Just saw a post in my local community subreddit about needing suggestions for family friendly wineries….
Wtf!
Why aren’t wineries and breweries and bars strictly childfree areas? Why are we letting this become normalized? Why do parents insist on drinking around their babies and driving home with them?
Oh the insanity…
This may be a recurring inquiry of mine soon but I’d love to hear about others experience as a childfree person who has friends that become parents.
I’ve seen quite a few sad or even horror stories about those of us who end up losing friends that choose parenthood. I’ve never been the type to easily cut someone off and would never ever cut off someone just for becoming a parent. So I would appreciate hearing experiences similar to this please.
I have had 4 close friends become mothers in the past 5 years. One friend had her son in our early 20s, and even though we grew up together, we had already drifted apart in our teens and stopped being as close so her becoming a mom wasn’t the cause of our distance but it ended up contributing to it. Two close friends from college ended up getting married and with child right around the same time. Coincidentally within this past year, they both moved (we were already all long distance) a bit further out, in different but still isolated/rural areas.
Since they’ve both given birth to their second child, I fear that I am falling flat as a friend and it’s causing a hindrance to the friendship. For example, one of them just had her second child about a week ago and I fear she’s harboring some disappointment that I did not visit them in the hospital. As a reference they are about 4 hours away from me and I work full time (hybrid schedule). I did also have plans this weekend and didn’t cancel them just to go visit. I previously told her that I would visit in a few weeks instead. Unfortunately it would be for a day and a half, which is something that also bothers her because it’s too short to her.
Now my question is if I’m lacking in the excitement and fawning department? I am the oldest daughter, been around babies/children all my life, so now in my mid 20s, I’m overly used to this. I’m not the type to be all up in a newborns face or anything either. I think they should have space instead but my personal opinion. I would not say I’m indifferent either. I care, so happy and relieved that mom and baby are healthy, but I’m not *fawning*.
Am I lacking as a concerned friend? I was texting and on the phone with her as I could be last week when she gave birth, but when she called this weekend and I was busy driving, she was visibly upset that I was preoccupied and hung up the phone.
I tried calling just now but I temperature check because obviously it’s the first week home with a newborn and I want to be considerate. I ask if she’s awake and she asks why, I reply that I wanted to call and was checking that I wouldn’t wake anyone first, she replies “I’m good, going to sleep now.”
I could be overthinking this but I tend to overly worry if I’m being a shitty friend in general (just because I’m naturally low maintenance). But now that I’m staunchly childfree but also have mom friends, Im just worrying I’m not being up to par.
Sorry for the long rant. Has anyone else wondered this or any experience navigating this?
***EDIT: This is not about me being sad that my friends are becoming moms. I have no such feeling like that about this situation. This is about me possibly making THEM sad/upset.