TW: SELF-HARM/MUTILATION
Daniel was, by all accounts, a good son. Daniel was a good, obedient son. He was born to his flesh units, Melanie and Stuart Smith, on January 17, 2303, and given to his M-Print Units on January 17, 2303. He was raised by two M-Print Units, the “classic duo” edition Units, The Maternal and Paternal model. Daniel was raised to be a good, obedient son. His M-Print units were the final models made before the Father Company went bankrupt in 2310, the most efficient units to date according to every commercial billboard. The updates throughout the years raised the most compliant children. In 2209, they removed the eyes and smiles from the units, replacing them with a tablet that displayed joy images for a numbing effect. In 2240, they discontinued the warming middle as it had been cited in a study that the children had found it “too comforting,” and it turned them clingy. In 2301, they removed every component the shareholders deemed “inefficient” and left the children with the perfectly acceptable Unit equipped with only a speaker, tablet, and either a bottle or a paddle hand, depending on what model you selected, however you can also put both hands on one unit, but people do look down on the single unitters. The units instilled the children with what they would need to survive in society. When Daniel showed signs of being unfit for the world, he was promptly punished, and the punishments were not easy. The creators of the M-Print Units had found that children learned the most important lessons the fastest when they were in pain. So, when 8-year-old Daniel displayed the displeasing behavior of anger, like when his Maternal would not make him a cake for his birthday because it was not necessary for his success, he would be taught that this is not a tolerated action and would receive a paddling to the point of welts, and then be isolated in his off-mode chamber until he could be trusted not to be angry again. When Daniel had once dared to cry after being stung by an insect at age 9, to which his M-Prints replied with disapproval
“Daniel, the tears will not make you unstung,” The Paternal Unit ‘said’ from its speaker. “There is no reason for this reaction, son. Be quiet in this moment.”
“It hurts, please,” Daniel cried as the M-Prints held him down and utilized its paddle once again, instilling in Daniel the thoughts and beliefs he would need to survive. They taught Daniel to be quiet and docile. He did not rock the boat; he did not want to be noticed. He wanted to survive. Daniel wanted to be a good son. He learned to understand the M-Prints. He wanted their approval, and he would strip himself of everything to get it. He knew how his life would have to go in order to make his M-Prints feel like they accomplished their assignment of raising him. He was to find a job, a wife, and birth the next generation to be raised by the leftover M-Prints. And he was on his way.
Daniel lived with his mate Mary, who was raised by her flesh units. This was not a common approach, but if you were in the class that could afford to not be at work, it was an option. Daniel met her at their job and found her to be a perfectly acceptable mate who could produce compliant children. When they had met, Daniel had not known she was raised by flesh; she was much too put together at work for him to assume that. But as time went on, the difference in his upbringing and hers became more noticeable. This difference between them was one neither liked to address, but at times it boiled to the surface of both.
“ I don’t know why you are crying. Where do your tears come from?” Daniel held Mary’s face while he looked at her, empty but almost caring.
“My eyes, Daniel, I cry from my human eyes, and my human heart. From my mind, my feelings! Do not give me that unsure look! You are human too, I know you can feel it!” This is a conversation they often had after Mary began to show emotion at a time that did not “make sense” to Daniel. Daniel did not grow up with tears or any emotion for that matter, as an acceptable feature for a child to display. Becoming an adult did not remove this rhetoric from his rules, but he tried to leave room for at least logical emotion. Mary’s comment made Daniel hot, hot like the time his M-Print unit would not kiss his hand after he had hurt himself, as this was not necessary to his survival, and was viewed as attention-seeking behavior. Daniel screamed at his Unit, he exploded, small and angry, and the word hate spilled from his lips. The Maternal Unit activated the Paternal Unit to utilize its paddle hand in order to teach Daniel the lesson he displayed to Mary in this moment.
“Mary, I do not. I have told you this. I do not feel. I am cold. I am robotic at my core. I cannot understand what you’re meaning.” Daniel pleaded for his mate to understand where he was coming from. However, he knew she was not lying with what she had said; he had eyes like hers, but he could not make them do the tears like Mary could. Mary could produce from her eyes seemingly whenever she wanted. Daniel did not understand why he was not able to access that ability.
“My Daniel, I know this is not true. I feel your warmth when we lie down for rest, I do not feel metal when we are flesh to flesh.” Mary knew this would make no difference to the man she loved. His training was far too strong. She pleaded nonetheless. “I have felt your blood rush. I’ve seen you crack. Why can’t you just let yourself be human? Daniel, please look at me.” She grabbed his face and made him lock eyes with her
“Mary, I am not like you.” Daniel fought back his feelings to say this as flatly as he was capable. “I wish you could understand that you do not have to feel this way, if you had been raised right by M-Prints, you’d understand.”
“I am not a robot, Daniel, and NEITHER ARE YOU!” Mary broke and released what she had held back since the last time they fought over this, shoving her finger into his chest, scratching his surface. “I am human, Daniel, I am flesh and blood. You are not a robot. Are you human, Daniel? What are you?” Mary was quieter this time, so tired. She was looking for an answer; she thought she had known Daniel, but every time they had this fight, she was less sure. Daniel did not know what to say back. His mind was not equipped with the qualities to handle such a discomforting situation with someone he desired to stay close to. He stayed silent. He was raised to be good, and he was going to be good. He wished she would just hit him so he could learn his lesson and satisfy her. “I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and watch you, never know what to say. Will you ever learn how to be human?” Mary stared at Daniel with her loving eyes, wet and big, until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She packed everything she’d need and went to her flesh unit’s quarters. Daniel couldn’t help but notice how much colder the house felt without her.
Daniel did not know what he was. His being raised by bots made it so that that is when he felt the most comfortable, surrounded by other unfeeling beings, but in moments like this, it was impossible for him to deny his human reality. He was on fire, his soul was stretching in his form and exploding from every orifice. He could not process the thoughts that were flooding his brain. Am I human? How can I be human? Am I this flesh? No, is this flesh mine? What am I supposed to do with these feelings? Where do I put them? How will I learn? Please let me be good. Daniel began to stare at his arms. Using his human eyes to trace the veins from his fingers, over the back of his hand, and up his forearm, and into the rest of his parts. He could feel the information from his hands being sent through wires into his Motherboard. He knew what he needed to do. He needed an answer. An answer that he could give Mary and satisfy her needs, he could finally tell her for certain what he is. His legs moved him to the bathroom at top speed before he could even consider overriding this input. Daniel grabbed the straight-edge razor he used to keep presentable and clean and examined its sharp edge. He stared at his stretched reflection in the blade, looking into his own watery eyes. “This will do,” Daniel’s brain told his hands to signal to them to bring the razor down to find the answer Daniel needed. He began dragging the razor into his skin, separating his exterior layers, and finding his insides. The oil of his flesh flooded from the wound, he dropped his instrument and his fingers on the other hand unit went searching inside the red mess. He could feel the wires and structures that moved the information from his hands to the rest of his body and the components that allowed each digit to articulate. Daniel did not like the answer this action directed him towards. Watching the blood leave his hands made him feel sick. The pain in his hand was one he had known before. This wasn’t the first time he had hurt himself searching for his humanity. It was in fact when he felt most human; Daniel felt his blood boiling, he felt his heart racing, and hot tears welling up in his eyes. He removed his fingers from the wound, picking up the razor again, purposefully using it to open his hand up more, no longer moving with any level of precision. He wanted to see what he was made of. This action did not clear the anger that had been activated in Daniel. The answer did not satisfy him. He needed more, and he knew exactly where to find it.
Daniel arrived at the storage facility that held his M-Print Units in a simulation to keep the bots functioning, his hand wrapped in a soaked-through pack of gauze. When he entered their room, the units immediately alerted to him.
“Hello Daniel, what is it that you are here for?” His Maternal unit said flatly. The Paternal unit remained silently standing behind the other. Both noticed Daniel’s hand, ignoring it because their systems’ had decided that it was likely another inappropriate childish bid for attention.
“Maternal, please, why can’t you love me?” Daniel pleaded while holding his throbbing hand tightly. Feeling the warm blood drip through the bandages and wetting his other hand.
“You know that I cannot love Daniel; that feature was removed from my processing unit in 2301. Loving is not necessary. You were raised to be a good son. You were fed and taught lessons, everything a child needs to succeed. We succeeded Daniel. You were such a good, quiet little boy. What has happened to you? Have you forgotten your lessons?” The Maternal M-Print could not process why Daniel had seemingly reverted so far in his updates. How could he forget what they spent so long teaching him?
“Maternal look,” Daniel began unwrapping his hand, “please see, I am not a robot, I can’t not be loved, please please see this.” He ripped the gauze from his wound, the sticky blood making it hurt worse. Daniel dug his fingers into his opening and started pulling the veins out of the hand and shoving the red, dripping wires against its cold metal chest. “Why can’t you see what you’ve done to me?” Daniel grabbed both of their “hands” and shoved the bottle and paddle against his throbbing hand. This is the hottest he had ever felt; the feeling was only made more obvious against their cold bodies.
“Daniel, this does not satisfy us. We need you to be normal and well-adjusted in order for you to produce with a mate for us. Don’t you want to satisfy us? What will you live for if not to be the best son we could raise?” The Paternal Unit voiced from its speaker, still in a flat tone but more authoritative this time. Entirely disregarding the blood their son left all over them, “You need to control yourself. You’re a mess.”
“You did this to me. I am not a robot. I cannot ignore this. You are killing me. Please, can’t you see I have a human brain and heart and feelings. Can’t you see my blood and veins? Can’t you see what I am? CAN YOU SEE I AM HUMAN? LOOK AT YOUR SON.” Daniel was screaming at this point. His heart was pounding in his ears and chest, and most of all in his hands. Daniel throbbed with humanity.
“Daniel, you were raised to be a good son. Why would you act and feel this way? We raised you quieter than this. This is unacceptable behavior. Stop it. Be Still.”
Daniel’s hands told him what he must do again; he knew they were exactly right. Daniel grabbed both units by their cold central panels and manhandled them until he had them on what should have been their stomachs, and he stared at their deactivate buttons. He saw them glowing red and bright, calling for him to shut them off forever. To free himself from them. To end their rule over his life. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Red-hot hate was the only thing running through Daniel’s brain. He flipped the units back over and began ripping at their parts, removing the Maternal’s bottle to expose its arm’s sharp, unfinished edges. He used the handle end of the Paternal’s paddle to smash the tablets of both the M-Prints. Daniel began to scream, “I AM HUMAN! LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME” as he shoved his stomach on its bottleless arm, tearing through his skin, and penetrating his guts. He grabbed handfuls of the screens’ glass shards from the floor, slicing the skin on the palms of his fingers, and stuffed the pieces into his mouth. He was going to show the units all of his dripping humanity. Daniel let out a guttural sob.
“Daniel, we cannot love you. You know this, Daniel. Please, why are you acting like this over something so clear? I do not love you and I never will. Once you’ve accepted this, you will get to be a good son.” The bots repeated this idea over Daniel’s continued screaming, trying to logically explain the situation to him. He ripped the wires from the speaker part of the bot, shutting it up, finally letting him speak uninterrupted. Daniel did not give up screaming because he knew the bots were getting the input based on the LEDs where the bots’ ears should be, still lighting up at every word he said. “I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU YOU’RE KILLING ME CAN’T YOU SEE YOU’RE KILLING ME!” The words were gurgled through the blood he spat from his throat onto the bots as he crunched the sharp glass between his teeth. He knew this action hurt the bots, much more than it hurt him. He knew him dying was the only thing they could understand. That they had failed at raising a good son. The son they had raised was a hollow shell of a human, but in his final moments as Daniel laid on the floor tangled and mangled amongst the bodies of the M-Prints he was certain that was human, because Mary was exactly right, and Daniel’s last action in the human world was him breaking into a final sob because Daniel knew he felt, he felt love for his Mary, he felt anger at his M-Prints and before he died he finally felt joy knowing that he was destroying at least one pair of the Prints who could not raise humans.