u/Known-Ad-2334

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I've addicted to this kind of porn since I was 11 or 12 years old but I've struggled with depression and self hatred since I was 5. It's just now occurring to me that that's things aren't separate. The fact I hate myself and I'm willing to throw away everything is my motivation in this lust. I always thought my mother was the only cause but she was just a influence the main issue is me. The way I see myself as worthless. It's never really been about the porn it's about the way I see my life. Idk how to classify this or ask for encouragement or advice or anything. My motivation in homosexuality and lust is something I prayed that God would reveal to me and he did. I just felt like I needed to share it.

The man in the mirror

The one I hate above all

His apperance is disease to my eyes

His words a snare for my ears

I hate this man I say at break of dawn

Yet he never departs

What is God that he cares for this wretched creature

That he inclines his ear to its growls

What is the savior that he died for this beast

His love piercing even this cold black heart

Why do I persist with this monster

His lips speak only lies and deceit

Yet he awaits me as I wake

For evil is all he knows

I hate this man more each day

Yet the creator loves him

Who is right who knows best

The one who watches a monster live

Or the the man in the mirror

The man in the mirror

The one I hate above all

His apperance is disease to my eyes

His words a snare for my ears

I hate this man I say at break of dawn

Yet he never departs

What is God that he cares for this wretched creature

That he inclines his ear to its growls

What is the savior that he died for this beast

His love piercing even this cold black heart

Why do I persist with this monster

His lips speak only lies and deceit

Yet he awaits me as I wake

For evil is all he knows

I hate this man more each day

Yet the creator loves him

Who is right who knows best

The one who watches a monster live

Or the the man in the mirror

This past week I fell back into sissy porn. Mainly on discord. I keep asking forgiveness and turning around and going right back to it. Idk if this is a test or a trial or what it is. But I got a few messages from people from this group and I can't tell the difference between the ones that want to help and the ones that want to take advantage. I just don't understand i know this is my fault and I'm intentionally giving in but this same problem was way less when I was in a worse position in life. I just don't understand but I really want to stop.

Hi I'm new here. I struggled with crossdressing and masturbstion since I was 12. I dressed up in secret and only been with a man once. I've always been hesitant to really explore this because it was always taboo in my family and I understand why now. But now I've been a Christian for the past 10 years I'm really really trying to depend on God more and become the man he created me to be. But now I'm living in a environment where I struggle to follow God because my family are all non believers and constantly use the lord's name in vain. I also have a new job and I'm working 40+ hours a week just to hopefully be able to get my life finally started. I keep falling back into the videos and the masturbstion and even when I pray and ask for help and forgiveness it feels like nothings happening. It's like the devil is constantly throwing these thoughts in my mind and I really want to give in to them but I know not too. I really need help. Idk what to do. I'm honestly considering falling into it. But I really want to follow Jesus.

Im having severe problems falling back into lust and masturbation. I've been attracted to crossdressing and feminization for as long as I can remember and now that I'm finally in a stage of life I feel like I can get past it for good the feelings hit harder than ever. I asked forgiveness multiple times last night and I know it's wrong and I want to grow in Christ. But this is constantly and steadily beating me down to the point I almost want to give in.

Let me make this clear. This is in no way talking about harming myself. It's rather my practical way of thinking about my own life. To start when I was just a toddler one day I was surrounded and very nearly killed by a pack of dogs. I have vague memories of this but this is point of view I take with my life as a whole. I'm in my 30s now. I have no dreams or aspirations. Even the things I do find interest in are more hobbies than anything. The only thing I know how to do and the only thing I want to do is help others. Either emotionally spiritually or physically. This comes with the realization that I am not a requirement. For example I cared for my grandmother and grandfather in the last few months of their lives. Both were on hospice and the only reason I was there is I had nowhere to live and they would have a caregiver. After a few months my relatives came in and effectively shunned me and ran me out of the house. I noticed then that my participation in caring for my grandparents was completely useless. I was easily replaceable and had no lasting impact. My ability to help others effectively accomplished nothing and so my view of my purpose was nothing. I am well aware that God chooses to use humans as tools to do his work on earth. My question is why? God has a plethora of better options to do his will that yields better results. What is the point of being alive if you have no purpose? Why would God use you as a tool if you have no function or are easily replaceable? I really have no aspirations other than to be used by God for a purpose but more than that I want to be a critical piece of this thing. I don't want to live a life without a reason to live. I can't understand why God would care at all about me when im essentially useless. If I was to die right now it wouldn't affect anyone. I have no function and therefore no purpose. Without these I have no reason to live. I'll keep going on with my life but only for the fact that I have nothing else to do. The sad part of all of this is if I was killed by the dogs. Everyone's life would have gone on completely unaffected.

https://youtu.be/k5j-TQfo\_eM?si=a1G-ocAcwG3OLek9

This man drops a video like every day. He's a bit older but he's only getting like 5 views and 1 like at a time. He's just reading stories out of the bible. Despite if your Christian or not this dude is genuinely trying to help people. Please if someone can help his channel grow.

I had a post up a few days ago. I ended up deleting it because I started getting messages from older men and it made me nervous. I'm afraid there might be some predators already in this community. Please just stay safe. Please forgive me for my fear. Just please use discernment.

I'm new here. I was gonna post something earlier but I got embarrassed and chose not to. I'm 31m and I've been addicted to crossdressing since I was 10. It inevitably lead into transgender ideology. I've done nothing to alter myself in that way but the temptations never stop. I can't help but feel that I would be loved and accepted if I were a woman. I apologized for my earlier fear. I'm used to hiding it but I'm hoping a like-minded can help. I've been a Christian for a while and God has helped me through many struggles with this. But this sin only getting more frequent and I'm getting tired of fighting.

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I struggle with homosexuality and porn addiction. I have for a long time. In my walk with Jesus, I'm starting to get to the point where these urges are getting less, but the temptations seem to be getting worse. I haven't given in yet, but i still occasionally look at videos. I dont have a church or really anyone to ask, but please pray for me to get through this if you will.