WARNING: both people in this situation are minors, and sexual activities occurred.
My boyfriend (16) and I (16F) have been dating for almost two years. The bond itself is really healthy, at least I think so, but there's this one instance that I keep thinking back to. I usually am able to ask him anything, but I don't think I can ask him this one, nit yet at least. I'm really confused, and if someone could share their perspective, that'd be great.
A few months ago, we were baking macarons. As some may know, there are multiple stages in which they have to rest or we have to wait. Before we started baking, we were in my room. After cuddling for what feels like barely any time at all, he began to touch me. His hands reached to my chest, legs, and ran their way to my privates. All of this had been done before, and I had expressed previously enjoying this, which I did. I soon finished and, after hanging out for a bit longer and then washing off, we began to bake.
We made the cookies themselves, tasting the batter and enjoying ourselves, then the cookies went into the oven. While they were baking, we went up to my room to hang out some more. I just wanted to hug and cuddle, but his hands immediately went to my legs and private parts. I never told him to stop, and I had given consent previously in the day, but I didn't really want this to happen. I just wanted to sit together and watch some stupid youtube video. I finished once again, and we stayed in my room till the cookies were done baking. After washing up again, we went downstairs and took the cookies out of the oven. We made the icing while down there, but the cookies still needed more time to cool, so we went back to my room.
I thought this would be the time where we could just cuddle and watch something, but he reached for my privates again. I, once again, didn't refuse, but I didn't want to be sexual at the time. After finishing for the third time of the day, he washed up, then we went to ice the macarons and put them together.
After he left, I felt very odd. I felt empty and sad for seemingly no apparent reason. I told him that I just wasn't warmed up enough, because I thought that's what it was at the time. However, as I've thought about it more, I'm thinking it might have been assault, and I felt so terrible because I had been taken advantage of.
What's really confusing me is that the relationship is genuinely healthy, and he wouldn't do anything to me if I refused. And, in those moments, I'm pretty sure I did enjoy them. I just don't know how to feel now. I want some outside perspective before I confront him about what I felt, because I don’t want to accuse him of assault if that's not what happened, especially because he wouldn't ever do something I outwardly refused. Thank you if you share your perspective.