Step Daughter keeps saying ‘love you dad’ every 15-30 seconds. Confused
I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m struggling to work out whether this is normal or whether I’m just reacting badly to it.
I’m a gay man and have been with my partner for several years. His daughter is 11 and, overall, she’s a happy kid. Her parents are separated, and there have been a lot of changes over the past year, including a child mental health hospital admission after her mum couldn’t cope at the time. She was eventually diagnosed with generalised anxiety, and it was a very stressful period for everyone involved. The psychiatrist said she’s a normal kid and otherwise fine and happy.
Lately, I’ve noticed she’s constantly saying “love you” throughout the day. Not just when leaving the house or going to bed, but repeatedly… sometimes every 20–30 seconds she will be saying it. She’ll say it when she gets home from school, walking through the house, from another room, and even from the shower. It feels like she has an urge to keep saying it over and over.
At our house she’ll say “love you Dad” and at her mum’s house she’ll say “love you Mum” , so it’s not directed at one parent or one home specifically.
When I talk to her or engage her in conversation, I try to distract her or move the focus onto something else, and in those moments she’s fine and will stop saying it. But then a little later she’ll start again and it’s like she “remembers” and goes back to saying it repeatedly.
She did start her period 6 months ago so puberty, and some bullying with a wild friend at school may have made her feel a little less important?
I know many people would see this as a positive thing, and I understand that. That’s part of why I’m finding my reaction confusing. Instead of finding it endearing, I’m finding myself getting irritated by it, and I can’t work out whether that’s because of me, because of everything that’s changed recently, or whether it’s connected to her anxiety and a need for reassurance after everything that’s happened.
Has anyone experienced something similar with a child around this age? Is this fairly normal behaviour for an 11-year-old, particularly after family changes and a mental health admission, or could it be a sign that she’s seeking extra reassurance?
I’d appreciate any honest thoughts or experiences.