u/Recent-Charge1251

I've never posted here before, so I'm not exactly sure if this is the best sub to post this on. Here's context:

I'm nonbinary 24, born female, and I have a very masculine sense of self. I once identified as trans male in high school, but realized later on that it didn't really fit my idea of myself. As someone who is neurodivergent, it's more convenient to label myself in order to provide a loose explanation of my gender identity to those that ask/care. I know I don't OWE anyone an explanation, but I have hopes that offering insight will help others understand me.

I don't have dysphoria in my breasts, I am always subconsciously aware of them, but that's normal considering society's stance on the whole 'girls have to wear shirts in public and keep their breasts hidden thing.

Down to the bottom. I can touch my external anatomy just fine. I try not to really feel that I'm touching a vagina with my hand, and just focus on the sensation of pleasure.

But whenever I have attempted to feel pleasure from penetration (fingers, toys do not fit no matter what I do), even when its wet enough to do so, and when I've tried water-based lubricant, I don't.

I'm not very good at describing sensation so bear wirh me: worst case scenario: it just hurts or I can't get it in at all. Happens when I try to use tampons too. This happens sometimes even when it's wet.

Best case scenario: I'm able to slip a finger in, but usually only my pinkie or my index finger. I've never been able to insert anything larger, and it still feels like I'm going to tear something. Even when wiggling into the vaginal walls or trying to find that g-spot to see how the heck other FaB's find pleasure from this, it still makes me feel sick? You know the feeling of a weak stomach when you're ill and have been throwing up or shitting your brains out? It's like that, but instead of in your stomach, it's inside your genitalia. Same feeling with tampons (plastic tip) after I use a bit of water on the plastic to help slip it in. And when I pull it out later, I feel excruciating pain and fear that the string will rip off the pad part and it'll be stuck in there.

I usually prefer anal stimulation, even if it doesn't provide as much pleasure as clit rubbing.

I've never had a pap smear because I'm a virgin in every sense of the word, and frankly I'm terrified of having to get one to check for cancer due to the problems mentioned above and fears that the doctor will think I'm being dramatic about the pain.

So what do you think, ladies? I'm too scared to talk to my doctor, because I don't want her to just say it's vaginismus because she 'doesn't believe in gender dysphoria' mindset. I also believe my hymen isn't there still, considering I've been able to use tampons before.

And if there's any other place you think I should crosspost this to instead, please let me know.

I've never posted here before, so I'm not exactly sure if this is the best sub to post this on. Here's context:

I'm nonbinary 24, born female, and I have a very masculine sense of self. I once identified as trans male in high school, but realized later on that it didn't really fit my idea of myself. As someone who is neurodivergent, it's more convenient to label myself in order to provide a loose explanation of my gender identity to those that ask/care. I know I don't OWE anyone an explanation, but I have hopes that offering insight will help others understand me.

I don't have dysphoria in my breasts, I am always subconsciously aware of them, but that's normal considering society's stance on the whole 'girls have to wear shirts in public and keep their breasts hidden thing.

Down to the bottom. I can touch my external anatomy just fine. I try not to really feel that I'm touching a vagina with my hand, and just focus on the sensation of pleasure.

But whenever I have attempted to feel pleasure from penetration (fingers, toys do not fit no matter what I do), even when its wet enough to do so, and when I've tried water-based lubricant, I don't.

I'm not very good at describing sensation so bear wirh me: worst case scenario: it just hurts or I can't get it in at all. Happens when I try to use tampons too. This happens sometimes even when it's wet.

Best case scenario: I'm able to slip a finger in, but usually only my pinkie or my index finger. I've never been able to insert anything larger, and it still feels like I'm going to tear something. Even when wiggling into the vaginal walls or trying to find that g-spot to see how the heck other FaB's find pleasure from this, it still makes me feel sick? You know the feeling of a weak stomach when you're ill and have been throwing up or shitting your brains out? It's like that, but instead of in your stomach, it's inside your genitalia. Same feeling with tampons (plastic tip) after I use a bit of water on the plastic to help slip it in. And when I pull it out later, I feel excruciating pain and fear that the string will rip off the pad part and it'll be stuck in there.

I usually prefer anal stimulation, even if it doesn't provide as much pleasure as clit rubbing.

I've never had a pap smear because I'm a virgin in every sense of the word, and frankly I'm terrified of having to get one to check for cancer due to the problems mentioned above and fears that the doctor will think I'm being dramatic about the pain.

So what do you think, ladies? I'm too scared to talk to my doctor, because I don't want her to just say it's vaginismus because she 'doesn't believe in gender dysphoria' mindset. I also believe my hymen isn't there still, considering I've been able to use tampons before.

And if there's any other place you think I should crosspost this to instead, please let me know.

Let me cut to the chase for those who don't want to read all of this, and those who have a short attention span: Not everyone that has Borderline Personality Disorder will have the same triggers, responses, and behavior as Ren.

I have seen people go around and point out that Ren has BPD, and actively use it as a reason why she did what she did, and then use that as an excuse to harass others with the condition, isolate them, and relentlessly bully them. Please do not do this. Ren did what she did because she is selfish, and thought only of herself. Not because she has BPD.

Please do not generalize all people with the condition. Not everyone with BPD will go out of their way to hurt you, lie to you, and manipulate situations to get our way like Ren did ; however, it is true that some of us are high maintenance friends/partners and need extra and clear communication due to various factors or traumas growing up.

I was one of Ren's temporary moderators before I quit later due to not agreeing with her behavior and having different priorities. I was never one of Ren's fans from any of her socials, youtube, etc, and didn't even know anything about her. I strictly joined her temp. team for personal reasons/growth-related reasons. I didn't even bother reading her document or Zeal's, because in my eyes, the position was more professional and not necessarily about "keeping Ren happy" or being a shield for her.

On her server, I constantly called her out for her behavior and some of the things she said (jokes or not). And her constant public crashouts, I tried to tell her that she was just calling more negativity to herself, and she flat out messaged others over me. I also have BPD and am very close in age to her, so I recognized some of her patterns very early on. I don't feel comfortable saying much else because she and her other moderators may have access to my personal information ; we all signed in through Google Forms in order to fill out applications for the temporary moderator positions.

BPD is treatable through dialectal behavior therapy, and while it isn't something that someone can necessarily control, they can 100% LEARN to control it. Someone with a personality disorder who WANTS to change vs someone with a personality disorder who thinks they do no wrong makes all the difference.

Can someone please dumb down the simplest steps of how to use the eye dropper? I've tried looking it up but it says to hold space. I hold space, and it doesn't pick the color up. I try clicking, and it works, but only sometimes. It's really irritating lol.

I watch some youtubers do it so efficiently, but I don't know why I can't do it. I use a mouse and my gaming laptop, and I know it isn't a performance issue on my part. Is it just a bug orrrr?

I'll be as thorough as I can and answer when I see the notification. I check reddit weekly.

I also have gossip if anyone wants to hear some tea, so feel free to ask me about the dumbest rule they had or the coolest thing the staff did for us, etc.

Just a heads up if you guys are thinking about going to Denison Job Corps in Iowa. There is a predatory man working as an RA there.

Me and a few other RAs at the time reported him to the police and the Ottumwa Job Corps before and they didn't do anything, even though it is against the law in Iowa (the romeo and juliet law only covers 4 years apart btw, I've done my research). He also had nudes of my 17 year old roommate at the time, which is illegal because it is CP, so he likely has more CSAM on his phone. I know of these images because I had lent my roommate my old phone, and I told her to log out of her accounts before giving it back. She did not, and the second I opened discord, I saw that she had sent him an image of her bare chest.

When he was 23, me, him, and my roommate went to school there as students. I was 19-20 at the time, and he groomed my 17 year old roommate and SA-ed her in the male restroom of the recreation center. At the time, he was also in contact with a 15 year old girl via his discord named Kat, and she was from Illinois. His name on the discord used to be Dan Mead (alias), but I will not be saying his real name on this post unless asked because I don't think it's allowed and doxxing is not something I want to do. I'll describe him best I can below and if you want to know his name, message me privately. Do NOT accuse anyone of this in person if you are not 100% sure who it is, his initials are C. L.

I graduated from the Ottumwa Job corps and its college a few years ago, and just found out today that this individual is working as an RA at the Denison Job Corps. I don't know who else to tell, and the proof of the situation is not accessible to me so I feel like I can't just call up Denison Job corps and let them know, but please please please, if you go here and there is an individual around 26 ish years old, has dirty blond hair and a beard, and is a tall male above 6 foot tall, PLEASE STAY SAFE. He is a very controlling individual with charisma and claims he wants to be emotional support for students there, when in reality, this man took advantage of a neglected minor with severe mental health issues because their mother did not give them the care they deserved. He took a 'caring' role in my roommate's life, only to get jealous and passive aggressive and guilt trip my roommate whenever she wanted to hang out with someone else. And then ended up continuing the sexual relationship with her multiple times throughout the years, before and after she turned 18. Parents did not care because my roommate 'consented' at the time, but then messaged me last year after reconnecting and told me "he wasn't who I thought he was".

I don't want to stand by and not say anything if there is a risk of children/teens being in danger. Please stay safe and stay away from this "Dan Mead".