r/SingleMothersbyChoice

I’m having trouble finding a safe space that’s portable to bring into my bathroom or kitchen. Any recommendations for a 1-month old?

Hello all! I turn 40 January 2027 and I want a family. Problem is partly because i dont have much of one myself. I have my 78 year old Dad who lives with me, Aunt and Uncle in their 70's about 40 minutes away, 2 good local girlfriends and many cousins in other states. I dont have a father for babies. I feel alone in this world sometimes and I wouldnt want to bring a child into this world to feel the same pain. Id want them to have siblings, but how can this be done? What happens to my babies if something happens to me? Will i work full time - What will i do for child care? What happens in emergencies and im sick or they are sick? I own my home, mortgage is PAID off, car paid off, property taxes 6k/year. I make 50-60k year. Please tell me how this can be done. It takes a village to raise a child and right now that doesnt exist for me. Makes me cry thinking about not evwr being a mom.

I will be doing an IUI this cycle with frozen donor sperm, no trigger shot. My clinic tells me to come in the day I surge, however from reading online there’s conflicting information that says to have IUI 24-48 hours after surge. Wondering what everyone else did timing wise if using frozen sperm? Thanks!

ETA: medicated cycle with letrozole, monitoring with ovulation strips (both digital and non), clinic confirms ovulation with blood test following week. So far ovulation has been evident with blood test and surge from strips, had 2 failed in IUIs in spring but went in day of surge and donor sperm numbers were low

30F here, plan A is to get married and have kids the old fashioned way, plan B is to pursue becoming a SMBC in the next 5 years if I don’t meet the right guy. I have never frozen eggs but have had baseline testing done for it in the past. I know I want to be a mom more than I want to do just about anything and have been on this sub pretty consistently for the last 6+ mos.

So my AMH sucks (currently 0.8, was as low as 0.5 a couple of years ago) and I’ve had FSH between 7-16, which from the homework I’ve done would likely make me a poor responder to IVF/egg freezing. I also have bipolar disorder, and while I’m very stable now, I’m concerned the whole process of egg retrieval and the hormones involved would be very destabilizing for my mood (yes I know pregnancy would also be very destabilizing lol, but I can worry about that in 5 years once I’ve had more time stable under my belt, as I was just diagnosed with bipolar last year). I would also hate to spend 20k on egg freezing with the possibility of only retrieving 1-2 eggs, which I know is possible with my numbers.

All of the above being said, I’m considering freezing embryos with both donor eggs + sperm within the next year so to have as a safeguard should I be single in 5 years and want to pursue this path (this also gives me some time to be more established in my career/save more money). While I would prefer the child to be genetically mine, I also know that they run the risk of inheriting bipolar disorder from me, and that’s something I wouldn’t wish on my kids (though I would love the shit out of them regardless, my point being though I’m not overly attached to my genes). And again, the whole idea of going through the egg freezing process is just scary and a lot to wrap my head around.

Just curious if anyone on here had gone right to donor eggs versus using their own? If so, do you have any regrets or any words of insight?

All being well i start stims this week for my ivf cycle and im very excited about it after waiting so long to get here. The only thing im unsure about is telling my boss i need a day off for ER. I work for the NHS as a HCA and our sickness policy is quite strict. 3 lots of sick periods and then we start getting looked at. Ive had one this year. And i dont really want to take a sick day for this as it feels wrong.

Depending on when my cycle starts (if it starts on fri 21st when its due it) and the number of days of stims need it could fall on a day when im off. But i know this process is unpredictable.

Most people i work with, including my boss, are aware ive been pursuing but only a few know that im moving ahead this month.

I do work at the hospital where i will be having my in cycle scans so i could use my break for those if they fall on working days. But i have to go to london for ER and ET. Ironically i am off the week afer er is likely to be.

How did you tell your bosses? And when did you know when ER would be?

I'm in the early stages of getting ready to become a smbc. I'm 37, froze my eggs last year, and am now choosing a donor for IUI (or possibly IVF if that doesn't work). Having a partner or coparent has never been a priority for me. I spent my 20s and 30s dating casually, but was more interested in building friendships, exploring hobbies, and dedicating a lot of time to my career. I don't regret any of that and I feel that I've been able to build a nice life for myself. I'm excited to be a parent and make a nice life for a kid, too. But recently I've felt really sad that I've never had the experience of falling in love.

I've had a crush on a really good friend for a while. I've told them about it and we've been figuring out what our relationship could be, but last week they (very sweetly) told me they're falling in love with someone else and would rather stay friends with me. Of course rejection always stings, but this one feels different because it feels like my last shot at love before becoming a parent. I'm genuinely really happy to see how happy my friend is, and I think we've arrived at the right decision. And I'm also jealous. They're going on 14-hour dates, sending voice memos all through the night, getting completely swept up in new relationship energy. I want to feel that too!

Though I know it's entirely possible to fall in love after having a child, I know I'll be devoting most of my energy and attention to that baby. Romance will be different. I think my opportunities for young love are gone. As I'm intentionally, enthusiastically, walking down one path of life, I'm grieving the life that could be on that other path. It feels silly to do this before I'm even pregnant! But I would love recommendations for ways to let go of the life I'm not choosing.

I’m 40 and I would like to try again IVF after my last IVF failed in 2023, but this time I’d gowith donor eggs. But right now I am trying to recover from hPa axis dysfonction and low cortisol (burnout).

I want to wait to feel less tired of course, but I also feel I’m running out of time since I’m 40.

I’m afraid I have to give up motherhood dream because I pushed my body too far. Do you have hopeful stories, anyone here became SMBC after a severe burnout ? How did it go?

Hello 👋 I’m just gearing up towards taking my first ever pregnancy test after my first IUI and wondering people’s thoughts on how to go about it? I’m trying not to get my hopes up as I know chances on one go are obviously low. Do people do this with a friend? alone? with someone on the other end of the phone? do you look at it or hide it? Any thoughts on which kind of test to take - I.e. the ones with lines or the digital ones?? very curious about people’s stories! 🙂

36F, single AF, not sure where the time went, don't want to go into something just cause, might have to SMBC.

At what point did you give up and decide this is the route?

I also feel a lot of pressure to have kids, a cultural thing, but also I want them as well. I've always been really good with children. I just don't know if I have it me to do this route, mainly courage, etc. Like one day I'll look back and regret not being able to meet anybody else. Financially, I'm okay doing this alone. Also, going into freezing my eggs in the next few months. Fingers crossed still fertile enough for harvest.

Anyway, just a rant and seeking some solace. Tell me how you decided to go SMBC, pleeeese.

I posted last week about a scary ultrasound where they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Had follow up today and BABY IS OK! Measuring perfectly on schedule!!! Heartbeat strong! THANK GOODNESS!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

ETA: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND THE AWARD!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

I was wondering if anyone else out there feels this way.

I've had no problems with the idea of being a single mom and I'm currently a single mom of one to a child from a previous partnership. I've been looking into conceiving a second child via donor sperm and really wasn't expecting that the place I'd get stuck is the idea of using donor sperm.

First is the idea of having donor sperm injected via IUI or ICI. I know it's totally clinical, but the idea makes me feel like I'm having sex with a stranger. I could do IVF to skip this.

Then is the idea of carrying a stranger's DNA in my body.

And finally, it feels weird to have a whole person sitting across from me at the dinner table who is half me and half a stranger. I'd always wonder if there's something I don't recognize, whose traits are popping up--mine or his?

But the even stranger part is that I have none of these qualms with the idea of an embryo that is 0% my DNA, e.g. through embryo adoption or separate egg and sperm donors. The first ick is obviously not relevant. And I'm totally open to carrying and raising a child who is not genetically related to me.

Anyone else feel this way or can help me make sense of why I feel so differently about a halfway related child vs a completely unrelated child?

Hi Reddit, I just need a hug right now. I am 36 and went through a horrible, gut-wrenching breakup earlier this year with the only man I ever envisioned marrying. I tried to date, but I don’t trust a relationship not to blow up in my face after 1-2 years yet again, and the math isn’t mathing on my kids timeline anymore. SMBC is the logical choice and I am 90% sure I’m going to pursue this path, I meet with my clinic next week.

But I’m also so terrified and sad. I’m scared of living with a kid on one income, I’m scared of doing it alone, I’m scared of what will happen if I ever lose my job, I’m scared of potentially getting trapped in a city I hate because my child needs stability, I’m scared of being lonely forever.

I’m mentally committed, but there are so many unknowns. It’s just a lot of emotions.

How do you get through it?

hi all!

I am gearing up for an FET in a few weeks to hopefully have a second and make my amazing daughter a big sister. Due to DOR/POI, I moved onto using donor eggs (my daughter is from my own egg and donor sperm, I always say she was my last good egg!). I used the same donor sperm, so any (hopefully) future child would be a half-sibling to my daughter.

I have three embryos frozen (two day 6 4BB and one day 7 4BC). I was pretty disappointed I didn't get any day 5 or excellent quality embryos, but my clinic has very strict criteria on what embryos are allowed to be frozen and their success rates for even day 7 embryos are close to 40-50%.

My REI feels pretty good about my chances for one successful pregnancy and live birth with these three embryos.

The past 9 months have, for lack of a better word, really sucked. I have had a failed FET (with the only other embryo I ever made with my own eggs) and three rounds of IVF that resulted in zero embryos before I decided to move onto donor eggs. While all of this was going on, my sister successfully got pregnant as a gestational carrier on her first ever FET. So I've kind of been an emotional basket case the past few months. I am SO ready to be done with all things fertility

Would love to hear success stories and just some positivity!

Hi everyone! Has anyone here transferred embryos from the US to Spain that were created using an Open ID donor?

I’m currently living in the US and planning to move to Spain. I have frozen embryos created with my own eggs and an Open ID sperm donor, and I’d really like to use these embryos for my second child so my children can be genetic siblings and both have access to the donor’s identity when they’re adults.

I’ve contacted a couple of clinics in Spain and they’ve told me they cannot accept embryos created with an Open ID donor because of Spain’s donor anonymity laws.

I’m wondering if anyone has successfully transferred Open ID embryos from the US to Spain, or perhaps found a workaround (e.g. transferring to another European country for treatment).

I’d really appreciate hearing about anyone’s experience, even if it was unsuccessful. Thank you! ❤️

I live in the US and I’ve wanted to leave for as long as I could remember. As a teen I first learned about single moms by choice and it’s always been my first choice as far as kids go. Now I’m not sure I want to have kids at all if I remain in this country.

Has anyone fled the US as a SMBC or became a SMBC after leaving? What’s your experience?

Hello, I’m 38 and had my first IUI with donor sperm 6 days ago. I’ve been feeling so emotional since it and am just worrying about absolutely everything. I keep compulsively googling things which inevitably comes out with grim statistics about age and I start to feel hopeless and upset. there’s a part of me that knows that there is still hope and that all is not lost, but it feels so hard to connect to. I wondered if anyone has any words of wisdom they’d be happy to share? or any stories that go against the pessimistic stats? thank you so much xxx

I am 35yo going through ivf with donor sperm in Denmark.

It was my 2nd follicle stimulation after the first one failed resulting from premature ovulation.

Managed to pick up 4 eggs and on day 2, all 4 of them became embryos- this is what I heard Wednesday.

Today the clinic sent me the final report which says on DAY 5 and 6, unfortunately, no embryos developed into freezable blastocysts and could not be cryopreserved.

So it went all in vain... again.. after 2 cycles of meds..

I wanna cheer myself that at least there were progress this time and all 4 follicles had eggs and fertilised. But i feel massive feeling of loss. I had raised my hope.

Please share your experience of becoming a mum after multiple ivf cycles.. i do need some positive energy tonight!

Thanks all 💙

Hi SMBC sub,

I cannot thank you all enough for the support you have given me over the last year in my IVF journey. I have had 3 failed cycles - 1 IUI, 2 IVF. I'm 31, I have PCOS and adenomyosis.

This cycle I had a new clinic, new doctor, new protocol, new donor. We did a fresh 3 day transfer of a grade 1, 16-cell embryo.

Cw - success:

My beta came back nice and strong today at 243. I will have a repeat in 48 hours. I'm so scared because in my last pregnancy (8 years ago to the month) it was a repeat blood test that told me my hcg wasn't doubling, so I'm feeling a bit... triggered I guess? But feel like everything so far is pointing in the right direction.

I'm still absolutely terrified of everything that could go wrong, and a little bit disconnected, but beginning to let myself see some hope.

This sub was a lifeline to me after each of my failed cycles, truly. I felt so alone, and not many people irl knew what was going on for me. Now I let myself hope for a happy outcome.

<3

My donor eggs and sperm will be arriving at the clinic around August 25th. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Everyday seems so long. Yes I work and I’m currently in the process of filing my VA claim but I honestly feel like I’m going a bit crazy just watching the clock and waiting and constantly checking my email. It’s also really hot so I can’t take my dog for longer walks. I pretty much stay in the house and just leave to run errands.

I’ve been browsing strollers, bassinets, and other baby items but maybe that is making it worse. I am going on a cruise at the end of September so I do have things to look forward.

What did you do during this period?

So background is that I'm a 100% solo parent and I'm very tolerant and understanding of age appropriate behavior. I don't always have enough support outside of daycare hours when I'm working for me time to recharge. I am extremely morally against corporal punishment although physical punishment was used on me growing up (more like overly aggressive restraining than hitting). Important: I'm also a DV survivor and was diagnosed less than a year ago with CPTSD, which I'm in the process of seeking treatment for (very few resources where I live, long waiting lists).

So to today, my kiddo is 2.3 and he's very into hitting, biting, pinching, grabbing, climbing on me, screeching etc. Developmentally normal 2-year old stuff. I redirect and explain appropriate behavior. It's really important to teach him to respect me and today I failed really badly. We had an easy morning, he got lots of attention while we read books and ate breakfast outdoors. Mid-morning I really wanted time to recline with a coffee and to read my grown up book. He wouldn't stop climbing on me, wasn't responding to redirection. At one point while I was sipping my coffee, he smacked the cup hard into my teeth. As a DV survivor the impact to my face was really, really triggering to me (normally kiddo smacks me in the arm and not nearly that hard) and out of pure reflex I smacked him in the face. What scares me is that it wasn't a decision, it was a split-second reflex from my primal brain defending myself from a perceived threat.

We both dissolved into tears and I apologized and we cuddled for a long time. He's over it now (this happened 45 minutes ago) but I'm still shaken and crying. I feel like I have a low tolerance for hitting relative to people without C-PTSD and I wish there was some way to fix hitting behavior quickly. But it's impossible to just shut it down instantly. I feel like such a bad mom and person and I don't trust myself.

I'm really not looking for advice, I feel like I know all the parenting advice to address hitting in toddlers. I don't need any therapy advice, I have medical professionals for that. I guess I'd like to hear that it's going to be okay, and maybe if anyone else has had an isolated experience like this and the reaction didn't happen again, please tell me because I'm most scared about it happening again.