r/vaginismus

Diagnosed with vaginismus. I'm crying from frustration. FML. it took me so long to finally get the courage to go and my fears came true. It was hellishly painful like I was being actively skewered and torn in half. And even when I told them to keep going despite the pain it was mechanically impossible. Unsuccessful and now referred to pelvic floor pt.

I'm just so furious and frustrated with my body. I really wanted to start pursuing options to have a child via ART one day and now everything is on hold because I can't do a friggin pap smear or any gyno exam. I did the deep breathing Ive been to therapy I'm just like WTF is wrong with my body why is it like this. This is gonna make everything harder.

Angry and furious and frustrated. I'll go to pt but right now I just want to smash something. You had one job, vagina. Why tf are you like this. I hate everything.

I’m with my first bf and he also was/is a virgin so we‘re still learning basics of sex at the moment lol even though we’re mid 20s

I haven’t managed to do PIV at all yet i think because of vaginismus. But I noticed it’s a lot worse if he’s trying to finger me/do PIV rather than when im doing it to myself. And i think it could be because when he’s trying to find the vagina he accidentally touches my urethra which hurts so I clench.

idk if it’s normal to get pain from that, because theyre so close together, surely for most ppl it would be expected to occasionally touch it during sex right? But for me it feels horrible, if he so much as brushes against it I instantly clench and lose all my arousal

basically asking here to see if this is normal and any advice. do you think it would help if I literally point out to him my urethra and im like please avoid?

also if I compare how my vulva looks to vulva anatomy diagrams, my urethra and vagina are way closer together like literally right next to each other

Hiya, guys looking for some advice here. I have mild Vaginismus, from past sexual assault. It has improved to the point now, where I can enjoy both digital penetration and PIV, but yesterday my partner noticed that I tend to clench a bit, it's obviously involuntary and isn't particularly painful or causing any damage, but I'm just curious as to what's going on, and what possible steps I can take to help with the clenching?

Has your PT ever done an internal assessment while you are standing up? My PT wants to try today and I’m nervous. I can’t insert anything on my own when I am standing so I’m afraid it’s going to hurt.
Has anyone ever had this done? Is it weird?

I’m looking for recommendations for a qualified urogynecologist with experience in treating vaginismus and related pelvic floor disorders in Delhi NCR.

I’ve come across CK Birla, Apollo Cradle, and Fortis La Femme as centres that seem to have experience with these issues. I’m also aware that a good female pelvic-floor physiotherapist is an important part of treatment, and I’ve seen that some experienced practitioners consult at these centres.

Would really appreciate personal experiences or recommendations for specific doctors/physiotherapists, particularly those who take a multidisciplinary approach and have genuine experience with vaginismus.

Has anyone experienced questioning their sexuality because of this? Since I associate sex with pain, I obviously never want it. This makes me question if I’m asexual? But then I’m like well I never had that thought before finding out I had vaginismus? Everything about the condition is a mind eff.

I got diagnosed with vaginismus today and I’m supposed to have a consultation with a physical therapist soon and do therapy involving dilators. I’m 20 and I feel devastated I have to do this and I’m scared for how long the process could take and the discomfort level. Can anyone offer some insight into how it may be to comfort/inform my journey as it begins?

Hi, I need help finding a water based lubricant that I can potentially use with my intimate rose dilators.

So far only silicone based lubricant has worked for me but I can’t use that with these silicone based dilator sets.

I have used two water based lubricants and it burns 🥵

1. Lube life
2. Good clean love bio nude

I really need help finding something that is truly hypoallergenic.

I've never posted here before, so I'm not exactly sure if this is the best sub to post this on. Here's context:

I'm nonbinary 24, born female, and I have a very masculine sense of self. I once identified as trans male in high school, but realized later on that it didn't really fit my idea of myself. As someone who is neurodivergent, it's more convenient to label myself in order to provide a loose explanation of my gender identity to those that ask/care. I know I don't OWE anyone an explanation, but I have hopes that offering insight will help others understand me.

I don't have dysphoria in my breasts, I am always subconsciously aware of them, but that's normal considering society's stance on the whole 'girls have to wear shirts in public and keep their breasts hidden thing.

Down to the bottom. I can touch my external anatomy just fine. I try not to really feel that I'm touching a vagina with my hand, and just focus on the sensation of pleasure.

But whenever I have attempted to feel pleasure from penetration (fingers, toys do not fit no matter what I do), even when its wet enough to do so, and when I've tried water-based lubricant, I don't.

I'm not very good at describing sensation so bear wirh me: worst case scenario: it just hurts or I can't get it in at all. Happens when I try to use tampons too. This happens sometimes even when it's wet.

Best case scenario: I'm able to slip a finger in, but usually only my pinkie or my index finger. I've never been able to insert anything larger, and it still feels like I'm going to tear something. Even when wiggling into the vaginal walls or trying to find that g-spot to see how the heck other FaB's find pleasure from this, it still makes me feel sick? You know the feeling of a weak stomach when you're ill and have been throwing up or shitting your brains out? It's like that, but instead of in your stomach, it's inside your genitalia. Same feeling with tampons (plastic tip) after I use a bit of water on the plastic to help slip it in. And when I pull it out later, I feel excruciating pain and fear that the string will rip off the pad part and it'll be stuck in there.

I usually prefer anal stimulation, even if it doesn't provide as much pleasure as clit rubbing.

I've never had a pap smear because I'm a virgin in every sense of the word, and frankly I'm terrified of having to get one to check for cancer due to the problems mentioned above and fears that the doctor will think I'm being dramatic about the pain.

So what do you think, ladies? I'm too scared to talk to my doctor, because I don't want her to just say it's vaginismus because she 'doesn't believe in gender dysphoria' mindset. I also believe my hymen isn't there still, considering I've been able to use tampons before.

And if there's any other place you think I should crosspost this to instead, please let me know.

i’m feeling so sad.

i’ve been making so much progress with dilating and got to dilator 6! then i started accutane (isotretinoin) last month.

it has completely dried me out (vulva & vagina), and i’m on the lowest dose.

i’ve been using menopausal products now like intimate oils/gels/lubes. i’m only in my mid twenties.

i also started online physiotherapy last week, bc i really want to get to PIV. she said since im on dilator 6, i should start to get my partner involved with dilating sessions now, so i can make the PIV transition easier.

today, i just finished my period. i tried to use the small side of my new vibrating pelvic wand, after 3 weeks of not dilating.

no lube is enough. it’s just so dry. number 3 & up wont even go in. i feel like i’ve lost all my progress.

i feel like giving up on this whole thing. i’m at my wits end.

Hi! How did you get a PFT appointment with NHS? I’ve been waiting on a referral for months and not sure what to do.

Let me just start off and say penetration itself doesn't hurt. I can easily slip a finger inside with no pain whatsoever. Can feel weird, but no pain. However, when there is even the slightest stretch in the opening of my vagina it hurts like hell. Its a stinging sensation, and one that i can't ignore. Now, I'm not sexually active (nor have I been and dont have any plans any time soon) but I dipped my toes in self exploration- or I at least tried to. Everyone keeps telling me that lots of lube and foreplay is needed but what foreplay on my own? I dont respond to my own touch. And lube is not enough but even in a state with no arousal, the stretch should not be this painful. And it's literally just there... right where that flesh ring is in the opening. I have genuine fear for when the time for me to get a pap smear comes- you aren't borny then thats for sure. And I even asked my gyno about it and as nice as she was all she said was "foreplay and lube" is this typical vaginismus? What can I do? Dilators? Do I ask my doctor to see if I have a tight pelvic floor? Its annoying that this even has to be done. I will say i have successfully gotten two fingers in, still stingy uncomfortable but not terribly painful. But a 4.5 inch long 1 inch diameter toy to start out? Unbearable sting. I want it to be comfortable for me whether im by myself or with a potential partner... and i do know this is completely optional if my vagina is being used at a minimum but what about when I do get down? Or maybe i just want to put something in there i dont know. Any advice would be nice. Also it makes my anus area feel weird and sorta hurt too- not sure if that's related.

Hello,

This has been beyond a long and difficult road.

I somehow have been offered Botox on the NHS
( I was also just as shocked) for a condition which has such a profound effect on someone’s life you’d think it would be offered far sooner but anyways

I am due to go for a cancellation on Thursday and I’m honestly scared shitless. I’ve wanted it for so long but I’m also terrified and I’m not sure why. I guess it is scary in a sense being put under sedation. Maybe I’m worried it won’t work? Or something might go wrong? Or maybe I’m feeling a bit exposed as I’ll have multiple medical staff seeing me in that area.

Can anyone who has been through it tell me about the recovery time- how long did it take? Were you able to go back to work soon after? And also how sore was it? And if you got sedation what were you like after that?

My work is crazy on Friday and I know this sounds mad but I might have to go in for it- although if I’m really bad I will go home

Hi! I’m 24 and I have literally zero sexual experience. Like truly zero. I’ve never had sex, never made out with anyone, never really done anything sexual with another person.

When I was younger, that was mostly because I was really uncomfortable with intimacy and avoided it because I was continuously touched by a trusted male adult… But now I actually want to date, have sexual experiences, lose my virginity, etc., and I feel like I’ve gotten myself into a
catch-22 where the longer I go without experience, the more embarrassed and insecure I am about having no experience, which makes me avoid getting any experience 💀

I’m trying to use Hinge and I’ll talk to guys, but as soon as it gets to the point where they ask me out, I get terrified and usually end up ghosting. It’s not really an appearance/confidence thing, I don’t think I’m ugly and I know men can be interested in me. I’m just SO scared of actually going on the date and eventually having to navigate anything physical.

There’s a guy I’m talking to right now, who I would love to go out with, he is like my perfect type to a T on paper, but I’m already feeling like it’s pointless. I don’t think he’s on Hinge looking for the love of his life, which is completely fine with me. I’m not opposed to something casual and part of me really wants to do those things in a casual way. But then I think what guy looking for something fun/casual wants to deal with a 24-year-old who has absolutely no idea what she’s doing AND has vaginismus? 😭

I’m in pelvic floor physio and working on it, but progress is slow. Penetration is still extremely difficult for me. I also know that even if/when I can have penetrative sex, I’ll probably need someone to be rllyyy patient, go slowly, spend a lot of time on foreplay, stop if something hurts, etc. I get so insecure imagining a guy finding that annoying or thinking I’m way too much work.

The other problem is that I don’t think I could comfortably start doing sexual things with someone without telling them beforehand that I’m completely inexperienced. I know technically I don’t “owe” someone my sexual history, but I would need them to know because otherwise I’d be panicking thinking I was doing things wrong and pretending I knew what I was doing and I’d be uncomfortable the whole time. But the thought of actually looking at a guy I like and saying that is so deeply terrifying to me for some reason.

I think I’m especially scared that someone will be initially interested, and then once they realize sex with me might require patience and communication and might not even include penetration, they’ll decide I’m not worth the trouble. I’ve had one (ex) boyfriend when I was 20, and he cheated on me a bunch because I wasn’t ready to go further, despite having been very up front about my issues. So I guess I feel a bit hurt about that still.

For anyone who started dating/being sexually active later and had vaginismus: how did you actually get over this? When did you tell someone? How much did you tell them? Did people actually care about your lack of experience as much as you thought they would?

And especially if you dated casually/had hookups while dealing with vaginismus, is that even realistic? How did you navigate telling someone what you could/couldn’t do without making the whole interaction feel like a whole trauma dump thing.

I really want to stop letting this control my dating life. I just have no idea how to get from wanting to do it to actually feeling brave enough to act on it.

Hey!

Wanted to come here to get some encouragement or advice. I'm 24, been sexually active but with women since I was around 18.

Never had a gyno exam, never had a pap smear, nothing. Gender dysphoria makes it impossible to even think about it, and vaginismus on top of it makes it even scarier and more humiliating in a way. Any medical procedure related to my genitals makes me feel so dysphoric and as if I would be abused sexually.

I know with vaginismus one way to treat it is dilators, but that seems too violating too - as if I was training myself to be a "proper woman" who can have piv sex, when I really don't even care for it that much. If I'm aroused enough my partner can get a finger in me without much pain, but I can't by myself (don't wanna touch myself, it feels scary tbh, much better when my partner does it). It just makes me feel like I'm an object that isn't fulfilling its purpose (piv sex), and I never even wanted these body parts to begin with!

I have no clue where to even start because I know I should go and at least get a gyno exam/pap smear, but I can't even bring myself to properly think about it because I get filled with rage and sadness that I even have to put myself in such a humiliating position mentally and physically.

Hi everyone I 25F have been dealing with vaginismus since losing my virginity at 17. After lots of time and practice, I can now insert tampons and my own fingers (up to 3) with little to no pain and can go in and out. I also have plus one dialators and finished the biggest size. Depending on the guy, I can also be fingered. The only thing that doesn’t work is PIV. I did try it today with a guy and first we tried missionary which didn’t work then we tried riding. While it was initially in, it did hurt and I started feeling lightheaded after a little and it kept falling out. He is so nice about it and said he still liked me and everything but we didn’t have time to try again. I feel like I let him down and I’m so so so frustrated I just want to have normal sex.

Guys I have a transvaginal ultrasound tomorrow 😭😫 please tell me what I can do to make it less painful

ive been with my partner for 3 years now and weve never been able to have piv sex due to my gorilla grip pussy.

ive been to therapy, i dont have anymore physiotherapy visits left on my medicare plan (i have a really bad back i needed to take care of) and i can barely put dilators up there.

i am feeling so defeated. my partner has been so understanding and patient but i still feel SOO bad about it all. i wish i was normal. im so jealous of everyone out there that can have piv sex with out a second thought.

sorry for the vent. just feeling very hopeless

I’m a 22F and I think I have vaginismus. My issue with penetration and my failures attempting penetration began with me wanting to explore tampons and menstrual cups. However, when I did try, I was met with this excruciating pain and my body would freeze up. I’ve tried mostly everything from trying to inset a tampon sitting down or standing up, no success. I’ve tried lubricants, stretches meant to relax the pelvis, and dialators, nothing has helped even a little bit. That was when I searched my symptoms up and found out about vaginismus. However, I didn’t want to self diagnose without definitive proof so I decided to go to a Gynecologist just to a professional medical opinion.

I had my appointment a few days ago and after I opened up about my experiences with unsuccessful insertion and my painful attempts , my gyno told me that the only way she would be able to diagnose me was to do an internal exam under anesthesia. If I was successful with insertion under anasthesia, then it would rule out that I have vaginismus.

Now I’m not a doctor nor do I claim to be above one, I’m just unsure on how insertion under anesthesia is going to prove that I do/don’t have it. My main issue is the pain and the reaction my body has when I’m conscious. I want to know/figure out why I can’t fit anything near my vaginal opening. What if they succeed penetration when I’m unconscious under anesthesia and they’re like “well, successfully penetrated, definitely not vaginismus!”. Penetration unconscious doesn’t mean I’ll have a comfortable insertion while conscious. I asked about any alternatives and even if she could do an external exam just in case it was a hymen or other deformity of my bum a abd I was told the only solution was an internal pelvis exam under anesthesia. I think the part that hurt me the most was when I told her I can’t even achieve penetration with a q-tip, and she said “if you can’t even put a q-tip in, how do you even expect me to help you?” and that if penetration is so impossible for me, there’s nothing she could do for me.

I just left feeling a little broken and confused? I feel like this is an issue I can’t fix, even with medical help. I think I’ll reschedule another one after I succeed with a q-tip, so maybe then, an external exam while conscious won’t be painful. I have seen some redditors on this sub say that they have had success with an exam under anesthesia so idk if I should just suck it up and go through with it. At least I’ll get an answer.

I think I just hoped to gain some clarification, but I’m just more confused. If anyone has any advice on what I should do, I would love to hear it

I went on a date last night and I was able to have PIV and I still can't believe it.

I've been struggling with vaginismus for years to the point where I stopped even trying. Never been able to put in a tampon or get a pap smear. Then last year I bought the intimate rose dilator kit and started dilating and made it up to Size 5. I was able to get to Size 6 but it felt a little uncomfortable.

I also realized that I hold a lot of tension in my pelvic floor, so I was also doing yoga and stretching regularly and was just trying to relax as much as possible while dilating.

I went on a first date yesterday and really vibed with the person I was seeing. I told him about the condition and he was really understanding and said we could just take it slow and see what would happen. We took it very slow and used lots of lube. It didn't work the first time and was a little painful so we stopped. Then a while later we tried again and it worked!

It didn't feel amazing honestly it felt kind of weird, but it didn't hurt at all and it was fun. More than anything I'm just really glad I was able to have a breakthrough like this after literally almost a decade of feeling hopeless.