My (24F) boyfriend (25M) says he loves me but isn’t attracted to me. Is that possible?
This is hard for me to type and kinda long so bare with me please.
My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. Long story short we got into a argument this weekend. After a while we started talking about some other issues just trying to put everything out there in the open for both of us. It came up how I have been losing weight over the past month. I am overweight and have lost 10 pounds in the past month. He has, recently, voiced to me how important it is to him that I lose weight, but I didn’t know the reason.
Well, this weekend it came out that it has a lot to do with his attraction to me. He isn’t attracted to me like I am to him and he has a sense of jealousy at my attraction towards him. We talked about it and I understand his point I have lied to him on numerous occasions about me, trying to lose weight and not. I was embarrassed and didn’t want him to know that I had given up or fallen back in the old habits. But now he doesn’t believe me or has a hard time believing I’m actually trying.
That wasn’t all that was said. It came up how it hurts me that he watches porn. I’ve opened his phone and it’s just been there. He has saved pictures of naked, girls and conversations with AI porn bots. It hurts me that he does that. He brought up that he used to use porn to want to have sex with me. He also said that he could stop if I needed him to, but that he used to use it to be attracted to me.
What he said hurt me a lot. Ever since things haven’t felt the same. The way I saw our relationship feels shattered and I can’t even think about the beginning of our relationship without feeling like it’s a lie. When I look back all I see is him dealing with me. All I think about is him seeing me as disgusting. I feel like he forced himself to touch me and that makes future times together weird. When he touches me, I feel like it’s forced and I’m hyper aware of myself. Everything I thought was only me, I’m now learning he saw too.
Now I feel torn. I will not leave him. We have a child together, but I want to fix this. I have been working on my health for a minute and I will continue to do so. But in the meantime, I need suggestions as to how not to feel this awful. Every moment spent with him I feel on edge. I feel like he sees every imperfection for what it is. I don’t know how to deal with it. How do I keep going like this? Can he really be in love with me if he’s not attracted to me?