Update
So after some time learning abt myself, as much as I hated to learn about it, I do have some SSA. I guess that makes me attracted to both sexes, which is something I hate the most. I’ve been contemplating suicide for some time, and whether or not I’d be happy following this subreddit. I think my answer is yes. It hurts so bad, thinking about how I wasn’t who I thought I was. I need help on what I should do next, so I don’t fall into sin.
In my experience, it feels like I had loved girls so much as a child. I loved my first girlfriend a ton, and now, a year later, I feel like that attraction to girls has died down so much. I’ve went down the HOCD rabbit hole for almost a year since then, made my old post in here a few months ago. I’m not sure if this is a result of that, but whenever I obsess about having an attraction to the same sex, it feels very strong, which distresses me. It feels like I’ve been punished by God somehow. I avoid talking to a lot of my friends out of a fear of gaining an attraction to them now. I wish I was normal.
If you guys have any advice on what to do, I’ll listen gladly. God bless.