u/toupoiboy

i was reading what to expect when you’re expecting with my husband last night… and i realized how much i HATE when pregnancy books assume the “dad” (non carrying parent) is doing nothing or that they need to be reminded to…pick up socks. or that their partners are pregnant and need extra help????

maybe im fairly lucky in the husband game, but i’ve never had to remind him that i need help doing things or that he needs to clean up a mess hes made… it’s almost like we’re adults who should have this bare minimum expectation that we can take care of ourselves

i’m also in a queer relationship (nonbinary x cis man, both dad identifying), so maybe it’s different in straight relationships. but i’d divorce my husband if i had to remind him to pick up his laundry all the time. i’d lose my mind!!

i also think we need to give dads more benefit that they’re already taking on these roles and don’t need to be reminded

i’m a nonbinary person who uses he/she pronouns. until my unborn daughter can choose what she wants to call me, i’ve decided to go by dad!

the issue is, i’m the one carrying her. my husband is a cis man and i present a little femininely (longer hair, more alt/goth style) so often people refer to me using feminine terms, such as mother or mama.

if the person doesn’t know i’m nb, i usually just take it and smile. but if they DO know, i’m not sure how to say that i’d prefer to be dad than mom without being awkward. i’ve thought about going back to a more masculine style, but i don’t want to give up who i am simply to make others feel more comfortable referring to me as my daughter’s dad.

i’m really stuck on how to go about it. anyone deal with anything similar?