(rant) ((NEET lNDlAN APPLICANTS GO AWAY WRONG SUB)) i believe today is my anniversary from becoming an employment avoider. Life has only gotten worse and i got only meself to blame
haven't done much this whole year, had to stop working because of a mental breakdown lasting almost a month. I had a math exam the other day and i literally did not estudy for it at all even though i got like 3 months of leeway. Me dad told me to at least binge math videos and practice all night and he had been reminding me for weeks but i'm still a useless bastard i guess, froze up the day before and did not look at anything whatsoever.
i keep getting scolded and yelled at for being a junkie and being so high i vomit or make a fool out of meself or anything related which is completely understandable but people don't understand that junkies still love their loved ones and we are struggling in one of the worst ways possible, otherwise we wouldn't turn to substance abuse. Not like i don't want to kms (keep myself safe) over the fact this affects him regardless
either way, got no one to talk to. I only go out once in a full moon, got no one to talk to except the sporadic person i encounter in online games and my ex that messaged me recently but she's never got time for me and with my BPD i get attached and clingy and no one is dealing with all that
idek how to go through life buh. This shit is so ass!!! Not even drugs feel good anymore, just doing them to feel something different or because i still have some. i've even started thinking of suicide actively and realistically again when that was a rare ocurrence or something i did not give much attention to
anyways