Advice on whether to fix it or leave
I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m struggling to figure out whether my relationship can realistically be repaired or if I’m holding on to something that’s already broken.
My partner and I are currently separated after I found out he cheated. It started with inappropriate conversations with other women on social media. I addressed it, and he promised it would stop. Instead, it moved to another app where he started talking to a woman, eventually speaking to her on the phone, hanging out with her, and ultimately sleeping with her.
I first found out something was wrong when a woman messaged me asking if I could tell my partner to leave her alone. Around the same time, a fake social media page appeared using a photo of my partner and the woman he cheated with. When I confronted him, he initially told me they had only hung out and that the photo was taken that night. I already knew he had gone out that evening, but he had told me he was spending time with male friends and never mentioned this woman being there.
Of course, he told me all about his night afterward but conveniently left out her involvement. Eventually, he admitted that he had actually slept with her before that photo was taken.
The affair happened just days before a family vacation. He then turned around and slept with me afterward, knowing what he had done. Looking back, there were signs. The night he cheated, instead of coming home like he normally would, he texted me saying he was going to stay parked somewhere and come home in the morning (truck driver) For some reason, I didn’t question it enough at the time.
The fact that he was only about 10 minutes away from our home while doing this while our child and I were right there, completely unaware is unsettling.
Since finding out, I’ve limited communication mostly to matters involving our daughter. He has recently moved out. At the same time, there has been more transparency and consistent communication from him since the separation. On my birthday, he planned dinner and got us a nice hotel. He’s been saying he wants to repair things since he finally admitted to cheating
The problem is that I don’t know if this is genuine change or if it’s simply too early to tell. Part of me wonders if trust can ever be rebuilt after this. Another part of me wonders if I’m wasting time trying to save something that should be let go.
For those who have experienced infidelity, either as the person who was cheated on or as someone who successfully reconciled, what made you decide to stay or leave? And how did you know whether the changes were real?