Hi, thank you for taking the time to read and help me to better advocate for my niece during a particularly precarious time.
Context and backstory: My niece converted to Islam about 2.5 years ago and about nearly 2 years ago fully committed herself to veiling (hijab) and covering her body. We all live in the south in the U.S. where Christianity isn’t just a common religion, it is part of the culture throughout.
My dad (her grandfather) is a southern Baptist preacher and we are down in Georgia as a familial matriarch (on my dad’s side) has quickly diminished and is expected to pass within the next week or so. My dad’s side of the family is and has always been more conservative and intolerant of deviations from their beliefs, practices, and values (they didn’t want me to marry my husband because he was Episcopalian and “Episcopalians are wine drinkers”—mind you, I just told him how he was raised and that I was happily newly engaged—so that’s the context I have with my uncle when presented with a non-conservative, evangelical denomination/doctrine/creed). Originally my dad and I were going to come to Georgia to offer support and just draw near as our beloved aunt passes. My sister saw that my niece was very upset by this family member’s recent, abrupt move to Hospice care—so my sister and niece have now come down to Georgia.
My immediate family isn’t really emotionally close to my father’s uncle and aunt due to distance, health limitations, travel difficulties, and the fact that they are both 99 years old and still married (75 years!). So, naturally, my immediate family was surprised that my niece wanted to come.
Dad’s feeling pressure because he is a lynchpin between his older family members who have no tolerance of or consideration for any other religious practice. We will be spending an overwhelming majority of our time in their home (Hospice at Home option) and Dad/we fear that they will not allow my niece to be welcomed in their house while observing her faith through her clothing and hijab. My sister (single parent, so there is no other parent to consider) asked my niece if she would consider not wearing her hijab when we are at their house (acknowledging the purpose and function of the hijab as we will be strictly with family and 2 female hospice nurses)—my niece said she’s not going to not wear her hijab.
Tomorrow is our first day going to see them (because we all drove in this afternoon/evening) and I’m trying to best advocate for my niece. Dad, mom, my dad’s side of the family are all devout Southern Baptist Christians—my sister and I are very openminded about our spiritual lives and still processing some religious trauma inflicted by The Church (I studied Middle Eastern religions in college forever ago, so my knowledge of and experience with Islam is very limited).
I understand that there may be natural consequences (using that word neutrally) as my aunt and uncle might have household rules and boundaries that they may enforce and that my niece, too, may have boundaries that she chooses to enforce.
With all this said (thanks for sticking with me this far)—how can I best protect my niece in this situation? Our aunt is actively dying, no one has seen my niece since her conversion, and my dad is very concerned that her hijab will “wrongfully” (his word) take the focus from of this sacred, final goodbye and place the focus on her differences.
TLDR; my 15 yr old hijabi niece (converted 2ish years ago and is the only Muslim in our family) is traveling to very conservative Christian extended family (her grandfather’s side, who is my dad) to pay last respects to my dad’s 99 year old aunt. My dad wants her to not wear her hijab as to not cause a problem or distract, my sister is (from what I know) not doing anything and is hoping for the best, and so I’M ready to play offense, defense, throw some elbows on the play if people get ugly. I just want to know from practicing Muslims, what asks/requests are too far, too much, nonnegotiable, inappropriate, or rude to even ask or consider? And what are appropriate questions or requests that I can encourage my family to lean towards?
It sounds like both sides are very steadfast in their stances. I’m seeking peace, acceptance, that no one is doing or being asked to do anything against their sincerely held beliefs, mutual respect and understanding, and most importantly love.
Thank you for any and all insights!