Moving back but need advice.
Hi everyone, I’m 24 and gay, and I’m looking for some advice about my current situation.
I moved to the Palm Springs area in September of last year, but unfortunately, the reason why I moved to palm springs was because my mom getting Had kicked me out in out her place in Virginia. She was financially abusing and manipulating me. She would consistently take large chunks of money out of every paycheck I received, and if I didn’t give her the money, she would threaten to kick me out, cuss me out and say I never help her. She had a job that paid her enough to cover her own expenses, so she wasn’t doing this because she genuinely couldn’t afford to support herself. She had also done other things that I don’t really want to get into.
I honestly feel like she just hated me. She knows that I’m gay, and ever since she found out, she has acted very differently toward me and would get angry with me for seemingly no reason.
Because of all of that, when I was finally able to move out, I chose Palm Springs. I only had around $12,000 left in savings after paying the apartment fees and everything else. I had been trying to save significantly more, but it was difficult because of what was happening with my mother.
The thing is, I absolutely loved living in Palm Springs. I loved being able to go on walks, I loved the gay community, I loved being in California, and I really liked the job market there. In my experience, finding work there was surprisingly easy. The people were also extremely nice and welcoming, especially the Latino community.
Living there left a really big mark on me. I had experiences and memories there that I honestly don’t think I’ll ever forget.
I ended up leaving Palm Springs in November because of personal/financial reasons, but I also have to be honest with myself: I wasn’t very good at managing my money, and I knew I wasn’t financially ready to live on my own yet. Ever since I left, though, I’ve thought about Palm Springs pretty much every day.
I’m currently back in Virginia, and one of my biggest problems is the job market here, especially for hospitality. Before I was kicked out, I applied to somewhere between 40–70 jobs just trying to find a part-time job so I could earn some extra income and build my savings. I barely got any responses. Even getting my main job was extremely difficult and took months. It's so unnecessarily strict here just even just to get a dishwashing job to have some type of income.
I Improved resume multiple times, dress nicely for interviews, and make sure I communicate professionally. Even when I manage to get an interview, I often end up getting ghosted afterward. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Another major issue is that I feel like there really isn’t much of a gay community where I am in Virginia. The gay scene here is performative has also been a really negative experience for me, including dealing with racism from most gay men here. I could honestly go on and on about that, but I don’t want to make this post even longer than it already is.
I’m also currently in college remotely, majoring in computer science. I have almost $19,000 in savings now, which I’m really proud of because I was able to build that back up after everything that happened.
My current plan is to try to move back to Palm Springs in March. I’m still applying to jobs in Virginia because I figure I might as well try to build my savings up as much as possible before then, but it’s difficult when I’m barely getting any responses.
The thing that makes me question whether I should go back is whether I’m being irresponsible by moving again when I already know that I wasn’t financially prepared the first time.
At the same time, I genuinely feel like Palm Springs was the first place where I felt free and like I could actually be myself. I loved being able to walk around, being around other gay people, being in California, and just feeling comfortable in my surroundings. I made memories there that I’ll never forget, and I really want the opportunity to make more.
I’m also thinking about my future. Since I’m majoring in computer science, I’m planning to get a tech internship next summer. If I’m living in Palm Springs and end up getting an internship or opportunity in LA or even San Francisco, I feel like I’d have more opportunities to pursue that than I do where I currently am.
I know Palm Springs isn’t perfect, and I know I need to be much better with my finances if I move back. I’m not expecting the city to magically solve all of my problems. I just genuinely felt happier and more like myself there.
So I’m stuck between two things: staying in Virginia longer so I can try to save more money, even though I’m struggling to find work and don’t feel very happy here, or moving back to Palm Springs in March with around $19,000+ saved and trying to build my life there again.
I’d really appreciate honest advice. I’m not necessarily looking for people to just tell me what I want to hear. I want to know whether moving back with my current savings and situation sounds financially irresponsible, or whether it could actually be a reasonable decision if I’m more careful this time. (Yes my mom let me move back in but she's now asking for money again....)