I just realized that it’s time for me to go very low contact with my mom and I guess I want more of a reason to feel confident as to why I did it.
Growing up she was always very controlling and had mood swings. She didn’t let me have a sense of true identity or learn life really. We fought a lot. She always lied about me to people and mocked my weaknesses. She was a mean girl in my eyes. I ended up becoming an alcoholic which I have since recovered/am recovering from.
It took me a long while and lots of self help to realize I wasn’t the problem. And that was all while still having a relationship with her.
Fast forward to me having to cut her out for 3 months because she was texting me crazy abusive messages while I was already under immense stress at work (and was being sexually harassed by two older men). She didn’t care at all.
Eventually I gave her another chance because of family pressure and her “commitment to change and get better”.
I ended up finding a man and now we’re going to get married. Things weren’t perfect since I let her back in, but they weren’t as bad as before…until it came time for my wedding planning.
She only cared about herself. She was so inconsiderate to not only me but my fiance and her family. She told the family lies about private conversations my fiance and I had regarding children and our wedding. She tried to influence the entire family in agreeing with her plans that no one was interested in and all without asking me first. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
Anyway, recently she exploded on me over the phone when I tried to book an early Mother’s Day brunch for her. It was vile. She called me the worst things said I “liked to control people” and that I was mean and she and my dad were scared of me. She said my aunts were gossiping about me and etc. it was all untrue and clearly a projection of herself, but it hurt. It hurt bad. Let’s not forget I recovered from an alcohol addiction heavily influenced by my toxic upbringing.
Was there anything else I could have done before making this decision? I feel like I gave my all to make it work and she simply will not change. Any time she’s nice and helpful, it’s all a rouse. She’s fake. And she fooled me saying she was going to change. I feel totally defeated and blindsided. And I can’t allow this into my new married life and around my future kids.
If anyone has similar experience or can give any advice I am all eyes.
Ps I’m in my mid 30s.
Thank you