u/DisastrousAthlete375

so I didn’t start dating till 21, and even then it wasn’t serious. I told them I just wanted to be friends and have fun, non sexual, outdoor recreation. I didn’t start thinking about seriously dating till I was 26 and that’s when my boyfriend showed up. If he hadn't stuck around I wouldn’t have given him a second thought. I don’t know if I even like him because I don’t feel anything but I do things. I behave different, I smile, laugh, call him all the time, cuddle, kiss and touch him. None of these things are like me at all.

there are things I love about him, his humor, his interest in dogs, reptile, and insect, lot of small things. but we practically compromise on everything our dreams and hobbie. I want to stay in the US, live in a trailer and work for the NPS. He wants to have his own company and travel the world. We both like the outdoors and survival though. He likes collecting, I think its just too much stuff. He likes gaming, I would prefer anything outside better. we don’t like the same movies or music, but we talk about sharing the same childhood things. Sometimes it feels like the only thing we do together is sex stuff. I’m a morning person and like to get up and move, he‘s a night owl and likes to move slow. I can’t seem to get him out on the trail before noon.

I keep thinking that I really should break up with him, but when ever I’m around him or talking to him I can’t. Even though I can’t feel I must really like him I think. We are long distance and I think about him all the time and miss him. I’ve never been this way about anyone. I don’t get home sick or miss people. I spent one day with my dad, my favorite person, best bud, and was missing my boyfriend the whole time. I know needing to compromise is a given in a relationship and I believe a relationship is a choice, there is no one person. He is my first boyfriend and we tried to date others because of the conflicts of lifestyle but we both don’t find anyone else worthwhile. I don’t know what makes a good relationship or a bad one?

26F, So I’m a very happy person. I always think the best of people, after all if you’re going to imagine something why not imagine the best. In the same way since my emotions don’t show up and dictate my mood. I’ve always choose to be happy.

For a long time I thought I didn’t need validation from others. Turns out I got validation from work and school, teachers and bosses. I may not have been a straight A student, but I always worked the hardest and was proud of my work. I lived for work and school.

Since I was six or seven, I knew what I wanted to be before I even knew what it was called. I knew I wanted to go college, I knew I wanted a masters degree. I had been planning and building my life for 20 years. a couple months ago I dropped out of my masters program, that was a miracle that I got in, because I couldn’t sit anymore.

I spent a whole month working with my teachers and advisor on a plan to help me finish my second semester while I was struggling. In the end, they screwed me over and that hit me really hard. I was always the smart, wise, perfect daughter, student employee. Now I can’t help but look at my life and see screw up. After all, what do you call a person who drops out of school, has no money, is in debt, living in their parents basement, with no job.

I know this isn’t true and I still believe in myself, but I’ve noticed that all the things that brought me joy don’t anymore. On the outside i’m perfectly fine. I still take care of myself and I’m still working towards something but my motivation is gone and so is my dream. I’m trying to build a new one, but I miss my old one. I miss who I was and it’s weighing me down.

I’ve never been controlled by the world, people, expectations, or emotions. I’ve always built myself and my future, but now I feel like my life is building me and I have no control. I don’t even seem to care about having a plan when normally I would have three or four, or more. I don’t wanna become a lazy no good person. I’ve been trying to get back to my usual self, my usual hobbies and activities, building routine. I tried a couple of therapy sessions, but I don’t respond well to “hum that’s interesting.” I don’t want to pay money if I can get more from a book. I want what the book can’t tell me.

This is my first time dealing with depression, I’ve dealt with stress and anxiety, but not this deep, dark, lethargicness. I’m not suicidal at all, but definitely not happy. What are some ways to deal with or manage depression? Specifically, how do I get out?