Is this where we draw the line?
Just wanted to have a gigantic bitch and moan about the security situation after Saturday. Seems the fun police were out in full force and were refusing entry to a fair few doof sticks, ours included. Apparently the humble doof is now considered “too weapon-like” because, in theory, someone could take it and use it as a weapon. I politely invoked my Fifth Amendment right to bear arms, but sadly the Constitution did not prevail. I’m also hearing rumours that Burnham is personally lobbying for an expansion of the prison estate to deal with the rapidly escalating doof stick crisis. We’re living in dangerous times.
I do think the logic is a little questionable though. There are plenty of large branches scattered around the arena that could do considerably more damage if someone was genuinely intent on committing woodland warfare. Besides if a would be bandit wants to wade all the way into the mixer to take my stick as a weapon of choice then I’d be flattered. I can’t help but feel this was caused by someone up to no good which forced security to be tighter post Saturday. If that’s the case, why can’t people just be nice to each other?
Meanwhile, the main purpose of ol’ faithful is literally just “where the fuck has the posse gone?”And surely there’s an argument that something which helps groups stay together actually makes people safer, rather than removing one of the easiest ways to locate each other in a sea of thousands of people? Which surely outweighs the threat to national security?
Anyway, I’m not asking for the return of the wild west. Just let me wave my little stick around in peace. Have a day off chaps and chapettes or at least give us some formal doof stick terms and conditions!
(In case you couldn’t tell, this post was satire. We still had a belter, but seriously, give us our fucking sticks back?!):