u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845

▲ 98 r/americandad

Relax, Stan, nothing's going to happen. Punching a meter maid, it's like punching a fat person. No one cares.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 8 days ago

▲ 463 r/americandad

Hey. Hi. I'm just here to pick up Cookie... The, uh... The, uh, girl there on the couch.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 15 days ago

▲ 780 r/americandad

Please, don't make me do this.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 29 days ago

▲ 196 r/americandad

Holy cow, Mr. Klaus, this fish looks exactly like you!

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 207 r/americandad

They're rare butthole eating scorpions. They cost me $2000 each, but then I'm not very good with money, am I Hayley?

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 486 r/americandad

You two motherfuckers are my only grandchildren. All I got to my name is $20,000 and a piece of shit land your sissy great grandpappy won in a game of kickball against some asshole.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 353 r/americandad

I miss you every day, Roger. The other night, I got in the sleeping bag and dutch-ovened myself. For a moment, I thought I could smell you. Then I realized you shit the sleeping bag last year.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 697 r/americandad

Say, do you perchance have any Gatorade? I left all my electrolytes with your daughter.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 227 r/americandad

That's acid in your face, you fine-ass bitch!

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 1 month ago

▲ 304 r/americandad

That's why my dad didn't go to his dad's funeral and why I won't go to my dad's funeral!

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 105 r/americandad

Steve, that's strike one, and you don't get a second. No, wait. You get three. You hear that, everybody?! You get two free fights! I expect you to use them!

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 1.3k r/americandad

"Malls are dying," they say. But if Mr. Javitz hasn't given up, there's no way I can. He is the greatest man I've ever known.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 308 r/americandad

What if that had been a real baby?!

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 118 r/americandad

Images you can hear

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 313 r/americandad

Go to work. Go home.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

▲ 511 r/americandad

No, thanks. That stuff gives me diarrhea.

u/Dizzy_Jackfruit_4845 — 2 months ago

Relax, Stan, nothing's going to happen. Punching a meter maid, it's like punching a fat person. No one cares.

Hey. Hi. I'm just here to pick up Cookie... The, uh... The, uh, girl there on the couch.

Please, don't make me do this.

Holy cow, Mr. Klaus, this fish looks exactly like you!

They're rare butthole eating scorpions. They cost me $2000 each, but then I'm not very good with money, am I Hayley?

You two motherfuckers are my only grandchildren. All I got to my name is $20,000 and a piece of shit land your sissy great grandpappy won in a game of kickball against some asshole.

I miss you every day, Roger. The other night, I got in the sleeping bag and dutch-ovened myself. For a moment, I thought I could smell you. Then I realized you shit the sleeping bag last year.

Say, do you perchance have any Gatorade? I left all my electrolytes with your daughter.

That's acid in your face, you fine-ass bitch!

That's why my dad didn't go to his dad's funeral and why I won't go to my dad's funeral!

Steve, that's strike one, and you don't get a second. No, wait. You get three. You hear that, everybody?! You get two free fights! I expect you to use them!

That last hit was a mistake. I can see that now. I'm too high.

Get me out of here...

You're my baby! You're my baby, and I love you so much! Oh, God!

My eyes! Not again!

"Malls are dying," they say. But if Mr. Javitz hasn't given up, there's no way I can. He is the greatest man I've ever known.

What if that had been a real baby?!

Images you can hear

Go to work. Go home.

No, thanks. That stuff gives me diarrhea.