I mean, what has the mayor of Chicago, Detroit, Los Angeles, Miami, Houston, etc been doing since they were elected? If they’ve done good stuff, why has it not made national headlines like Mamdani has?
So I’ve been playing guitar seriously for the past few years. I’d learned how to play for a short bit when I was a teenager but didn’t stick with it. But now I’m at the point where I know the songs I love basically by heart and often either do finger style stuff or regular plectrum playing, my favorite genres being old country and bluegrass. But even though I’ve never dealt with social anxiety that much (never been afraid to try and make friends I mean, never been afraid to ask girls out, etc), I had a proper panic attack a few weeks ago right before I was meant to go on for my first open mic night performance. Felt sick to my stomach and just grabbed my guitar and case and left and drove home crying, and cried myself to sleep that night.
Well, ladies and germs, it happened again. Only difference is I actually got to the point of sitting down and starting to play. The venue was your typical bar with a stage. And my friend was there in the audience to support me. If I had to count, there were probably 40-50 people in the audience watching.
I was just going to play some Hank Williams stuff I knew by heart. My first song was Cold, Cold Heart. I tried my damndest to not even look at the audience and either look at a back wall or my shoes. But it didn’t work because, once I locked eyes with an audience member, I looked at my friend like 😰 and they kept trying to mouth to me that it’ll be okay, I’m fine, just keep going, that kind of thing.
Even though I finished the song, by the time I was going to start my second one (Half As Much), I could hear my voice trembling, the stagehand nearby looking at me like 🤨…I couldn’t take it and just got up and said “Sorry everyone” and basically ran out as everyone muttered about what just happened. My friend tried to chase after me but I wasn’t hearing it and I again just got in my car and went home.
That was Thursday night. It’s now Saturday evening where I live and I’ve basically been in a drunken depression the past two days, only leaving my bed to take care of my hygiene or get water (when not drinking Jack Daniel’s or Absolut). Haven’t touched my guitar as it’s still in its case and told my aforementioned friend to leave me alone.
I just don’t think I’m cut out for performing this live performance shit, no matter how much I wanted it (don’t want it anymore). I tried getting out of the comfort of my bedroom and this is what happens. I’m just done trying.
Sorry if this doesn’t belong here. I don’t have anyone else to tell.
So I’ve been playing guitar for almost two years. Most of the stuff I know is country and blues as that’s what I was mainly raised on, especially older stuff like from Hank Williams, Waylon Jennings, Robert Johnson, those kinds of guys. I felt like just giving singing in front of others a try since I can sing and play well enough on my own in my room. So I signed up for an open mic, put money down for my spot and got to the venue, didn’t feel that nervous at first.
But the closer I got to it being my turn, the faster my heart rate shot up, I was sweating, felt like I couldn’t breathe and hastily packed up my guitar while the guy ahead of me was still performing. Even one of the backstage guys tried having me stay and try anyway, but I just couldn’t. I got in my car and drove home and cried when I got there. And threw my Martin against the wall while it was still in its hard case (don’t worry it’s completely fine).
I didn’t have a lot of self confidence going in, I don’t mind admitting. I’ve never been good around people in general but thought that since I wouldn’t know anyone in the audience, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I guess it was. I feel like just not even bothering trying it again and just sticking to playing by myself. I feel so ashamed.
ETA: thank you all for the kind advice so far. I just don’t feel like even trying it again, to be fair. I thought I wanted it, but I guess I didn’t. Or the fear of embarrassment is just too great. Or both. I don’t mean to sound like I’m having a pity party. I’m just being honest. I’ll just stick to playing by myself.