make it. I didn’t want to poop my pants, so I dropped my drawers and took a shit in my neighbor's front yard, squatting from the sidewalk. I pull off one of my shoes and wipe it with my sock. I decided I'm going to go home, shower, come back, and clean this mess up. About 30 minutes later, I get back over there, and it's gone, and so is my sock. I had a hoodie on because I didn't want anyone to see me, but now I’m creeping around the yard looking like a prowler. Since everybody has cameras, I start freaking out thinking somebody already saw the incident or sees me. So after a few minutes, I decide I'm going to leave, and I'll come back later and look again.
The next time I was out and saw my neighbors, Jim and Martha, I almost had an anxiety attack because I was sure they knew, but from the typical neighborly way they talked to me, I believe they do not know it was me or if it even happened. It did happen very fast, and possibly no one saw, but when I think back on that day, or even pass by their house, which I usually do twice a day, I can’t believe I did that.
Why I feel I may be the Asshole is that I shouldn’t have put my problems on someone else, I should have just pooped my pants. The last time I had to do that was in a Park & Ride lot because I thought they would have had a bathroom, but I just leaned up against the off-ramp wall, and it wasn’t personal.