Hi Reddit! This is my first time writing a post, so please bear with me as I am not used to blogging by any means.
I (22F) met J (23M) roughly 2 years ago at a university event. We instantly hit it off that day and were in constant communication for a few months. We had long phone calls talking about anything, and used to go on spontaneous dates. It was the first time I had seen myself getting serious about a man since my first real relationship (which ended badly, but that's beside the point). After facing slight pressure from old friends, I laid my heart on the line and gave him an ultimatum. Looking back, I regret forcing him into that decision so early in the "getting to know you " stage. However, we were practically acting like a couple already because we even said "I love you" to each other- which I never said to anyone before him. After issuing the ultimatum, he formally asked me out on his terms, and we dated for roughly 8 months. In the beginning, our relationship was a little rocky on my end because I was dealing with my own insecurities. The reason for this is that during the first three months of us dating, we were long-distance, so I was constantly initiating contact. Once we were in proximity, things were fine (or so I thought). We met each other's families, spent a holiday together, and even started talking about what the future could look like for us. However, he broke up with me in January 2025 because he felt the relationship was distracting me from achieving my goals. I took things really rough because that was the first time I opened up to anyone in that way. In March 2025, we rekindled things and have been in an on-and-off situationship since (if I can even call it that). He became more emotionally in tune with me and improved his communication. Despite us not being a couple, he trusted me more when the stakes were lower. When we first started dating, things were more based on physical attraction but since the breakup, it is more emotional based (although physical attraction is still prominent). Fast forward to February 2026, my ex said that he wanted something casual since we are both graduating from university this semester and are looking into graduate schools. I agreed to this and tried to distract myself from thinking about him since he is so important to me. I also thought (at the time) that being casual would benefit me as well since I did not want to lose focus (which was the reason he broke up with me the first time). However, after a rocky experience with someone I tried to rebound with, my ex started to act like a protective partner (which I was not opposed to) and became less ambiguous when we talked. But after my birthday at the end of March, he has been more distant than before so now I feel concerned that something happened that he isn't telling me about. I am aware that he does not owe me any explanation but considering the amount that we been through together, I thought that things were going to be different then they currently are. Here is the dilemma: graduation is in a little over 3 weeks, and I am struggling to figure out two things. First, I don't know how he feels about me. Last semester he said he was not sure how he views me but he did express that he cares about me. The second thing is that I am not sure how to approach the discussion about what things will look like after graduation (where we will not be as close to each other distance-wise). I genuinely grew to love him more after we broke up because he stopped putting on a front to impress me, yet I am not sure if the extent to which I care for him is reciprocated. Does anyone have any advice about what I should do. I am not used to caring about someone to this extent in a romantic sense and I genuinely see myself having a future with him. However, I do not want to force things in a way where we will end up in a bad situation (like when we both got into the relationship despite neither of us being fully ready for a long-term commitment). Any help would be greatly appreciated.