u/DiscoPrince1991

So, I am playing in a Level 20 PVE DnD one-shot in a few days, and I decided I wanted to play as my favorite character from the Green Lantern lore: Razer, the legendary Red and Blue Lantern from Volkregg. I had one idea of a Goliath (since his people kind of look like Goliaths) Arcana Cleric, with the idea that his “deity” or rather “deities” were the Red and Blue Lights/their Entities. my thought was Cleric’s healing, support, and tanking abilities work well for Razer’s Blue Lantern abilities, but then with Arcana Domain giving me access to a lot of the Wizard spell list, that can give me a lot of offensive blaster spells for his Red Lantern powers.

But I wanted to see if other people had other ideas for how to build him in game.

So, those of us who have seen the second movie all know how it goes. After jumping back ten minutes in time on the moon base, the present day Austin (now referred to as “Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now”) teams up with his past self from ten minutes ago (now referred to as “Past Austin”) to both stop the laser form destroying Washington, D.C. and save Felicity from the poison gas. They succeed.

But then Dr. Evil pulls out his final card: the vial with Austin’s mojo stolen from the frozen past Austin. (Seemingly) The only thing that can restore Austin’s libido and virility as well as cure his impotence. Activating the self-destruct, Dr. Evil throws it into the air. Both Austins in a panic rush to catch it before it shatters on the ground, and…

They fail. The two Austins collide into each other, falling to the ground, and the vial of mojo shatters on the ground in a puddle as all the grooviness and sex appeal fades from it in a colorful cloud of smoke. Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now is mortified, mourning over the puddle, trying to scoop up even a tiny drop of mojo that might have SOME of his groove left in it.

But Past Austin? …Nah. Despite having been just as freaked out as Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now mere seconds ago, he suddenly is like, “Oh well. No use crying over spilled mojo. So, uh, Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now, we should probably get out of here before this place explodes”, and flees via the time portal.

Now, we know both Austins have their mojo back during the mid-credits scene with Felicity, but in that moment on the moon base, why did Past Austin suddenly not care that his mojo was destroyed like Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now. It’s not like he knew at the time his mojo would seemingly just come back naturally. Why do you guys think Past Austin didn’t seem as upset as Austin-From-Ten-Minutes-From-Now when the mojo broke?

So, I saw an interesting theory a while back, and I was curious to see what everyone here thought. When we are first introduced to Ivana Humpalot, Basil tells Austin that one of the models at the photoshoot Austin is conducting works for Dr. Evil. Later, when Austin gets her alone and tries to seduce her, she claims she was sent by Dr. Evil to assassinate Austin only to then confess she can’t go through with it as she finds him too sexy, seemingly having succumbed to the allure of Austin’s mojo. She then begs Austin to make love to her, which he giddily attempts to do, only for their romp in the sheets to come to a screeching halt as Austin suddenly loses his mojo. Suddenly impotent, Austin is no longer able to perform for Ivana, who seems quite shocked and disappointed that Austin is feeling “limp”.

…But was she *really*?

According to this fan theory, rather than being sent to kill Austin as she claimed, Dr. Evil sent her as a diversion to allow him to carry out his time travel plot unimpeded. He intentionally leaked it to MOD so they would focus on that he could go forward with his journey back to 1969 undetected. While Austin and MOD focused on the supposed “assassin”, Dr. Evil could go forward with stealing Austin’s mojo. He knew Austin would not be able to resist Ivana when she basically offers herself up on a platter for him and would be too busy trying to shag her to realize what Dr. Evil was up to until it was far too late.

Now, whether Ivana was in on this is up for debate. On the one hand, she could very well have been a knowing participant in Dr. Evil’s true plan, faking the story she had been sent to kill him until feigning falling for Austin and getting him into bed long enough for Dr. Evil to succeed in his plan. Or, perhaps she really had been sent to kill him like she claimed, but Dr. Evil, knowing how almost all women cannot resist Austin, knew she would not be able to go through with it and would be seduced by Austin. Either way, per his plan, Austin gives into Ivana’s advances and proceeds to take her to bed, only to suddenly become impotent as he loses his mojo and unable to fully satisfy either a knowing or unwitting Ivana.

The purpose of this: humiliation. Sure, Dr. Evil could have just used the Time Machine to kill Austin in the past like Scott said. But that would be too quick. Too clean. After all the years of being bested by the International Man of Mystery, constantly humiliated by Powers, Dr. Evil wanted Austin to suffer. To feel the humiliation he felt for all those years after constantly one-upped by Powers. As both men said, “This time, it’s personal.” And there is NOTHING Dr. Evil could have done to Austin as a more personal attack than to hit him below the belt, figuratively and literally, and steal Austin’s most beloved feature: his very libido. And what could make rendering Austin Powers, considered by many to be the world’s best lover, impotent even MORE embarrassing than to have it happen while in the middle of a hot, steamy shag with a beautiful woman? What could humiliate Austin more than for the first time being unable to keep it up for a lover, knowing there was someone out there he failed to satisfy?

So, what do you think? Was Ivana really meant to kill Austin, and her failure to do so was just by chance mitigated by the success of Dr. Evil stealing Austin’s mojo? Or, was she, knowingly or not, always intended to never actually kill Austin and simply serve as the ultimate embarrassment for him as he suddenly suffered erectile dysfunction?

So, this idea came to as I was listening to a podcast on the movie. Apparently, the original intent was NOT to go with the full James Bond thing of a different Bond Girl every film. The intent was for Vanessa to still be in the film, but Elizabeth Hurley had scheduling issues where she could not do the whole film. She was available for the one scene where she is revealed as a Fembot, so they at least could work her in that way.

Now, this makes me wonder, though. If they did “The Spy Who Shagged Me” with Vanessa, what would the film have been like? What would it be like for Austin Powers losing his mojo while he is married? How would they have approached the whole angle of Austin being impotent and unable to get it up for his wife? How would Vanessa this time around handle being the one who is the fish out of water upon returning to the 1960s and needing Austin to teach her about life in the Swinging Sixties? While Felicity is unlikely to have been created if Hurley was available, assuming they did, what could they have done with a potential love triangle, Felicity perhaps trying to win Austin’s heart to get him back to his swinging ways while Vanessa tries to keep Austin monogamous and him having to choose between returning to his old life with Felicity or staying with the new life he built with Vanessa?

Obviously, these are just a few of the questions that could be raised in this fun little “What If” scenario. I’d love to hear some of the pitches or ideas you guys might have.