Do I give primary custody to my ex?
First ever post… so hi everyone
My ex (35F) and I (34F) had been divorced for 2 and a half years. We were married for ten years and about 8 years in we had our only child (3yr).
My ex has always been head strong and not great with emotion but things were good for awhile. But over time I noticed things she did to me that I didn’t like. She would ask for opinion on things for our home but wouldn’t like my suggestions. She would claim I didn’t help do anything like cleaning (which was not true). I’ll admit, I do hate laundry, but I did vacuum, dust, I did the dishes, I mowed the yard…. I’m not claiming I was perfect by any means but I don’t believe for a second that I wasn’t helping or that I was slob. A friend of mine gave me a tiny model rifle- came with a little stand and I kept it on our tv stand. One day she said “take this to work or something”…. So she could have plants and ugly picture frames everywhere but I couldn’t have that? Anyway… Things went downhill very quickly after having our child (which I carried- so my biological child). I was struggling- not with caring for or loving our child but with myself I guess (I have therapy every week and take medication so I’m much better now.) She became very career focused which is fine, but I felt neglected. I think she stopped seeing me or caring about me in general. During my maternity leave she actually took a course to receive a certification but it required her to be away for awhile… but I needed her home. I went back to work after a few weeks. She always gave me a hard time about my job. After we separated and got divorced we had 50/50 custody and a 2-2-3 schedule.
This job I had had for a number of years and I continued in that position even after we divorced. Late last year, I got a call from someone I knew about a new position with a new company making almost double what I was making at the time. Problem was it required me and my current partner to move outside of a “certain radius” And I had stupidly agreed previously to a certain radius to live in per our custody agreement.
I told my ex as soon as I had interest in the position- before I even had an interview set up because I was trying to keep open and honest communication, like I had been since we split. Right before accepting I spoke with her because couldn’t move without her agreeing because of the radius. Unfortunately I don’t have proof, but she said if everything went well she’d move.
So we did it. My partner and I moved and I started in this position learning new things… growing by doing uncomfortable things and I’m loving it. Then… About a month and a half ago my ex served me papers for primary custody because I moved.
I know I moved and that’s on me. I’ve been driving 4 hours round trip to pick up and drop off my child. I’ve asked to adjust the schedule and my ex refuses. I love my child so much it literally hurts sometimes. I’ve never tried to take them away or keep them from her. I just needed to do something good for me which I thought would ultimately be good for my child.
Now I have to either move back and give up my new job and why I’ve been building to keep my 50/50 custody or I stay and give her primary. I don’t want to move but I’m afraid I’ll either regret it or that my child will resent me and that breaks my heart. I don’t know what to do…