hi i might rant like crazy here but i'm an 18 y/o boy. i made some pretty bad friends at 12 and drank + did drugs from ages 12-16 which isolated me pretty bad and sorta messed my childhood up. i feel like my other friends had that normal teenage development that i missed and maybe that makes me hard to be around? anyway, i broke contact with the bad friends at 2 years ago and got clean from drugs. i hung out with my other friends throughout this period of my life, so i still had them when i broke contact. my closest friends were me and 3 other guys. i've known one of the guys literally since he was born, our families are close friends so we pretty much grew up as brothers. the other two i've known since 1st and 5th grade. we always hung out together, liked to go camping and fishing a lot, i always have a really fun time with them and i love them a lot. lately, though, they're always hanging out without me. when i ask to hang out they say they're busy and never invite me when they're together. they invite me like 1/10 times they hang out together now, and they're with each other like every other day. i don't think they want to be my friend anymore and i honestly feel miserable. i honestly feel really angry at the boy i've known since we were kids since each time we're together, he always tells me how much he loves me and how much i mean to him. he says he sees me as a literal brother and has pretty much begged me to make blood pacts and matching tattoos with him hundreds of times. i don't understand what's happening and i feel so so lonely right now. i've fallen into an addiction again and i've spent the past like six weekends drinking in my room by myself, i'm drunk rn for fucks sake. i don't know how i'm going to manage. so how do i deal with this loneliness?