Hi, this is my first post and I’m not from an English-speaking country, so please bear with me and this will be a long post.
I (26F) have a friend (24F), “Elizabeth.” We’ve been close since our first year of university. We lived together with two other girls (Anna and Julie), and we’ve stayed as a friend group ever since.
Lately, I feel like I’ve had a realization about her, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking or if I’ve been blind this whole time.
Context:
Elizabeth has always been the “sensitive” one, cries easily, follows trends, changes her personality a lot depending on what she sees online. We always supported her and treated her like the “little sister” of the group.
Looking back, there were small things I ignored.
She used to downplay my achievements. For example, when I had a higher GPA, she would tell people it was just because I was in a small class. When I got a student exchange and good internships, she said it was because I was “lucky.”
There’s also a strong culture in my university where we celebrate milestones (internship exams, thesis, graduation). I had my internship exam earlier than her, but she didn’t congratulate me until she got her own exam schedule. Meanwhile, I showed up for her milestones with gifts and support.
I brushed all of this off at the time.
There was also a moment when her mom passed away. The funeral was the next morning, and of course I came. Before the burial, she called me and said:
“My boyfriend can’t come, but it’s okay, I can just force you to come instead.”
I know she was grieving, so I didn’t react, but that wording stuck with me.
Fast forward to after graduation.
I got a job earlier than her. Around that time, I also met my current boyfriend. We have a healthy relationship, and I’m genuinely happy.
Elizabeth, on the other hand, had been very anti-men for years after being cheated on. She even said she might like girls at one point,.
But right after I met my boyfriend (before we were even official), she suddenly said she wanted a friends-with-benefits setup. About a month after my relationship became official, she told me she started one, with a guy she previously cut off for making degrading comments about women.
That felt odd.
Then things started piling up:
I visited her (traveled 3 hours and booked a hotel), and she got annoyed because I didn’t want to eat at a restaurant that serves pork. I offered to wait at a café and join them later, but she was still upset.
When they picked me up after eating, things got… weird. Elizabeth didn’t even look at me or say hi. The car was quiet, and then she suddenly laughed out of nowhere while still looking away from me. No one had said anything. Julie awkwardly laughed along. It felt very off, like I was being excluded or mocked, but no one said anything directly. Later, Julie told me, “Elizabeth is mad at you.” I was honestly confused because I had already explained my reason and even adjusted my plan to accommodate them.
That same day, she asked my weight. I said 55 kg (around 121 pounds), and she replied that I “look too big” to weigh that much.
She told me (in front of my boyfriend) that her first impression of him was that he wasn’t as handsome as people said and that he dressed like a nerd (when in reality, she knew my boyfriend back in uni and my boyfriend was famous for being good looking and friendly).
On a call, she said: “My life is so good now, I can do whatever I want. Not like you, you stay at home because your mom is still alive, so you can’t live freely.” I explained that I choose to stay home to save money, but she kept insisting that I’m “restricted", that I have to agree with her.
When I told my friends my boyfriend just got a great teaching job, she stayed quiet. Later she said, “Oh, same as your boyfriend, mine (the friend with benefit guy) is still looking for a job,” even though I had literally just said he got one.
What’s making me question everything is this:
She doesn’t treat our other friends like this.
One of my friends even said, “Can you imagine how Julie would react if Elizabeth talked to her the way she talks to you?”
And now I can’t unsee it. It feels like a pattern of her subtly putting me down, minimizing my life, or competing with me.
So how do I deal with this without blowing up our entire friend group? or is it just me overreacting?