Hey all,

After experiencing so many of my own struggles I figured it was time to create a community for all my queer non gestational parents to come together and support one another through the unique challenges that come with this role. Please join us!

https://www.reddit.com/r/nongestationalqueers/s/kdrlijrLk6

There is so much nuance and back story to this situation that I would be here all day typing it all out so I am just going to cut to the chase— and even that is probably going to be long.

I am female in a relationship for 1 year with another woman who has a 7 year old daughter from a prior marriage to a man. We are planning to get married next year. I adore both of them and her 7 year old daughter is the light of my life and I cannot wait to be her step momma. I have a great relationship with her.

But— the ex husband is a complete dick (long history of psychological abuse and gaslighting during my partner’s contentious divorce) and the idea of having to share our girl with him for the next 11 years is causing me so much anxiety.

Particularly this last week partner received an email from him about how he was angry that we took a 7 year old to a local pride event and didn’t think that it was age appropriate to take her to events promoting “sexuality.” The event we took her to was a family friendly event. My partner responded very clearly, calmly and succinctly that as her mother (who also has a masters degree in early childhood education she always considers the age appropriateness of the things we take her to but was not going to exclude her from events that teach her kindness and inclusion. We ended up taking her to another pride event this weekend (also family friendly) and answered all her questions in an age appropriate manner.

He ended up responding with “it is difficult for me to see her placed in environments that celebrate things I do not agree she should be exposed to” and “will continue to teach her my values in my home in an age-appropriate way. I hope moving forward we can both be mindful of how these contrasting environments affect her, and work to keep her out of the middle of our differing worldviews. I in no means mean this in any hateful way, and I hope you can understand my reservations and viewpoints.”

Which yeah, in email form doesn’t seem that bad but I know this man and the psychological damage he inflicted on my partner.. so I really view this as politely masked homophobia.

We had a chat with our 7 year old before going to pride this weekend about why pride was important and that there were people out there that still don’t accept our relationship or relationships that look different and that sometimes those people might be someone in your family or someone you view as a friend and that she does not have to defend us to anyone.

I worry so much about what she is being told at his house not only about lgbtq people.

Anyone else have any experience in this situation? I cannot control what goes on with her Dad, but how do you deconstruct any negative ideas that might be being talked about over there?

Hi everyone, my 3-year-old daughter will be starting preschool at a public school soon, and as excited as I am for her, I’m also feeling a little nervous. She has two moms, and I worry that she may be treated differently by other children, parents, or even staff because our family looks different from some others.

I would love to hear from other LGBTQ+ parents or families who have gone through this. How did you prepare your child, communicate with the school, and make sure your family felt respected and included? Any advice or positive experiences would really help ease my mind.

Hi, I am in a same-sex (woman) relationship, and my partner and I are interested in having a few kids (but starting the journey in a few years). I am just an longterm thinker and a capricorn -- however, I feel like its never too early to know your options.

We are both residing in the US, and are of Indian (asian) background.

I was browsing through some Sperm Banks, and found it quite hard to find sperm donors that are of Indian Background -- there seems to be a limited selection of donors with an Indian background who share physical similarities or personality qualities with my partner and me. Appearance isn't a dealbreaker for us — we'll love our children unconditionally regardless of how they look — but I had a few questions about the process.

1. What was the process like to find a sperm donor for others in a similar situation.

2. How much does getting a sperm donor cost (is this covered by insurance, or mostly out of pocket)?

3. Is it easier to just ask a friend and skip the whole sperm bank process?

4. What should we look for when choosing a sperm bank — are some more reputable than others?

5. What's the success rate like, and how many tries did it take for most people?

6. Did you go through IUI or IVF, and how did you decide which route to take?

7. What's one thing you wish you knew before starting the process?

AHH I KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS. Feel free to answer as few or as many questions as you'd like!! Thank you so much!!!!!!

The mothers of the mommune aren’t SMBC or identified as LBGTQ.

But due to the alternative family structure: intentionality in decentering patriarchy, deep love and regard of chosen family, etc.

I thought it might resonate with some.

I am a lesbian and my long-term (6 years together) girlfriend (bisexual), are at the stage of thinking of engagement, marriage, and having children. We have always wanted kids (honestly, looking to have 3-4 kids), however, I am an over-thinker and long-term planner (yes - I am a Capricorn).

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS (really interested in hearing perspectives from everyone - but also from moms in same-sex relationships who have kids, and have noticed some things) -- What are some effects that children have that have 2 moms? (also, we don't live in a super liberal area, its moderate / suburban - no issues faced so far, but also not much exposure)

Question 1:
What are some ways that children raised by two moms might be influenced by their family structure? Specifically, I want to make sure they don't grow up assuming that same-sex relationships are the only type of relationship — just as parents in a male-female household would want their kids to know that their arrangement isn't the only valid one either.

Question 2:

Have your kids ever faced social exclusion — like not being invited to parties or events — because they have two moms? (I am asking from a place of genuine concern for my future kids, really wanting experiences here). My future wife and I are both very social, outgoing people (homecoming queen, valedictorian, athletes captains, etc), and we want our kids to have the same rich social life we did. I was just wondering if this seemed to be something noticed, that kids get left out or treated differently because of our family structure.

Question 3:

What are things that you have noticed that I might not even be thinking about yet? please be open and honest.

Hey all just joined my daughter came out to me about 5 years ago after her mom passed, I am a proud Dad of a lesbian daughter, she dresses as best as I can describe as Gothy shiek lol please forgive my terrible spelling, so today she came home from work with a Hot Topic bag and of couse I I got excied to see what she got she pulled out a Disnet villian Cardigan and two full length skirts one black her fav color and one green, she has had issues, with getting in touch with her femeity as a kid she was forced into dresses at the holidays,

I want to be as supportive as possible! I encourage her dark gothy side and help her embrace her mix of presenting masculine, not butch ( again, please forgive me if I use hte wrong terms) as tips, please

Proud Papa of an out Goth Lesbian Princess

UPDATE! she I dentifes as Stem if this helps