I realised the other day all my social interactions at the moment are, a bit guarded. About making some sort of impression or having to stay within specific guardrails. Mostly work conversations. That feels a little bit like a fate worse than death sometimes.
I missed that spark of connection with someone, where chats are just fun & easy and you can, I dunno, make a safe space with someone? to be slow and cosy and chill out together. Talking about dumb stuff that happened, finding a way to be understood and to understand? With someone who can keep the conversation flowing - not where they put the ball in their pocket, as the quote goes.
I'm trying the 52 weeks of baking challenge. In one of the first few weeks I tried a new meringue type cake and I dropped it onto the kitchen table and it broke in half. So I just scooped it all up into a tupperware and gave it to my parents with a custard sauce anyway. They enjoyed it, and at work we have a "highs & lows" in our weekly meeting, which is only slightly cringe. and i told that story as a lowlight, but without the crucial detail that I'd dropped the cake onto the table, and not the floor. So, in my first few weeks of a new job, I told everyone I dropped a cake and scooped it all up and gave it to my mum & dad instead. I remember realising that and thinking it was so funny like, I'm cake drop girl who hates her parents and gives them floor food. what an impression to make. but, i didn't really have anyone to share that with, you know. like in the way that makes you laugh so hard you can't really breathe as you tell the story. and I realised how distant I'd become, and how all of a sudden I didn't have that person or people it felt like I was going up against the world with. I'm pretty awkward by default and I always have been, but having people who can accept you despite/because of the awkwardness helps take the sting out of it a little, rather than kind of just dwelling on it.
I just kinda love chit chatting. about my day, your day, the things you like. I wish there was a system of infodump swaps. like sometimes I want to know the deal with like, organs or whatever. but i want to be told about them by a person who knows about them passionately and joyously and share the hype with them. i want to give a shit about the things other people give a shit about. but also, sometimes just chats are fun too. about not much of anything. or the deepest stuff imaginable. there's so much conversation to have, and i kind of want it all? to just not be so tied up in my own thoughts so much. i want to hear other people's instead? talk about them & discuss them.
Also, voice chats/notes would be fun. they can feel a lot easier than typing out lots of things at times. the joy of a quick chat while im walking to the shops. sharing the little adventures. catching up about each others day, whats on the telly. accountability buddies, setting goals & challenges, saying what worked and what didn't. the mundanity of life, as well as the big deep feelings. try and build something positive rather than falling back into the negative as much.
I got a bit carried away on a ramble, but I hope some of that made sense to someone lol. On a more practical level, I'm reading a lot more than I ever have - I'm trying to read all of the penguin classics, with very mixed success. Trying to read a book a week and bake one thing a week. I cross stitch & knit & crochet & have dreams of cosy cottage life that I need to make happen. I like learning about what other people are into. getting to understand the basics of how it works, at least! If you fancy any of the above, and are 30+, get in touch! I'm not after UK only - I've had a few chats & connections with people from different timezones before