Fellow 10+ yr trans men, does it get lonely?
I’ve been stealth ever since the age of 15. When I graduated from high school I was 17 and had the opportunity to access testosterone prior to college. I figured out a way to get top surgery by 18 and a full beard by 19. I changed everything legally at 18.
By the time I graduated college, I had inadvertently abandoned everybody I knew from high school. I didn’t have any friends back then and those that did moved away and I was so focused on developing this new identity that I didn’t care to focus on older relationships.
From the moment I started HRT, I’ve spent all of my efforts to create this new stealth identity who would be unrecognizable after college. Apart from the HRT, I had other medical needs that ended up dramatically changing the way my face looked.
Now to my point: I came across an “ inspirational” saying on Facebook along the lines of “ some people in my life have only known the old me, some of the New, and I love that you’ve seen all of me.”
The other day, I was trying to reminisce on an old memory from my childhood, and that had specifically to do with me being a girl, before I could even say that part, I remembered that I had to keep it to myself.
No one knows the old me anymore. Every memory, every photo, I’ve pretty much abandoned. I got what I wanted. Successfully stealth for over ten years. But it’s quite lonely up here.