Trigger warning/Vent: In a world of GLP-1 glory.
Ive been trying to deal with recovery, in ways, over the last few months. I mostly just ignore a lot of the thoughts I have about my body and weight gain. It’s been difficult though, to practice self love and whatever when it feels like everyone around me is romanticizing and glorifying extreme thinness. I already hate my body and kind of always have. Ive never been thin enough and I always see fat on myself. Everyone I know seems to be on GLP-1s. I am sorry but I hate it. Maybe it’s just pure envy. Especially since many of these people are already pretty thin themselves or a normal/healthy weight range but use it (and take more than the dose on purpose) for extreme weight loss. One “friend” even bragged to me about how sick it makes her? I have been struggling to even say anything or speak up for myself in these situations. I never really know how to approach it. I also guess you could say I struggle in silence. To me it just feels like everyone says they have an eating disorder now. Then it gets weird. This will sound insane, but I know im not special for it. I began to avoid talking about it in therapy. I was in treatment for ana in my early 20s. A doctor who was treating me said I definitely did not look thin enough to have a restrictive eating disorder. That sort of ruined my life. I think about it all the time. Even many years later.
I also just avoid talking about it in general. I have tried to tell a couple people but it always seems like a weird and uncomfortable situation. It usually ends up being competitive too, or dismissive. Ive had a friend tell me she was thinner than I am before. Super cool. I also have one friend who seems to agree with me, but I found out shes secretly taking GLP-1s to stay extremely thin. That one was tough because she’s always been the thinnest person I have known. She’s also beautiful and tall. All things I envy. That was a heartbreaking realization. Now it feels like I can’t really trust her or what she says. There are people I have been close to, and leaned on who were always really inspiring in how they talked about body image. Now they are also falling down these pipelines of skipping meals and acting like it’s cute and funny to lose weight that way.
I don’t even know what to do or say at this point. Maybe I am just trying hard not to spiral from having intense envy for these people. I feel like I think about restricting all the time. I feel awful after every meal. Im embarrassed, but it feels like all I think about is food and its relationship to my body. It is an internal battle. I try my best to shut it out and then? Everyone is on GLP-1s.
I’m just ranting I guess. I don’t know what to say beyond that. Maybe I wanted to see if anyone else can relate. I do know GLP-1s can be helpful for some people, sure. Sometimes, many times, I wish I was on em too. I know im not special. I just feel pretty isolated. Ive deleted social media and try to avoid a lot of “triggers” but I see it everywhere. I feel like there’s no running from it. I also just felt tired of bottling these intense feelings up. So now im here, typing it for the internet to see. Okay byeeeeee.