u/Disastrous_Fox_7366

I am starting my journey and part of me doesn't even want to. I feel mentally ok with never having piv sex again but feel like I'm only starting this journey for my boyfriends benefit and pleasure. Which makes me kind of resent the whole process before I even start. I am the one who has to take time almost every day to do something uncomfortable, get lube all over and have to clean myself up after and I just would rather not do any of it. So I'm going into this angry almost. My boyfriend is unbelievably supportive which makes me feel even worse that I feel this way. Just wondering if anyone else started out resentful but maybe found themselves in the process? Or found their own pleasure in the process?