r/SSAChristian

Because I certainly don't and I'm starting to believe that it is a major contributor to my sexual same-sex attractions.

Basically I consider myself bi and talk to my friends about pretty normally, point out boys I think are cute and they even try setting me up with some guys and girls from time to time. But I decided to stop having anything romantic with boys recently, and since none of my friends are really religious I'm afraid they won't get and it may lead then further away from the church, should I just try to explain it to them or just keep it as it is and just don't date man? There is a part of me that doesn't want to tell in case I ever fall i to temptation and end up making out with a boy, so they would judge me for not keeping it or something. I'm kinda lost and don't really know what to do

I am feeling better. I guess. I am feeling more free. I hope you keep me in your prayers. I want to live without sex, porn, or masturbation. I just want to live normally and put that temptation behind forever.

My mind was messed up, my body was too. I was too hedonistic. Now im trying to tame my appetites. Slowly.

I apologize for the longer post, but I would really appreciate any help I can get with this situation I'm having.

I think my SSA stems from my childhood. Growing up, nobody wanted to be my friend because I was too small and sucked at sports. I would wander around, living in my fantasy land during recess, and sit by myself (with the occasional side dish of bullying) during lunch. I remember being very stressed out before every lunch and praying to God, begging Him to make me invisible.

As I started to realize my attractions were off around 11 y/o, I would pray and pray to God every few minutes begging Him to not make me gay. I remember that, sometimes, I would slap myself if I had a homosexual thought.

I just turned 19 and it hasn't gotten much better. I am somewhat attracted to women (moreso romantically) and have been trying pretty hard to get a girlfriend. Usually, I'll find a girl and start off having an interesting conversation, but they all eventually end up ghosting me. The only reasonable explanation I can think of is that I look very androgynous (my face has softer, more feminine features) and I'm just not attractive to women (I've had guys hit on me before, but have painfully had to turn them down).

It hurts me so much that I can't have a boyfriend. Men tend to be a lot lonlier and sensitive than women, so I believe it would be a lot easier and less stressful to get a boyfriend. I would also have a much easier time relating to them and their pain.

I feel like all I'd have to do is find a boy I like, yap about things we like, be very caring and tender towards him, and then we'd be boyfriends and love eachother.

At this point, I want nothing more than to just give in and start flirting with boys. There's so many cute boys out there with deep hearts. I just want one of them to love.

I just want to know what it feels like to have someone care about you. To have someone tenderly carress your face and whisper in your ear that they love you. To have someone you can feel safe and vulnerable with. Someone I can tell everything to and still be accepted for who I am. Someone who will make me feel loveable. Someone who will hug me and hold me and touch me and never let me go. I want to wake up every day and be happy because I have a loving person in my life. I want to matter to someone. Most importantly, I want someone I can pour all the love, affection, and attention in my heart to and make them the most loved, cherished, and cared for boy/girl in the world.

They would never have to question their self worth because they'd be worth the world to me. They would never have to feel unloveable because I'll give them my whole heart. They would never want to hurt themselves because I would always keep them company. They would always have a safe place to cry and a person they could call home. They would never feel lonely because I would always be hugging, holding, and cherishing them.

I don't understand why God wants to subject me to a life of torturous loneliness.

Even when I just try to make friends, it never works out. I put in the effort to be talkative/interested in them and be interesting myself, but everything almost always falls apart.

I remember this moment after the Easter Vigil mass while I was attempting to pray when I looked up from my pew to see everyone all merry and enjoying one another's prescence - whereas I had no one to talk to and celebrate Easter with.

I try so hard for God. Even though my brain can't handle the amount I used to pray - I still pray every day and go to confession every other day.

I was crying praying to St. Dympha this morning to please let me be loved.

I've had a gun to my head 3 times in the past year ready to blow my brains out.

I would appreciate any sort of help.

I have my hobbies... My guilty pleasures. haha, and yeah, since I'm in a good mood, I kinda wanna talk about them. But at the same time, not really...

Does anyone like photography? I think it's been helpful for me, because I can appreciate the beauty, focus, and inspiration that builds up after taking a really crisp photo of something meaningful. Then I feel motivated to take another, or research nature parks to visit and explore. It's a good hobby rain or shine. Especially rain...

Okay, I'm not a professional. I don't really know what i'm doing.... haha I just know i'm in a bad mood, and I gotta get outside. Then I listen to some music, calm down,... And I end up staring at weeds for 45 minutes or taking a nap on a bus bench haha

Then... other times, my photography sessions are kinda intense and I lose track of time.

Then... There's today... I just decided to check my cellphone gallery and upload these photos to my googledrive.

I come across this hibiscus flower. I forgot all about this photo haha

hm.. It's kinda decent, right?

If I had a daughter, I think I would name her Hibiscus or Marigold or Ponsetta... ♥ I hope I don't sound like an idiot haha, most flowers are so cute yet so delicate.

If you're wondering, 'Burner, how do you handle your sexual frustration and obsessive thoughts about being railed?'

ah, well, honestly, medication I haven't been handling them so well haha but recently, I've started taking long naps after masturbating & masturbating in the morning too walks in this quaint little historic park... Surprisingly, I'm actually masturbating a bit less compared to last month. But this month still isn't over yet haha;;; I end up taking some lovely nature photos.

At least it Keeps the hands busy.

If you guys wanna share ur photos or start a little album, I'd be interested. The photos by homos or something. haha

Hope you all are doing well~ Sorry i've been so distracted. I'm praying for you all, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Hopefully we can chat soon.

Cheers

https://preview.redd.it/2ackoejjf5jh1.png?width=376&format=png&auto=webp&s=db926c27e44191de13c131ccd95c18c6682584e3

https://preview.redd.it/6snqqz9rf5jh1.png?width=380&format=png&auto=webp&s=826226caf77666ccaa8045f2f5a64e52b6106eae

It's one of the reasons why I have never come out, because saying that I'm queer would feel disingenuous.

Now don't get me wrong : the sexual same-sex attractions are there. However, I've always considered them as something extrinsic to me. They have latched on to me, because of unfortunate circumstances. I've never felt that they reflected the "real me".

Instead, I feel that the sexual opposite-sex attractions, that I occasionally feel, arise from the the "true me". However, they are overtaken by these sexual same-sex attractions.

Social-wise, nothing is preventing me from embracing a queer lifestyle. I wouldn't be shunned whatsoever. Nevertheless, I haven't done it, because only then would I feel that I'm living a lie.

I would like to think of myself as a person who in their innermost core is attracted (romantically and sexually) to the opposite-sex. But, who is struggling with sexual same-sex attractions that are alien to them.

Last month I had a sexual encounter where I engaged in a high risk act that can cause HIV. It was not my intention but I kind of froze when the guy wanted to do it and let him. I freaked out after and got on pep(a drug that effectively has a 100% chance of preventing hiv if taken correctly daily. I’ve abstained from any sexual sin and I felt extremely good. However, out of nowhere, a switch flipped in my head and I just wanted to be with a man so bad. I looked if it was possible to transmit HIV while on PEP and saw that Pep suppresses the virus if taken correctly which prevents transmission. On top of that the drug would work to prevent future infections and other people could be on prep, which means that I would have no chance of spreading it. I ended up going to the bathhouse and felt so much guilt that when I prayed to God, I asked him to give me HIV if I ever had sex with a man again, because he’s given me so many chances in the past to change my path after engaging in sin.

I ended up going again on Tuesday and as soon as I got home, I felt an extreme sickness suddenly hit me. I have a constant splitting headache, my throat is extremely sore, I feel so much body weakness/fatigue/tiredness and I have a fever all over my body. Some other STDS show one or two of these symptoms but the STD which covers all of this is HIV, and it’s been 3 weeks since I was exposed, which is the around the average incubation period of HIV.

I could say that maybe the pep failed at the start, that it’s another STD, or that my encounters on Friday led to HIV, but these would be an astronomically rare event. I feel like I am being punished and I can’t even say anything because I asked for it. I will be able to get a possible confirmation next week and I will have to perform following checks up to be on the safer side.

It feels unfair that there’s people who engage in “sinful” lifestyles for their entire life who have perfectly normal and stable lives but whenever I do something that I always get punished for it. Ever since I started porn and masturbation my life has went on a significant downwards trajectory. Ever since I started to abstain from masturbation for days/weeks my life would significantly improve and I would experience blessings. Then I’d relapse and everything would go away. I’m very skeptical of attributing things to the supernatural but I cannot deny my lived experience for the last 5 years.

Also to be completely honest, after experiencing gay sex, and watching a fair amount of documentaries about queer people, I do not really see the big deal in homosexuality. Sure, there’s negatives to promiscuity, but it’s hard for me to understand why homosexuality is inherently bad in every case. I’m not saying I’m right, but it’s how I feel.

This is a vent post and (maybe) a warning.

I dont just feel attraction, its more like a desire to be accepted by them. A desire to enter into the world of men and be a man myself. I dont know how to stop it, because at the end of the day it is a deep form of jealousy.

I also notice how uncomfortable i can be in my own body, or with who i am in general.

Title.

Im having severe problems falling back into lust and masturbation. I've been attracted to crossdressing and feminization for as long as I can remember and now that I'm finally in a stage of life I feel like I can get past it for good the feelings hit harder than ever. I asked forgiveness multiple times last night and I know it's wrong and I want to grow in Christ. But this is constantly and steadily beating me down to the point I almost want to give in.

I'm losing my faith in God and Jesus Christ again. What can I do ?

i am so afraid this means i’m going to hell. i invited my friend over because i thought i would be strong enough to withstand it and just hang out but i wasn’t. we both fell into temptation and i feel absolutely disgusting and shameful. i know this is a sin and i don’t know what to do now. how do i say sorry to God after saying sorry so many times before this?

i feel like an absolute abomination, and i know God thinks it is. i feel he’s upset with me and if i were to die i would go to hell.

i don’t know what to do

(On m’a dit qu’ici on pouvait parler de ces genres de chose alors je vais essayer…)
J’ai déjà fait des postes pour expliquer ce qui n’allait pas mais aujourd’hui je viens encore une fois de rechuter… oui comme vous pouvez l’imaginer il s’agit bien de la luxure…
Sachez que je suis quelqu’un qui déteste les porno \* et le déclencheur ne sont pas des vidéos ou des images ou bien même des scénarios dans ma tête. C’est simplement par ennuie je dirais. A chaque fois que je me met a le faire je demande a Dieu de m’arrêter et de m’aider mais rien ne fonctionne. Je n’arrive pas à m’arrêter de moi même j’ai l’impression.
Cela dure depuis mes 9ans, maintenant, étant plus grand et plus mature je sais que c’est un très grand péché et que cela m’éloigne de Dieu. De plus, a chaque fois que je le refais j’ai l’impression d’être punie violemment juste après.. je sais que cela pourrait ressembler à de la superstition mais bon…. Please aidez moi j’en ai marre je sais plus comment faire.

I was wondering if anyone else feels like this. I'm attracted to men and I have wet dreams with men but the only type of relationship I want with them is one of friendship and camaraderie. I don't even want to masturbate thinking about men or watch gay porn. I like women more and I would like to someday get married to one, without doing any sinful activities in the meantime. Does someone relate ?

I’m 31 M from MA and my entire life I have been struggling with SSA. It caused me to run away from God for years and made me question why I can’t change no matter how much I tried and begged. Now I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind when I say this but recently I discovered the word “homosexuality” was never in the Bible until 1946, that the original Greek term used meant “abuse” and “exploitation” Now I’m not the type that tricks myself into believing things I want to, I’ve been very careful in debating my own thoughts so that truth reigns. I then began reaching more into this idea and the more I looked the more it became clear to me that a monogamous faithful relationship with another man that also follows Jesus wouldn’t fall into that category at all, as the idea of a monogamous same sex relationship wasn’t even a thing back in the times the book was written. I believe that by removing myself from the perverse lifestyle of hookups and porn addiction and instead pursuing a real companionship and loving covenant with another man that follows Jesus, we can still honor him. None of us are perfect and we never will be, Jesus died for all of our sins. That’s not to say we can do whatever we want but I’ve gotten to the point where I believe I can pursue this type of relationship and still continue following Jesus. I don’t believe celibacy is the answer personally, as God himself says we were created for companionship and it is actually stated by Paul in Corinthians 7 that celibacy is a specific gift from God and those who do not have that gift shouldn’t force themselves into isolation. Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way I do? I’m struggling to find the balance between progressive Christian’s that are lgtbq+ (which I reject) and SSA Christian’s who believe they have to remain celibate forever.

Really powerful sermon and message and thought it would be helpful. 🌟✨️✨️✨️✨️