u/TurnipClassic-5801

Diagnosed with vaginismus. I'm crying from frustration. FML. it took me so long to finally get the courage to go and my fears came true. It was hellishly painful like I was being actively skewered and torn in half. And even when I told them to keep going despite the pain it was mechanically impossible. Unsuccessful and now referred to pelvic floor pt.

I'm just so furious and frustrated with my body. I really wanted to start pursuing options to have a child via ART one day and now everything is on hold because I can't do a friggin pap smear or any gyno exam. I did the deep breathing Ive been to therapy I'm just like WTF is wrong with my body why is it like this. This is gonna make everything harder.

Angry and furious and frustrated. I'll go to pt but right now I just want to smash something. You had one job, vagina. Why tf are you like this. I hate everything.

Total: 269 mg/dL, HDL 79 mg/dL, LDL 174 mg/dL, triglycerides 84 mg/dL.

Last year: total 226, HDL 67, LDL 144, triglycerides 84.

33F, 5'2" 110 lbs, no other issues (good bp, good sugars, etc). Family history of high cholesterol, and I personally have always had high cholesterol since childhood.

I eat the exact same diet as last year (no red meat, lots of beans, dairy intolerant so no cheese etc, mainly vegetarian but occasional chicken, occasional baked goods but like a few times a month).

I'm not super active but I do a lot of walking. From last year to this year I've lost ~5 lbs unintentionally but not rapidly and not due to any major life changes. I just don't eat much fat since I can't have dairy and hate most dairy alternate options.

The ONLY major difference I can think of from last year to this year is last year I was super intentional about cramming fiber into everything. This year I did not really monitor fiber or try especially hard. I still eat a good amount of fiber and my main protein staple is beans.

I'm just frustrated at my own body and blood. My numbers look like I'm enjoying butter and eggs every day and living my best culinary life but I'm here eating rice and beans and being sad about not having baked goods.

I know it's almost definitely familial/genetic (Father has high cholesterol, family history on both sides of heart disease ... ). I literally cannot eat leaner proteins. I know the doctor is probably going to recommend statins esp since my numbers did jump from last year.

But here's the issue. I am planning on TTC in the next year (depending on clinic availability, testing, etc since I will have to need ART). I've read it's not recommended to be on statins during that process and to go off them several months before ttc or as soon as you find out you are pregnant.

Is it unreasonable to ask to put off statins and just go REALLY hard on fiber? I've never tried psyllium and am thinking of trying that to supplement.

Would appreciate thoughts. Just frustrated with how my numbers never seem to reflect my effort ...

EDIT: I will be talking to my doctor just want to hear people's thoughts before that

I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for how much time it might take to get to the actual IUI procedure. I am only at the very very beginning of this journey. What medical tests did you get done before your first IUI, how much time was it in between your initial consult and first IUI, anything you wish you had known or prepared for?

For context I am considering the SMBC path using donor sperm from a bank.

My parents are immigrants. There is no other family and I'm the only single child (and daughter ofc). For cultural, financial, practical, and emotional reasons I will be the caretaker of my parents as they age. I'm ok with that part. The part I am dreading is moving back to where they live.

It's a highly sanitized, Stepford esque suburb with a racial and social monoculture I have never and will never fit into. It's a bubble that feels like an alternate reality of a very boring yet ominous hell. Every house is identical (cannot paint outside the 4 approved beiges!!!). You must have a lawn, visible gardens look too poor (there's no water but to hell with the climate, we must maintain our facade).

It is totally unwalkable, cars are a life necessity if you ever want to leave your little maze of identical streets and visit a soul sucking strip mall that is more parking lot than Target. Every single thing you may want to do or go to is 20 mins away from every other thing. No one walks (just hilly enough to make it miserable), no one hangs out outside, people just peer at you suspiciously from their blinds as you pass if they don't know you. There is no public transit, no gathering place outside church (we're not religious), no .... life. I guess it is safe. But it's safe like being on house arrest.

The minute I could I moved across the country to the densest city I could manage to rent in. I have no car and haven't driven in years. I walk everywhere, I see people of all backgrounds, I take the subway and the bus and I love every second of it. I feel alive in a way I never did growing up.

There's no real point to this. I'm just in dread that now my parents are older, I see the future coming for me. They will be old, stubborn, and their whole support system is in that town. My city is expensive, and it just will make sense when the time comes that they need more support, that I give up what I have here to go back. Back to the boring hell I escaped from.

Being the perpetual outsider in a monolith suburb really sucks.

I recently learned about the single mother by choice route to parenthood and it's turning all my assumptions about life paths on their head. I always assumed that since I was a hard HARD no on romantic partners and sex that no partner/no sex -> obviously no children except by adoption. It is extremely hard for existing couples and families to adopt and a single woman basically impossible I understand. So to my mind, having children was simply not in the cards.

But now I'm actually rethinking on that door I thought was closed. Nowadays you can buy sperm from a donor bank, you can do IUI IVF you can freeze eggs and make embryos all without the presence of a romantic partner. You don't even have to have sex (though there are still invasive medical procedures, but to me that's infinitely more palatable).

I'm feeling turned upside down. I never, literally never, even considered the possibility of having children outside adoption and once I learned how difficult it is that door seemed closed too. I can't say that I always wanted children, I like children and always have, but in the same way I could want to walk on the moon it was always a clearly hypothetical not real scenario. I guess I'm saying I just never even considered it a possibility.

I had a lot of internal deconstruction to do to get to this point. My parents are immigrants and while they're not super traditional, the nuclear family was the only family structure that existed to them. The idea of being an unmarried woman was anathema, and while they support me in a bemused kind of way it's still a hugely radical lifestyle for them. I've been ambitious my entire life and have been career focused possibly to an extreme to prove that I can exist without a husband. It's always felt like a threat at the back of my mind-fail and you'll have to get married. That is such a NOPE to me that I got the first PhD in my family. I'm the first woman in my entire line that is free of the obligations of marriage and being subservient to a husband.

I genuinely love my work and am career focused but I wonder if now, in this modern world, we are finally at a point where maybe you don't have to choose between work and family?

But I have so much fear. I am a person who has never had a romantic relationship (because I never wanted one, ever). I've not had crushes. I've NEVER had any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone. I can see no future path where I look for a partner. Is it fair to then take on raising what might end up a very allo child? Will my blindspots make them extra vulnerable, will I not be able to properly parent a teen, will they resent me for a lack of nuclear family?

There are so many non traditional families out there which were/are unimaginable options to my parents. So weirdly, I'm not scared at all of choosing a path and what their opinion might be. But my thoughts above remain. I'm not even sure if I actually for real want a child and all the challenges that can bring financially, etc.

Thoughts? I'll take any from any perspective. Please be candid.

I recently learned about the single mother by choice route to parenthood and it's turning all my assumptions about life paths on their head. I always assumed that since I was a hard HARD no on romantic partners and sex that no partner/no sex -> obviously no children except by adoption. It is extremely hard for existing couples and families to adopt and a single woman basically impossible I understand. So to my mind, having children was simply not in the cards.

But now I'm actually rethinking on that door I thought was closed. Nowadays you can buy sperm from a donor bank, you can do IUI IVF you can freeze eggs and make embryos all without the presence of a romantic partner. You don't even have to have sex (though there are still invasive medical procedures, but to me that's infinitely more palatable).

I'm feeling turned upside down. I never, literally never, even considered the possibility of having children outside adoption and once I learned how difficult it is that door seemed closed too. I can't say that I always wanted children, I like children and always have, but in the same way I could want to walk on the moon it was always a clearly hypothetical not real scenario. I guess I'm saying I just never even considered it a possibility.

I had a lot of internal deconstruction to do to get to this point. My parents are immigrants and while they're not super traditional, the nuclear family was the only family structure that existed to them. The idea of being an unmarried woman was anathema, and while they support me in a bemused kind of way it's still a hugely radical lifestyle for them. I've been ambitious my entire life and have been career focused possibly to an extreme to prove that I can exist without a husband. It's always felt like a threat at the back of my mind-fail and you'll have to get married. That is such a NOPE to me that I got the first PhD in my family. I'm the first woman in my entire line that is free of the obligations of marriage and being subservient to a husband.

I genuinely love my work and am career focused but I wonder if now, in this modern world, we are finally at a point where maybe you don't have to choose between work and family?

But I have so much fear. I am a person who has never had a romantic relationship (because I never wanted one, ever). I've not had crushes. I've NEVER had any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone. I can see no future path where I look for a partner. Is it fair to then take on raising what might end up a very allo child? Will my blindspots make them extra vulnerable, will I not be able to properly parent a teen, will they resent me for a lack of nuclear family?

There are so many non traditional families out there which were/are unimaginable options to my parents. So weirdly, I'm not scared at all of choosing a path and what their opinion might be. But my thoughts above remain. I'm not even sure if I actually for real want a child and all the challenges that can bring financially, etc.

Thoughts? I'll take any from any perspective. Please be candid.

I recently learned about the single mother by choice route to parenthood and it's turning all my assumptions about life paths on their head. I always assumed that since I was a hard HARD no on romantic partners and sex that no partner/no sex -> obviously no children except by adoption. It is extremely hard for existing couples and families to adopt and a single woman basically impossible I understand. So to my mind, having children was simply not in the cards.

But now I'm actually rethinking on that door I thought was closed. Nowadays you can buy sperm from a donor bank, you can do IUI IVF you can freeze eggs and make embryos all without the presence of a romantic partner. You don't even have to have sex (though there are still invasive medical procedures, but to me that's infinitely more palatable).

I'm feeling turned upside down. I never, literally never, even considered the possibility of having children outside adoption and once I learned how difficult it is that door seemed closed too. I can't say that I always wanted children, I like children and always have, but in the same way I could want to walk on the moon it was always a clearly hypothetical not real scenario. I guess I'm saying I just never even considered it a possibility.

I had a lot of internal deconstruction to do to get to this point. My parents are immigrants and while they're not super traditional, the nuclear family was the only family structure that existed to them. The idea of being an unmarried woman was anathema, and while they support me in a bemused kind of way it's still a hugely radical lifestyle for them. I've been ambitious my entire life and have been career focused possibly to an extreme to prove that I can exist without a husband. It's always felt like a threat at the back of my mind-fail and you'll have to get married. That is such a NOPE to me that I got the first PhD in my family. I'm the first woman in my entire line that is free of the obligations of marriage and being subservient to a husband.

I genuinely love my work and am career focused but I wonder if now, in this modern world, we are finally at a point where maybe you don't have to choose between work and family?

But I have so much fear. I am a person who has never had a romantic relationship (because I never wanted one, ever). I've not had crushes. I've NEVER had any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone. I can see no future path where I look for a partner. Is it fair to then take on raising what might end up a very allo child? Will my blindspots make them extra vulnerable, will I not be able to properly parent a teen, will they resent me for a lack of nuclear family?

There are so many non traditional families out there which were/are unimaginable options to my parents. So weirdly, I'm not scared at all of choosing a path and what their opinion might be. But my thoughts above remain. I'm not even sure if I actually for real want a child and all the challenges that can bring financially, etc.

Thoughts? I'll take any from any perspective. Please be candid.

I recently learned about the single mother by choice route to parenthood and it's turning all my assumptions about life paths on their head. I always assumed that since I was a hard HARD no on romantic partners and sex that no partner/no sex -> obviously no children except by adoption. It is extremely hard for existing couples and families to adopt and a single woman basically impossible I understand. So to my mind, having children was simply not in the cards.

But now I'm actually rethinking on that door I thought was closed. Nowadays you can buy sperm from a donor bank, you can do IUI IVF you can freeze eggs and make embryos all without the presence of a romantic partner. You don't even have to have sex (though there are still invasive medical procedures, but to me that's infinitely more palatable).

I'm feeling turned upside down. I never, literally never, even considered the possibility of having children outside adoption and once I learned how difficult it is that door seemed closed too. I can't say that I always wanted children, I like children and always have, but in the same way I could want to walk on the moon it was always a clearly hypothetical not real scenario. I guess I'm saying I just never even considered it a possibility.

I had a lot of internal deconstruction to do to get to this point. My parents are immigrants and while they're not super traditional, the nuclear family was the only family structure that existed to them. The idea of being an unmarried woman was anathema, and while they support me in a bemused kind of way it's still a hugely radical lifestyle for them. I've been ambitious my entire life and have been career focused possibly to an extreme to prove that I can exist without a husband. It's always felt like a threat at the back of my mind-fail and you'll have to get married. That is such a NOPE to me that I got the first PhD in my family. I'm the first woman in my entire line that is free of the obligations of marriage and being subservient to a husband.

I genuinely love my work and am career focused but I wonder if now, in this modern world, we are finally at a point where maybe you don't have to choose between work and family?

But I have so much fear. I am a person who has never had a romantic relationship (because I never wanted one, ever). I've not had crushes. I've NEVER had any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone. I can see no future path where I look for a partner. Is it fair to then take on raising what might end up a very allo child? Will my blindspots make them extra vulnerable, will I not be able to properly parent a teen, will they resent me for a lack of nuclear family?

There are so many non traditional families out there which were/are unimaginable options to my parents. So weirdly, I'm not scared at all of choosing a path and what their opinion might be. But my thoughts above remain. I'm not even sure if I actually for real want a child and all the challenges that can bring financially, etc.

Thoughts? I'll take any from any perspective. Please be candid.

I'm trying to discern what path forward I want for myself but the thing I know for certain is that it does not involve a romantic partner. A lot of regret from parents seems to be very tied to who they procreated with, based on reading the regretfulparent sub, and I very much want to understand the concerns/challenges/potential regrets of women who choose to go the single mother by choice route. I'm afraid that because people tend to be extremely positive about their children and their love for them (understandable!) that my understanding of parenthood may be skewed. I would greatly appreciate any thoughts, experiences, discussion.

EDIT: I've made a more extensive post here with context and my situation: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/s/jSKLHBcmfJ

I know recirculating ductless range hoods suck. Unfortunately that's my only option.

Galley kitchen in a 1960s high rise. Currently have a GE microwave/recirculating hood combo which has blown it's fuse enough times that I'm getting rid of it. I hate the over the stove microwave (hard to access) and want to simplify with just a hood and a cheap countertop microwave.

Everywhere I search it seems everyone says to only buy a hood that vents outside (impossible for me) or open a window (galley kitchen small apartment no window in kitchen). Otherwise I know people say these recirculating hoods are barely better than nothing but given that I don't really have a choice, which one should I get ? Under $500 would prefer under $300.

Finally a day off from work, MBTA commuter rail free Fridays in effect ... But it's gonna be 100+. What are you doing tomorrow if you have off, any ideas for taking advantage of the free Fridays but not dying of heat stroke. No car, no long walks, no bike pls.

Was gonna go to singing beach but maybe not with this forecast.

Ideas? Or commiserate with my very minor disappointment.

Sanity check me: attaching closet organization rail to plaster and metal mesh closet wall (no studs at all) with vertical wood backing /furring support

​

I am going nuts so if this is a bad idea please let me know.

​

Situation: I want to add ClosetMaid rail closet organization to my closet. Problem: my closet walls are basically chicken wire screens masquerading as walls.

​

Investigation via pilot holes revealed that my closet walls are 0.5 inch plaster on diagonal metal mesh with nothing behind (hollow wall). There are no studs. Apparently this is an "interior partition wall" where the mesh is attached to the ceiling and floor, and at right angles to the other walls with a narrow corner sheet of metal but is otherwise without additional support. Seems insane to me but apparently they did this in the 60s-70s for apartment building inner walls. By some magic, there is an original shelf mounted on the two side walls which spans the small closet on what looks like wooden cleats. There are no studs above and below those mount points so I'm now quite baffled how it's staying up at all.

​

I do not want to remove this magic shelf so after too many hours here is my plan:

​

I could use toggle bolts to attach the rails to the plaster and mesh hollow wall, but since it's only 1/2 inch of plaster it seems like a bad idea to concentrate all the weight like that. The system has an upper horizontal rail that takes the weight with vertical support rails for shelf attachment.

​

What if I instead use snap toggle bolts to attach vertical backing boards (4" wide, long enough to reach from above the existing shelf to the ceiling NOT resting on the shelf) to the wall spaced at intervals, then screw the rail onto these with wood screws. Thought would be that instead of all that downward pressure from the horizontal rail applying to the mesh and plaster along one line, the vertical boards would distribute the weight and make it less likely that the plaster would crumble: like "floating" studs above this existing shelf.

​

Thoughts? I'm going mad. I just wanted shelving high up in my small closet to fully use the small space for storage.

I am going nuts so if this is a bad idea please let me know.

​

Situation: I want to add ClosetMaid rail closet organization to my closet. Problem: my closet walls are basically chicken wire screens masquerading as walls.

​

Investigation via pilot holes revealed that my closet walls are 0.5 inch plaster on diagonal metal mesh with nothing behind (hollow wall). There are no studs. Apparently this is an "interior partition wall" where the mesh is attached to the ceiling and floor, and at right angles to the other walls with a narrow corner sheet of metal but is otherwise without additional support. Seems insane to me but apparently they did this in the 60s-70s for apartment building inner walls. By some magic, there is an original shelf mounted on the two side walls which spans the small closet on what looks like wooden cleats. There are no studs above and below those mount points so I'm now quite baffled how it's staying up at all.

​

I do not want to remove this magic shelf so after too many hours here is my plan:

​

I could use toggle bolts to attach the rails to the plaster and mesh hollow wall, but since it's only 1/2 inch of plaster it seems like a bad idea to concentrate all the weight like that. The system has an upper horizontal rail that takes the weight with vertical support rails for shelf attachment.

​

What if I instead use snap toggle bolts to attach vertical backing boards (4" wide, long enough to reach from above the existing shelf to the ceiling NOT resting on the shelf) to the wall spaced at intervals, then screw the rail onto these with wood screws. Thought would be that instead of all that downward pressure from the horizontal rail applying to the mesh and plaster along one line, the vertical boards would distribute the weight and make it less likely that the plaster would crumble: like "floating" studs above this existing shelf.

​

Thoughts? I'm going mad. I just wanted shelving high up in my small closet to fully use the small space for storage.

1960s-1970s condo in apartment building, New England. I want to add closet maid style organization and shelving to my closet, and some heavy duty shelves high up in the closet (trying to maximize storage space in a small apartment). I am baffled by my walls.

Here are my clues:

1. Nails only go in about 1/4-1/2 inch before bending

2. Drilling with a normal bit is hard to do and results in crumbly larger than intended holes

3. Cheap self drilling screw basically just gave up and resulted in a crumbly larger hole

4. Once drilled a small pilot hole and saw metal shavings on the bit. Freaked out and called someone, who confirmed I did not hit anything important and that my walls were "probably chicken wire with concrete in the middle" and I had hit the "chicken wire"

5. Different walls seem to be made of different compositions of materials, some I can use picture nails others I can't

6. Removing an outlet plate shows a very rough looking, crumbly, vaguely rectangular hole that to my inexperienced eye looks like concrete, so it's probably plaster

7. Stud finder seems to think my wall is either all stud, or no stud.

8. Great noise insulation between units which makes me think the concrete chicken wire sandwich might be accurate and maybe I don't have any space for a toggle bolt?

Clearly it is possible to mount heavy stuff on these walls, I have a shelf in my closet that is clearly very old, and very sturdy. But I cannot figure out how tf it was done.

And how do I figure out where the electrical wires, plumbing, other important things are in the walls if there's metal mesh everywhere? I can guess based on outlet placements, but the closet backs to the kitchen and I don't want to somehow mess that up. No idea how thick walls would be or if that is even possible.

Any suggestions? Help!

1960s-1970s condo in apartment building, New England. I want to add closet maid style organization and shelving to my closet, and some heavy duty shelves high up in the closet (trying to maximize storage space in a small apartment). I am baffled by my walls.

​

Here are my clues:

1. Nails only go in about 1/4-1/2 inch before bending

2. Drilling with a normal bit is hard to do and results in crumbly larger than intended holes

3. Cheap self drilling screw basically just gave up and resulted in a crumbly larger hole

4. Once drilled a small pilot hole and saw metal shavings on the bit. Freaked out and called someone, who confirmed I did not hit anything important and that my walls were "probably chicken wire with concrete in the middle" and I had hit the "chicken wire"

5. Different walls seem to be made of different compositions of materials, some I can use picture nails others I can't

6. Removing an outlet plate shows a very rough looking, crumbly, vaguely rectangular hole that to my inexperienced eye looks like concrete, so it's probably plaster

7. Stud finder seems to think my wall is either all stud, or no stud.

8. Great noise insulation between units which makes me think the concrete chicken wire sandwich might be accurate and maybe I don't have any space for a toggle bolt?

​

​

Clearly it is possible to mount heavy stuff on these walls, I have a shelf in my closet that is clearly very old, and very sturdy. But I cannot figure out how tf it was done.

​

And how do I figure out where the electrical wires, plumbing, other important things are in the walls if there's metal mesh everywhere? I can guess based on outlet placements, but the closet backs to the kitchen and I don't want to somehow mess that up. No idea how thick walls would be or if that is even possible.

​

Any suggestions? Help!

Has anyone got a recommendation for a woman handyperson in Boston, looking for someone dependable who can help with various misc tasks (hanging things on walls that are plaster or concrete, repairs, older building quirks, etc). I am a woman and would prefer to support a woman handyperson and also would feel more comfortable. Would really appreciate any recommendations!

I spent two weeks pattern making, cutting, sewing a dress that I planned to wear to a nice event. It was going to be my first real fancy wearable and I was so excited. I worked so hard on it, didn't cut corners but .... It turned out terrible. The style is all wrong for my body, the material I choose didn't behave like I thought it would, the lining was too thick. The sewing is technically fine but the end product is just a frumpy, weirdly stiff, unflattering result. Turns out fashion and design is not a skill of mine ...

I'm going to have to buy a last minute dress and I'm so disappointed and mad I kind of want to torch this project. I spent multiple nights up till midnight doing my best and lost the forest for the trees.

How do you deal with a total fail project? And what do I do with this technically fine but utterly unwearable thing I have created? I don't even want to look at it. Ugh.