M42 It should be finalized soon, but I don’t know if anyone else has gone through this but it’s now been over a year since I had any kind of non-work/legal-divorce social interaction with another person beyond day-2-day interactions. I work a 40 hour week at a clinic, every waking second outside of work is spent with my 1 3/4 and 2 3/4 year olds. On my 2 days off for me every 2 weeks I just spend cleaning and catching up.
I’m so alone, it’s me the kids, 2 dogs and that is it! No family, not a single “friend” has even questioned whether I’m still alive. I’ve dealt with serious depression for a long time, there’s sure some of that but this isn’t it, there’s no feelings of self harm, I am very tearful, but I don’t have that continuous feeling of self worthlessness I’ve experienced before. I’m making positive improvement working out, I go to a cocktail bar for live music every 2 weeks. But I just end up holding back tears, somehow being alone in a room full of people makes it harder sometimes. It’s even worse because I’m relatively well known locally because of what I do so people recognize me occasionally, I nearly got caught crying at the park with my kids by a patient.
I just want to have lunch with someone and talk about the world outside of the greater Minneapolis area, and talk in full sentences without eating a booger or telling me they’ve pooped. (I truly love my kids, they are my entire world now).
It just really hurts, I really miss talking with people. I’m finding it harder and harder not to feel like I’m some sort of irredeemable monster who has to be left in isolation.