I don’t know what to do
I (32M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (32F) for about 3 months now. I live with a housemate in a two bedroom unit. We were friends since university so I used to consider him a good friend.
My housemate have always been dismissive about my long distance relationship. Even though I told him it’s real, he never agreed and it didn’t matter because I ignored it. He seemed to make it his life mission to make me hear about it everyday. And I would naturally tell my girlfriend. Over time she realized that he doesn’t like her and it started to affect our relationship.
Last Saturday I was trying to fill a form (2026 Census for all the Canadian folks here) while she was connected in the phone. I needed some information from my housemate but when he saw she was connected, he refused to tell me unless I disconnected her. I told her what happened and said I’d call her back. She was mad at me that I listened to him. In her words, I let him disrespect her and I didn’t protect her. This wasn’t the inly instance that made her react this way. It was the breaking point from all the time in the past my housemate made rude comments about our relationship.
Anyway, when she said she felt insulted I told her enough is enough and I’ll talk to my housemate about it. Me and my housemate were supposed to go out to get something so I told her I would talk to him in the car. In my mind, I was address the issue she pointed out but she says I should not have gone out at all (which I agree. I should’ve known better). But while I was out, I kept messaging her on iMessage. It showed “delivered” like normal so I thought she is getting my messages but ignoring them because she is angry. I had no idea I am blocked there so that “delivered” wasn’t actually getting to her. It was a lie. She said she waited whole night for me and I should’ve messaged her on Zalo where she didn’t block me. Zalo didn’t cross my mind because iMessage told me my messages were getting delivered. So she is adamant that I ignored her and left her be (when in fact I didn’t). I showered the proofs but she won’t believe me. After trying hours to try and get her to talk, she put two conditions on me: 1. Me and my housemate apologize to her and every time I’m going out with him further than 20 kilometres, me and my housemate need to take her permission. And 2. If he doesn’t apologize, I’m not allowed to talk or go out with him.
The problem is I’m stuck in between now. I want to choose my girlfriend but that would mean conflict with my housemate and I have to live in a toxic environment for the rest of my lease term (I can’t leave). Or I lose my girlfriend which obviously I don’t want. If I choose option one and ask my housemate to apologize, he will probably stop being friends with me even if he apologizes to her. If he doesn’t, my girlfriend will probably leave me anyway. So I’m losing everyone. What do I do?
I personally feel my housemate was wrong to comment. But he told me. Not her. It was me who used to tell her everything. I honestly don’t know what to do now.
Thank You Note: I wanted to thank everyone for sharing your thoughts. I would not call any comments/advise harsh. I needed to hear them and I appreciate it.
Update #1: I spoke to my housemate about everything. In his opinion, he wasn’t wrong and was not involved directly (which is technically correct because I was the one who told my girlfriend about whatever he used to say. But whatever). I asked him to apologize to her. He said “I will apologize you if I have to but never to her”. If she was someone I was dating in-person, he said he would but not to my LDR partner because “there is no scope” for us to be together in the future.
I told him if it’s that then I going to hangout with you anymore. And left.
Girlfriend is starting to calm down. She is starting to become reasonable again (like she is normally) but there is an awkwardness between us. But I can definitely see her slowly warming up to me again and I’ll give her the time and space.