WIBTAH for distancing myself from my Jehovah’s Witness mother and sister after the way they’ve treated my son?
My family are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I am not.
My son recently completed boot camp and is currently stationed locally for training before he moves on to his next assignment. He’s currently close enough that we’ve been trying to spend time with him while we can. Yay!
When he originally left, we held a going away party for him. My mother, sister, and other Jehovah’s Witness family members chose not to attend because they do not support military service or involvement with the government. They also chose not to tell me they were not coming until I asked 2 days before since I had not heard from them. What made it more painful was that they did not simply stay home. They attended a graduation celebration for another Jehovah’s Witness family that same evening. It’s like because of their religion I do not get support from my family on anything that the JW’s deem unworthy. When I expressed that I was hurt, I was told they were very close to that family and hoped I would understand. The message I received was that celebrating someone else’s milestone was acceptable, but celebrating my son’s was not because of his choice to serve.
I tried to accept that even though it hurt.
More recently, my sister and I were going to be near the base where my son is currently training. I suggested we meet him for lunch. This was not a military event, ceremony, or celebration. It was simply lunch with her nephew.
She told me she would not go because it makes her uncomfortable and she does not support the government.
That really bothered me because my son is still the same person he’s always been. He is kind, respectful, and loves his family. The only thing that changed is that he joined the military.
For me, sharing a meal with a family member is not the same thing as endorsing every decision they have ever made. No one was asking her to support the military. I was asking if she wanted to have lunch with her nephew.
What makes this harder is that it feels like part of a much larger pattern. Over the years, I have often felt that my relationship with my Jehovah’s Witness family is conditional on whether I live according to their beliefs. I have tried to respect their religious choices, but I do not always feel that same respect in return.
Watching this now affect my son has made me question how much effort I should continue putting into these relationships. I am tired of feeling hurt, and I do not want my son to feel rejected by people who are supposed to love him.
I am not asking them to change their religion or support the military. I simply cannot understand refusing to attend your grandson’s or nephew’s celebration, then attending someone else’s celebration instead, and later refusing to even have lunch with him because of his career choice.
At this point, I am seriously considering creating distance between myself and my mother and sister.
WIBTAH?