r/vaginismus

I dont have many people i can tell irl about this but i just had penetrative sex for the first time and im so overwhelmed with how proud i am of myself and i just never thought it would happen after 8 years of slow progress, and even more years of being undiagnosed and just feeling broken

I dont even know how it happened, im nowhere near a large dilation size, but i have a new sexual partner and idk my body just felt so safe and relaxed with him... we had both agreed to wait for a few months for me to get regularly dilating again after falling off the bandwagon the past year, but when we were doing other stuff last night we both just wanted to give it a try and after a bit of warming up it went in!!

It feels like such a shallow thing but im just so happy with myself and it felt so validating that i could do it

For context on my situation: I am undiagnosed but I'm certain it is vaginismus. I've been doing kegal exercises on-and-off for around a year, but properly locked in around two months ago, and I've been using dilators for 2.5 weeks.

I've been seeing a new guy for around a month now. He's really sweet and obviously knows about my condition and is 100% down for doing whatever I am comfortable with sexually. In the bedroom, he's been so careful and constantly asks me if I'm okay and tells me to tell him when to stop if I'm uncomfortable, even during outercourse (bare minimum I know but it's still real sweet).

Before last night, we had only ever gotten one finger in painlessly, and two fingers in with some discomfort.

I will get TMI here maybe. Last night, we were kissing and doing some frottage in missionary. He asked if we could try penetration since I was 'really wet', I said we could. He managed to insert it, but it hurt. We tried to wait a little with no movement, but it remained uncomfortable so he pulled out. But I felt very happy and motivated knowing it could work in the first place.

We continued as we were doing, and I got on top. I suggested we try again with me on top - and it went in with only slight discomfort! Yay! We waited a minute for the discomfort to lessen, and then he did some shallow thrusts. The discomfort was barely there anymore and it was starting to feel okay, so he started properly thrusting. He was pretty worked up anyway so he only ended up lasting maybe a minute or two. Then we high-fived lol.

He was tired because he had been at work all day so I finished myself while he had a sleep. Then a couple hours later, he woke up and we ended up trying for round 2, with me on top again. This time, it was barely uncomfortable at all when first inserting it and by the end it felt more than okay, it felt really good. So not only did I do PIV for the first time, I did it for the second too!! (and I can't wait for the third!).

So onto my thoughts/opinions. I think the most important thing was being with a partner I felt comfortable with. I've not been seeing this guy for that long, only a month, but he's been so kind and respectful the whole time that I genuinely did feel like this was someone I could be comfortable around in the bedroom. I have a habit of wanting to be seen a certain way which makes me a little awkward and nervous, but I never felt like that with him so I think that's why it went successfully.

I was a person who genuinely worried all the time that I was never going to be able to have PIV and often let it get me down. Oftentimes, I would feel so demotivated and I felt like I was 'broken' or less of a woman. And it's just genuinely I've realised I can not let myself feel that way. I am exactly who I am and it's not my fault that I have a medical condition.

The only thing I do wish went differently is that I wish I made some effort lol. He basically did all of the work, and I think he was happy to, but I do wish I had done more than just sit there while he fucked me lol. Maybe next time I see him I'll have to thank him for being so kind with me ;)

im speaking on my husband's account as a virgin, we just got married last week and we are trying to have sex but we're having a difficult time getting further than an inch in. He used his finger with a lot of lube to go in first and he can only get an inch of his finger in and we have been doing this for 2 days now, I feel a lot of pressure as he puts his finger further inside and a feeling of tearing and that makes me tense up even as im trying to breathe and communicate with him.

Any advice is appreciated 🙏❤️

i’m so happy right now. i was stuck on the 3rd dilator for monthsss and i was so hard on myself for not making progress. every session i felt immense guilt and shame and i just wanted it to be over. since learning to accept my situation and give myself more grace, i’ve made it from the 3rd to the 6th size in just a couple months!! i feel so much better and it finally feels like there’s an end in sight. i’m so proud of how far i’ve come.

So the moment I got my primary vaginismus diagnosis, I hit the ground running with trying to get botox for my pudendal nerve, and my PA recommended that I see a PT as a first line of defense before getting into the injections. I agreed with her after mulling it over insofar as I figured it was important to understand my girl (coochie) on a physical level before trying to throw corrective medicine at her to 'fix' her. And I am so glad I did. I went on my second PT visit this morning and my wonderful PT and I worked our way up to a full finger insertion with little to no pain and some cool breath-work, mental exercises! Mind you, I've never even been able to insert a suppository before, much less a finger or a tampon.

I literally almost cried when she told me. I didn't even notice how far her finger was and was admittedly skeptical until she was pulling out and I realized it took forever!

And I do things that should cause me to feel proud of myself all the time. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn when I say this but, I kind of always am positioned in a way that I can and do attain validation from being apart of high-achieving things. I study and work in a high-powered industry where I can exact change everyday, I chair large organizations that help the underserved communities I'm apart of, I maintain wonderful relationships with family and friends and loved ones. But I have never ever felt as proud of myself as I did in that moment. I'm proud of being able to sit in with and connect to my entire body, I'm sooooo proud of my girl even though I have to fight feelings of betrayal and disappointment towards her everyday because of my primary vaginismus. But most of all, I'm proud that I gave her a chance to be understood.

Nothing is wrong with Botox, I'll probably still even go that route because I do want extenuating results! But I wasn't even going to give myself the chance to figure this issue out on my own. I thought for certain that if I didn't get foreign intervention, I'd have this condition forever and no progress was going to be made organically. But that was a deep and unjustified mistrust I habored towards my own self and I hadn't noticed that until I was processing the shock and relief I felt after my PT session.

So I am patting myself on the back for giving my girl the chance to stun me into humility and into remembering to trust her. Because she is me! And I hope this is helpful to someone else, to give your girl the chance to impress you and prove you wrong!

i’m a 27F who recently got into a new relationship (5 months now) with an amazing guy. i’ve never met anyone so nice, supportive, caring, you name it. the problem is sex. since the very first time i had sex it has caused me pain. and it’s with every single guy. no matter how big or small. i’ve gotten many tests done at the gyno to rule out infections, cysts, endometriosis, everything came back normal! i’ve tried lube, and most recently prescribed diazepam (the kind you insert) and even that has not helped. i’m never in the mood bc my body knows at this point ill just be in pain. i never initiate anything, and honestly don’t even think about intimacy anymore. the problem is this is the first guy i truly feel comfortable with and listened and tried to understand what i go through instead of judge me. since he’s so amazing i do want to please him! but i just can’t :( i don’t know how. i try to push through sex but most times we have to stop because its too painful. i feel bad about myself and that he’s not being fulfilled. he’s never said ANYTHING negative but i feel like he deserves more.. :( HELP what do i do?

On my fifth session of dilation I noticed increased burning sensation. Its not the same as the discomfort of burning with stretching but felt more like an irritation burn. It doesn’t feel super deep, more close to the entrance, I even kinda feel it in my labia. I did switch to a new lube so I am considering that could be a problem, but I wanted to know if its possible I also just need a break? Can I irritate the tissue from frequent penetration?

I did all these sessions within a week. Was that too frequent?