Content warning: I talk about cancer and death, so this is a friendly warning before you read on. If I need to add other warnings please let me know.
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(Also, sorry for the title. It's my first time posting and I didn't know what to call it).
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I (29F) am the daughter of two cancer patients. The first was my mum. She was diagnosed with breast cancer back in late 2006. Her cancer was aggressive. She didn't have it just once, or twice, she had it three times. She had two full rounds of chemo and surgery by the time it came back a third time and by then they couldn't remove it without causing complications. From there it unfortunately spread to her spine, liver, and brain. She died in hospital in October 2007. I was 11 years old at the time. She was 43.
The second is my dad (62M). He was diagnosed with low grade prostate in July of 2025. He didn't tell me until December. He didn't want to because of our history with my mum, but I needed to hear it.
My dad and I have had a very strained relationship over the years since my mum's death. We rarely got on, couldn't communicate well, and couldn't see a way to fix our relationship. When he told me he had cancer, despite our estrangement I told him I didn't want to lose another parent to cancer.
Apparently that statement was a massive wake up call for him. We had dinner together not long after he told me at a restaurant in the town I'm living in, and for the first time in a very long time we were open and honest with each other. It was actually enjoyable. But he noticed that he was peeing blood. We are both open with our various health problems. I have anxiety, depression, endometriosis, and recently found out I have ADHD. My dad suffers from sarcoidosis, bladder infections, and was diabetic. Talking about our respective health problems is normal for us.
After a scan to see what the cause was, they found a tumour in the muscle of his bladder and that his left kidney has a blockage where the tube from it meets the bladder. He had surgery to see if they could remove the tumour, but they couldn't as there wouldn't be enough healthy tissue left around it. Through that though they biopsied it and confirmed it was cancer.
The plan of action became that he would undergo surgery to remove his bladder and prostate and give him a stoma. However, due to his reoccurring history of bladder infections, he ended up with a bad one days before he was due for surgery. It was cancelled and he spent time in hospital to treat it. He was given a new surgery date of May 1st. Then the week before it he was back in hospital due to the same infection. He was kept on antibiotics until the day before surgery.
On Friday morning he went in for it. By 6pm I was told by his wife he was out and in the ICU to start recovery. He texted me Saturday to tell me he was out of the ICU and on a normal ward. Sunday he called. Though groggy from exhaustion and morphine (been there), he was happy. The surgery was a success. They took some lymph nodes as well as his bladder and prostate, but they got it all. He was happy he could start to get better. He's referring to his stoma pouch as his kangaroo pouch (it's his way of coping by making bad and silly jokes. It's how we know he's okay. The day he stops is the day we need to be worried).
Regardless of the problems my dad and I have had over the years, we still love and care about each other. I meant what I said, I don't want to lose another parent. This whole thing has been a sad and tragic wake up call to finally mend our relationship and communicate better. We don't argue, we just listen. He accepts that he's not always handled things right in the past and he's apologised for it. I know I wish I could have done many things differently, but I was scared of him and his anger. I have nothing to hide from him now and I'll always tell him the truth. And he'll listen to me and belive me when I say that I am struggling. We have a very, very long way to go, but we have that chance now.
I've been in therapy since September/October 2025, and my dad will be starting therapy soon. We are both getting the help we need and we both have people in our lives who support us.
This has been on my mind all day, and it's early Monday morning as I'm typing this because I can't sleep. I didn't expect to have to deal with this type of thing again. All I want is for my dad to get better so we can have the relationship we've wanted. It won't be perfect, but it'll be better than it used to be. And I'm happy with that because he'll be alive for a bit longer.
So if you take anything from this, if there's anything that concerns you about your health, please get it checked out. For the sake of the people who love you and for the chance at making things better with the people you wish were more present in your life. But also for yourself and your own happiness. Get it checked out.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.