I’m obsessed with a YouTuber
I think I’m lowkey in love with a small VR YouTuber, and it’s getting weird
Okay… this is honestly kind of embarrassing to admit, but here we go.
There’s this smaller YouTube creator who makes VR content. He’s not super famous, but he has a decent following like, if you’re in that community, you probably know who he is. And I feel like I’ve developed this weird attachment to him.
I know what people are gonna say”you’re just fangirling.” And yeah, part of it is that. But it also feels a little deeper and a lot more… unhealthy, I guess?
I catch myself constantly checking his Instagram, his posts, his friends’ pages especially his girlfriend’s. Not in a “show up in real life” kind of way, just online, but still. It feels obsessive.
And this is where I’m gonna sound like a terrible person, but I’m being completely honest.
I compare myself to his girlfriend a lot. And I’m not even gonna sugarcoat it she’s really not that pretty. Like, she’s not ugly, but she’s definitely not what people would call attractive either. And I know how bad that sounds, but it’s genuinely what goes through my head.
There are times I look at her and I literally don’t get it. Like… her face just looks kind of squished together to me. I don’t even know how else to explain it. It just doesn’t make sense in my brain how he’s attracted to her.
Meanwhile, I’ve been told a lot that I’m a pretty girl. I get compliments, attention, all that. So it messes with my head even more because I start thinking, “how is HE with HER?”
And what’s even weirder is that he wasn’t even that attractive to at first either which I didn’t care . But the older he got, the more he grew into himself, and now he a lot more attractive. So seeing them together just feels… off to me.
And then I start thinking things like “I’d be a better girlfriend,” or “I’d look better next to him,” which sounds so arrogant and messed up, I know.
What really bothers me is this weird urge I have for him to notice me more. I’ve tweeted about him, interacted with his content, and he’s even liked a couple of my posts. And instead of being satisfied, I just want more. Like I want him to actually reach out or notice me in a bigger way.
And yeah… this is the worst part. There’s a small, selfish part of me that wants him to give me attention even though he’s in a relationship. Like I’d almost want him to cross that line just so I can feel validated.
Which makes me feel like a horrible person because what if he’s genuinely happy?
I don’t even fully understand why I feel like this. It’s like a mix of attraction, obsession, and ego. Like I want validation from someone I don’t even actually know.
I know this sounds toxic. I know it sounds insane. But it’s the truth, and I just needed to get it off my chest.