This is my first post on Reddit. I've never actually been on here, but I watch a lot of SRRS, so I know the type of responses I could be in for.
I (35 F) sent a message to my crush (29 M) and told him that I love him.
HOWEVER
We have been sleeping together for over two months now. I call him my "crush" because he said he doesn't want labels, and FWB sounds cringey to me, but I will use that term anyway.
I'll spare you the details on how we met but suffice it to say it wasn't the most intelligent way to choose an FWB. At first, I thought it was just friends having sex. I was fine with that, because it's great. He's so sweet, we talk and share about our lives, we send each other messages about our days and videos we think the other will find funny. We kiss when we are saying "goodbye". I've become really attached.
Mistake #2. (#1 is doing this at all at my age with someone who doesn't remember the whole Y2K thing.)
About a month ago, I directly asked him what we are. He replied that it was a good question, but he likes "not having labels". It hurt, I'm not going to lie, but I thought I could somehow just become okay with that too. Honestly, I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked me to. Instead of my feelings toward wanting a relationship changing, they only got stronger. Then last night happened.
He always asks me to text him when I get home when I'm leaving his house. I had a relatively uneventful drive, but I had been thinking a lot about how I wish he would just tell me how he feels. (In retrospect, I want him to tell me that he feels how I feel.) When I pulled into my parking spot, I pulled out my phone and messaged him:
"I just pulled innnnn!"
"Get some rest! Sweet dreams! Love you!"
Right as I hit "send" the panic set in.
I sent a couple of messages after that to kind of be like "wait...no...omg..."
And then I turned my phone off before he could read it or respond. Had I been thinking clearly, I likely would have just edited the message before he saw it and said I was fixing a typo if he asked. But when I woke up this morning, I saw that he brushed it off as an accident (like saying "you too" to the ticket attendant when they say "enjoy your movie").
"Don't worry it's okay haha"
We haven't talked today at all, which happens sometimes, but I am sick about last night. The thing is, I meant it. I just didn't mean for him to find out that way. We were friends for a short period before the FWB thing starting, and I've adored him from the moment I met him. He's smart, has a great sense of humor, has an amazing voice and plays guitar well (we both sing and play guitar, but he's better than I am), he's got kind of nerdy interests, but it's really cute to watch him get so excited about them, and he makes me feel wanted.
Now, for the part I have been keeping back.
He only ever compliments me during sex, and only my body (usually my chest). I've told him that I think he's handsome (because I do, obviously, find him very attractive) but he has never once returned the compliment. I don't do it so he will tell me I'm pretty/cute/beautiful/attractive or anything, I just notice that he doesn't. He has said "that's hot" when I've worn a wig and asked me to wear it when I came over, but it was definitely purely a sexual thing for him. I don't feel like he loves me. I think he likes the sex. I don't even know that he values me as a friend. I think I'm just the person who meets that need and goes away.
Here's my question:
WIBTA if I ended it? And by that, I mean broke off contact altogether. I don't know that I want to be friends even. I went into this as a whole adult and understanding that I could get hurt, so does it make me TA if I break it off?
I've not been in situations like this before where someone wanted to continue something and I didn't when it was FWB. It's not like saying "let's just be friends" to a boyfriend. It's pretty much saying "let's not be friends anymore."
I know that I'm probably going to get some comments about immaturity (on my part) and that's fair. I'm working on that, and that's why I'm analyzing this situation so much. I'm in the process of deciding what I want and don't want for my life. I want to be a mom. I want to be married to someone who actually loves and wants me for who I am when everyone has their clothes on. Because that person is great and she's getting really hurt right now.
I can take it. Do your worst, Reddit friends.