r/vaginismus

when i first learned about it i was convinced i had it, but when i see people talk about their experiences suddenly i’m not so sure.

i can have PIV, but its always painful unless i start on top. i’ve found that i can almost ease myself on & if they just let me get used to it i can actually enjoy myself, but thats literally the only workaround. it doesn’t matter how gentle they are, if i’m not able to ease myself on its always painful. sometimes it’s bearable, but sometimes i literally can’t take it, have to stop & it feels like the first time all over again

i can use tampons, i just have to go really slowly, literally close my eyes, breathe slowly & have to kind of tell myself ‘i can do this’. tbh i don’t find them comfortable, but sometimes i have no choice. i’ve been told that its not normal to still feel uncomfortable at this stage. i’ve also seen on here that some can’t use them at all. i actually passed out the first time i used one, which i can laugh about now but was honestly awful 😂

i haven’t quite gauged how much i can say on here yet, so i’ll come back at some point when i figure it out

for context: i couldn’t lose my virginity the first few times because my body was rejecting it, like it was literally impossible. when i eventually did i was in pain ofc, but it’s still painful years later unless i start in a specific position. i keep thinking it’s gonna get easier, but it hasn’t really - minus the workaround

i don’t know a whole lot about this, or if there’s a spectrum or anything

based off of what i’ve said, do you think i have vaginismus?

i haven’t gone to my gp about it, because i can’t bare the thought of that conversation

Recently I’ve come to terms with having vaginismus after years of having painful sex and penetration. I always think if I’m just turned on and wet enough, sex won’t hurt. But I recently tried to have sex with my friend and I’m still sore a couple of days later. My OB recommended me a physical therapist and sex therapist. All the sexual wellness places I looked into don’t take insurance. I haven’t gotten around to scheduling a physical therapist, but I’m guess I’m wondering what else I can do since I can’t really do sex therapy.

Sorry to keep coming back with questions lol, I've been doing some exercises my new PT recommended, and it's been very informative but also meant more things to wonder about.

I've been making a pain map of my vulva to see if there are any other issues, and it's helped me verbalise an issue of mine - the bottom of the inner labia where the two parts meet is called the frenulum, and it's kind of like the membrane between your fingers. Makes sense right? However, my vaginal opening is small and partially behind the frenulum instead of above it in the middle of the vestibule. Never mind insertion, even trying to get near the entrance is really painful bc anything larger than a q-tip is too big and stretches the frenulum. And it's a stretchy membrane but if you pull at the one between your fingers you get how it can only stretch so much (and in the frenulum's case yank at the rest of your vulva!).

I'm glad I have this info to talk over with her when I see her in a few months, but I'm concerned because even outside of vaginismus or vestibulodynia I'm not really sure how anyone gets around that, and haven't seen anyone with their opening in the same place. Anyone else in the same boat?

my boyfriend is really understanding over the whole no penetration sex and he doesnt pressure me, but i think my brain has associated oral, handjobs etc with penetration and therefore pain. i do sometimes like it, but i dont like initiating, and i dont really know how. im anxious and possibly autistic (currently exploring). i feel really bad that im not giving him anything. i dont push myself to do anything and its a bit of a problem

Ich habe schon lange Vaginismus, habe letztens das 1. Mal die Dilatoren ausprobiert.

Ich kenne mich da noch zuwenig aus. Wenn es anfängt stark zu verkrampfen und schmerzen, macht ihr da trotzdem weiter? Oder soll man dann aufhören? Da bei mir dies vorallem im kopf geschieht (vermute ich mal), wie versucht ihr euch zu entspannen? Empfindet ihr noch Lust? Ich habe seit 2 Jahren kaum noch Lustempfinden..

I am curious to know what sex with a lady with vaginismus feels like vs how it feels like with a lady without vaginismus..i have had piv before with someone,but after 2 encounters he started being distant..so i am wondering if maybe he hadn’t enjoyed it..i am currently talking to someone towards a relationship,and i cant help think,what if he doesnt enjoy it as well and he leaves.

I lost my virginity at 26 but had sex only one time with a man that manipulated me now I’m 30 had a junkie boyfriend who has erections problems . Otherwise people don’t believe me because I do onlyfans

Exactly what it says in the title, experience was uncomfortable and nerve-wracking and taking it out was super painful but I was still very happy to finally be able to do it and wanted to share! I went swimming while on my period, something I thought I would never do!

I’m so mad rn. I had to work a major event in my small town all day today and completely ran out of pads. Now it’s almost midnight and I freaking need pads and the only thing open is Sheetz and all they have in stock is TWO BOXES OF TAMPONS. Fml

I’m in NSW Australia and I’m on the list for a public physio to get diagnosed and hopefully get further treatment. The wait time is unknown tho they said it could be months before I get an appointment. I have a long term partner and I hate using pads so I can’t have sex or use tampons and it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know if waiting that long is the best option. I’m thinking of going private but I’m a full time uni student and don’t qualify for study allowance or a health card (could be looked more into). How many times did people have to see the physio like is it a regular thing because I could afford like a one off $200 but I can’t do multiple.

My case is considered so extreme I was discharged from physical therapy with no improvement, so I've been trying to explore every possible alternative. Dilators can't get near the vaginal opening at all and just hurt so bad I can hardly walk if I try, and medication's been useless. The only similar experiences I've read about that seem to match mine are people who turned out to have microperforate hymens.

Everything about my vulva looks normal and healthy to me and the doctors who've seen it, with the only noticeable thing being the vestibule/vaginal opening is tiny to the point holding up a q-tip covers it completely (so I can never see how close it is to the vaginal opening lol). That's also the only thing that can insert even if there's still some internal pain. I'm wondering if it might be a hymen issue, so can they still look "normal?" Any feedback really appreciated

I’m getting my nexplanon rod out this month has anyone had an experience where this has helped (going off of it). I did some research and apparently high oestrogen levels can be one of the causes of vaginismus. Has anyone gotten their hormone levels checked and should I ask my doctor to check them.

I don’t even know how to start this. I’m 24 and I have vaginismus and I am nowhere close to okay with it.

Some days I can talk about it clinically, like it’s just a medical thing. Other days it wrecks me. I look at my body and I feel like it’s betrayed me. Like I’m not even fully a woman because I can’t do the one thing that feels like it should be basic. I know that’s not fair or true, but knowing that logically hasn’t stopped me from feeling it every single day. The insecurity is constant. I can’t masturbate with penetration, I can’t have PIV sex, and every time I try, my body just says no — it clenches up and there’s nothing I can do about it in that moment. It doesn’t matter how much I want it to be different. My body isn’t listening to me and that loss of control over my own body is one of the hardest parts of this.

I’m in active treatment right now — trigger point injections, compounded vaginal suppositories, at-home dilation with a wand — and it is not cheap. Between appointments, meds, and the equipment, the cost adds up fast, and I’m already stretched thin financially. I approved treatment because I have to, but there are nights I do the math and just feel sick about it.

But the money isn’t even the hardest part. It’s the grief. I’m grieving my sex life at 24. I’m grieving my love life too — the version of dating and intimacy I thought I’d have by now. I don’t know how to bring this up to someone I’m interested in. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a place where sex feels normal instead of like a medical project I’m managing. Nobody talks about how lonely this is. I don’t really have an ask here. I just needed to put it somewhere. If anyone else is deep in treatment and still struggling to accept it emotionally, even while doing everything “right” — I’d love to know I’m not the only one.

Hi! Im 19F and ive never had sex, nor i have masturbated myself with penetration. Lately, ive been curious about my body and ive checked myself private parts a lot, i genuenly dont know how to find the vagina opening (?) nor how to finguer myself or find a tampon. I cant seem to find it and i dont want to apply preassure just for the sake of curiosity. Maybe i am and hypocondriac, but ive been thinking if maybe i have vaginismus(?) sorry if it sounds silly, i will probably go to a gynecologist to get it checkt even tho it seems a bit random to go to check if my vagina is opened. How did u notice that u had vaginismus? Should i try to insert a tampon or smth to try and figure it out?? Thanks and sorry for the silly question

Hello lovely people, I need your help...

I'm really frustrated. First of all, I am a 25 year old virgin with no experience at all. I sometimes try to masturbate but I'm too afraid of the upcoming feeling that I always stop myself. I can only insert one finger and inserted a tampon only once in my life. If I did it correctly is questionable because I hated the feeling while moving around. I once went to the gynecologist and they had to stop using their tool immediately because it hurt too much for me and I don't think it was even inside. I never had a boyfriend I did these things with. When I try inserting a second finger it really hurts and I can feel a kind of "ring" around my fingers. And also it kind of feels like I have to shit but I really don't have to. Because of the pain I stop again (and also I don't want anything to tear or shit myself lol). This is really so frustrating because I always imagined sex'n'stuff as something that's fun and now I'm simply afraid that I'm not functioning... So my question is, am I just a cowardy virgin and will it be easier with a boyfriend or could it really be vaginismus? I would like to emphasize that I'm a very anxious person so maybe it's just that? Ahhh

Hello. 19F here. As you can read from the title above, it is enough of a suggestion to what’s upcoming.

When I was 17, I had someone who I used to supposedly call my bf.

When we first indulged into my “first time intimacy with a guy” things were out of my consent.

No foreplay, no tension building, just straight up forcing shit and no fingering too because whenever he went for it, it hurt SO BAD.

no lube also.

When he forcibly was going for the PIV, it started hurting real bad and I forced him to stop.

After that, I felt embarrassed the whole day till now. It’s a traumatising memory. A lot to unwrap so I’d leave it like that.

He was my first boyfriend, I had/have no experience.

I have been SA-ed 4-5 times till now.

But, my drive is VERY HIGH but I’m very scared of sex for YEARS.

Sex in my imagination is WAY more beautiful than in real life.

To me, it’s like “wdym I will have to get out of my clothes to do that?”

I have terrible self esteem issues and most of it is not fulfilling the unrealistic beauty standards/trends.

Before all this, I have tried to touch myself but I’m just very scared until a few months back, I again went for it bravely, and accidentally could slip a finger inside. It was a “aha!” moment for me.

I have studied at an all girls’ school all my school life, never interacted with guys b4 my first boyfriend came into my life.

Also the worst part is I have terrible daddy issues like growing up with an absent father isn’t easy who has been abusive physically, emotionally and mentally all my life with too much financial instability.

I have had so much emotional baggage since childhood that now I’m left all lonely because my home environment forced me to grow up at a very very young age (attain maturity faster) and I never meddle well with people of my own age.

I have never had my personal room because I cannot sleep alone because of my panic attacks.

I have tried to open up about my traumas b4 but I have been met with people who have a syndrome of “how do I make this about myself and blame them for playing the victim card?” When there is no concept of playing the victim card because my biological father has been an asshole all his life till now and I don’t open up to anyone anymore.

I’m very reserved and I hate being vulnerable.

Now recently, when I wonder that when I’d someday again opt for sex with my future partner, how is it gonna turn out....

Because I have a feeling it is gonna hurt no matter the amount of foreplay or lubrication is done and it’s gonna bleed and I don’t want my partner to be disappointed in me when we’d indulge in that.

I want to make that man feel pleasurable and I really want both of us to ENJOY sex but I’m just too scared because having sex is a very intimate act and you gotta get pretty vulnerable for that, and I think I’m not ready to let my walls down pretty easily cause all of the men I have loved till now, have left me broken.

I’m trying to heal and explore myself well.

This was a venting/rant post. Any type of comments are appreciated.

Thank you. 🪻

I have vaginismus and have been seeing a physical therapist through Kaiser. I just feel very conflicted though. When I first saw her, at my very first appointment, she did an internal exam to assess me. Then after that, during every appointment, all we do is talk about my progress with using dilators at home, some stretches to do at home, and some documentaries and books she recommends for me to watch/read. My question is, is this normal? We don’t actually do any physical therapy during the appointment and she never does any internal work on me. I feel like I’ve been making no progress and I’m wondering if this is why, since I’ve been doing no internal work at alll and she makes my appointments once a month.

Hey all! My husband and I would like to start trying for a baby. I feel like such a failure that i can’t handle him inside me or even the tip without tears in my eyes from pain. We have been together 10 years and he is an absolute saint who has been nothing but kind and patient through this entire ordeal. I am using dilators- but I just started them and have been diaphragm breathing. I can get and keep the smallest one in halfway. I wanted to know what supplies to use to try and inseminate myself. We did purchase collection cups and ovulation tests and the oral syringes. We got them today but looking at the syringe is making me panic. Everything I find online says to use oral syringes but then sharp edge after the tip is making me clamp at the thought of using. Did anyone have success with vaginal syringes used for creams? Example: https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Suppository-Applicator-Suppositories%EF%BC%8CThreaded-Markings%EF%BC%8CIndividually/portal/customer-reviews/B0DRN6Q52Z. Thank you for any advice ❤️

So I’m not sure if I have vaginismus, and I’d just like some advice. Context I’m 23 and this person is my first, and sex is a sensitive topic in my family unfortunately (parents are very religious)….

The first time I had sex, it was really painful during entry. Since then, the entrance always hurts. I think because it hurt the first time, my brain automatically anticipates pain and makes me tighten up.

I tried using edibles to see if relaxing mentally would help. The first time still hurt, but the second time I got high, I tried breathing exercises and decided to go on top. It went in well and I really enjoyed myself!
Recently, I tried it sober. I prepped with some yoga stretches, we did foreplay, and I got on top. Even though it was a little sore going in, it wasn’t too bad and I enjoyed it so much. I definitely prefer being on top now because I can relax, though when it slips out and goes back in, it’s still a bit sore.

My main issue now is that I can’t do doggy style and still pain during entry. It feels like he is hitting something deep inside and I just can't take it. I actually had that same "hitting something" feeling when trying to go on top at first, but now that I'm used to it, on top feels great.

Does this sound like vaginismus, and any advice on how to fix the soreness and the pain from deep penetration? Any opinions appreciated!