AIO I think my bf is going through my text messages
Hello Reddit, I am a 23F. I had to make a whole new account on an old iPad for this to avoid him reading this if he is. I do need some outside perspective as I can see how my own bias could twist the situation. I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about this yet. I reason to suspect my boyfriend (23M) is going through my text massages. There is a lot here but I guess I’ll start with what originally made me suspicion and then go from there.
Context, my middle name is Elizabeth, as many woman who have that middle name I was often called “name-beth” by my mom. Ex if my name was Katie, I would be called “Katiebeth” by my mom. As far as I know this is somewhat normal and common for girls with the middle name. (Not my name but we will go with it.)
I started talking this guy around a year ago and we went official after 5 months. I am a busy person so I take dating slow.
One day, after months he just randomly pops out with “Katiebeth”, I had a strange reaction because that is exclusively something for my mother to call me. I know it’s silly, like it’s just a name. Still, I associate it heavily with my mom. We have a complex relationship and she has had a lot of bad mental health episodes through out my entire life. That nickname is something special between us that makes me feel closer to her. I don’t want it mixed-up with any romantic partner. I don’t want it to be associated with them. My dad does not call me that, my sisters do not call me that, I am named after my late grandmother and my grandfather still does not call me that. I do not let close childhood friends call me that.
I asked him to please not call me that. At the time he agreed.
It didn’t sit right with me though. It’s not that he didn’t know my middle name, we are dating and it’s on all my, my official paper work. I think I told him my middle name early on in dating. As just a “Oh, I just have basic white girl middle name haha” kind of way. It’s not impossible he came up with it, on his own. But, never once did I hint to my nickname or say anything about it. I didn’t put any weight behind my middle name.
He is not a nickname guy. He calls all of our mutual friends by their given or preferred name fully. When he talks about his friends it always a full name unless explicitly told otherwise. He calls me pet names, sometimes, but none are related to my name. Always “sweetheart” or “honey”. He has yet to meet my parents as I live far away, and traveling with my job is hard. I also have a complex relationship with them, and so I didn’t want to bring him around so early into dating. They know I am seeing someone and we have plans to visit in the summer. Either way, he’s not met my mother, or talked to her yet. For him to pop out with that nickname without ever hearing it from my mom, and me not putting any significance into my middle name felt just so strange to me. Why would he just come up with that after not having any kind of nickname related to my name at all?
This is what initially had me feeling weird. I did my best to shake it off, I mean it seems insane to find it weird, but over the span of the last 3 months, I have become convinced he has been reading my text. The only place anyone calls me that in any format he could find is my mom over our text.
I didn’t thank that was what was happening until after some of the other events.
I texted my friend about maybe getting bangs, then a few days later he asked if I “ever thought about getting bangs?”.
I texted my sister a singer I liked and then he suddenly liked them too, after not saying anything about them before.
My friend texted me about an old fandom from middle school and he brought the show up to me! It’s not exactly a show I would say would appeal to him.
Mother’s day sent me over the edge. I send a card in the mail that arrived like a day before mother’s day signed as “Katiebeth” (as I always do for her) and my mother sent a photo of the card to me with a message thanking me. The next day, as we were getting ready for brunch with his mother, he called me it again, and in my gut I just felt it.
I feel so paranoid thinking about it. Individually, they could all be coincidence. He could have come up with my nickname, it’s common enough. He could have thought I just would look good with bangs. Maybe he really did like the singer and the show and just didn’t mention it before.
I know this is my point of view, it’s probably bias but do you think I am being unreasonable? I will sort out my next moves after I feel confident one way or another.