The classic introvert vs extrovert issues
Sociable introvert f30 (taking my family into consideration, I am amazed I'm not an actual a recluse) going out with an extrovert m34 (with definite signs of ADHD) for over a year. The same problem comes up again and again. I want to spend time with him, he wants to spend time with me and his friends (a group of couples). Now these couples are lovely and welcoming but they are not my friends and not necessarily the people I would choose to spend time with. He has been getting upset that I do not socialise with them as much as he would like (2-3 times a week). I do attend things such as weekends away, pub, walks/runs. And for the most part, I enjoy all these activities. But sometimes I just don't want to and would rather spend my time on my hobbies or am socially tired. He often says things like 'everyone was asking after you! They really want to see you!' I have tried to explain how introverts need time to recharge their battery and he amusingly replied with 'well maybe you should just force yourself and it will get easier for you!' I think 30 years have taught me that I am stuck with what I have.
I also spend time with his family a lot (unsurprisingly all extroverts) and I've been away up to see his brother and partner.
He also said I need more friends . I do not need more friends, I have a wonderful group of women who I met at school and uni who provide an excellent support network. They are my sisters, bound at the soul. I have tried to explain that I am very happy on my own or with the friends I have and I just like to be alone and read a book sometimes.
He then said he would love to spend more time with me and my friends...but my friends are either introverts or they just don't want to spend time with a man who isn't their partner. Which I obviously understand!
I don't really know how I could be more sociable than I am, without sacrificing a part of myself (which would make me extremely unhappy!) . I am not a boring person, I am introspective, witty, friendly and observant. I find it easy to make friends, but sometimes I don't want to. I love the people I already have in my life and deeply value them. My partner is kind and generous and very good fun and we have a good time together. But I am starting to wonder whether this will work long term. I know it is important to him that I spend time with his friends and family (which I try to !) but I feel like it is not enough for him, and I am a constant let down.
Any advice from the introvert and extrovert partners out there? How do you navigate this ?