Dreams returning after 15 years
My divorce was finalized last month. My ex was awful. I’ve had no sense of loss throughout our separation and through the divorce. I feel mostly shame and as I have grown stronger, a sense of peace. I’ve never lived alone before and find that I really like it (my son is with me full time also but he’s a teenager and fairly self sufficient). The process of divorce is stressful and it has only been a week that all loose ends are tied and I’m finally free.
I remember commenting to my ex over the years how strange it was that I quit dreaming and was in a 15 year dry spell. I’m still not sure why that is but throughout this year I’ve begun to have dreams again. They were brief and transitory but I was happy about it. Then night before last happened.
The dream was fairly neutral but at the end I was alone in a yard of an older house. I sensed that I had adult faculties but that I was a child nonetheless. The scene prior to that was a houseful of people. All the people were taken away to be punished for crimes against me and I became so scared. I looked around for someone to run to for a hug/comfort/something but there was no one there. I cried and woke myself up crying uncontrollably. I cried for about 24 hours straight after waking and cannot begin to describe the pain and depth of grief I was in. It was not grief over my marriage, it was nameless but the thought that recurred was “I’m safe now” I think I was releasing buried trauma from childhood because I couldn’t name it.
I’m about 36 hours away from the dream and I’m fine now - I feel completely normal but wonder if anyone else has experienced anything similar to this or may know what on earth just happened to me?!