idk anymore this shits hard
honestly idk what title to put this as. I'm 18 and have been "out" for around 3 years now and have known it myself since 2021. by out I mean only my friends and aunts know. my family isn't exactly supportive, and they definitely don't try to understand. my dad technically knows but nothing comes out of it, and my mom "coincidentally" forgot every separate time I've had to come out to her. I've never corrected anyone, maybe that's on me being too spiteful, but I really don't wanna feel like I have to prove myself extra just to exist.
socially, I really can't do much to transition. my family won't like it. medically, I'm broke as hell, and my country having access to those records will make things cannot be safe in any way anymore. I've honestly been so dissociated and out of it that I can't tell if I'm just making it up in my head, but you'd think I would've realized that by now right???
lowkey at this point I'm considering detransitioning just to keep things "easy." I hate even just the thought of that, but then again what would the difference be if nobody around me sees me for who I am already anyways?