Is my best friend male centered? If so, what should I do?
Hey, I have a question. I’ve been asking two people that I know, but I want opinions from people who don’t know me or her at all.
I’ve been best friends with someone for about a year now, and she has a lot of trauma. 2025 was also a really bad year for me mentally, so for the first time I was struggling too. I’m not saying she is the reason for my sadness, but I do think I let myself absorb too much because I had no boundaries with her. I’m someone who genuinely encourages people to talk about their feelings, and I would do anything for my friends.
The problem is that I started noticing she doesn’t actually help herself heal. She keeps going back to the same people who destroyed her mentally, and almost all of them are men. Especially her abusive ex of 5 years who clearly does not love her properly. Yet every single time she cries, spirals, or breaks down, I’m there. I was there financially. I was there at 5 AM. I was there during work hours. I was there every time.
At one point she cheated on her boyfriend with her ex as “revenge” because her boyfriend had betrayed her too. Honestly, that guy was terrible, so I understood why she was angry, but it still wasn’t healthy or okay. When I tried to reason with her, she accused me of judging her and would say things like “I would never judge you.” But to me that’s not even about judging — it’s about recognizing destructive behavior.
Being around all of this for so long genuinely started affecting my own morals and mental state. I had to distance myself for like a month just to feel mentally clear again, and she blamed me for doing that too.
She lives two hours away from me, and I still made the effort to go see her constantly. One time I drove two hours to see her, and while I was literally there, she wanted to leave to go have sex with her boyfriend. I got upset and crashed out because I felt disrespected and unimportant after all the effort I put in. Somehow I still ended up being blamed for reacting.
There’s also this constant back-and-forth between her boyfriend and her ex. It never ends. She cries over one, goes back to the other, gets hurt again, repeats the cycle, and if I step back for my own mental health, I’m suddenly a bad friend.
This time again her 5 yo relationship ex proved her that I’m right and she kept on telling me she’s hurt. She even gave her car she’s taking the bus. Lmao. He was so mean to her that I had to call him as a best friend and tell him to leave her for good. She screamed at me and told me not to do that because he will be 100x mean to her and to leave her alone. I told her that a normal person would’ve not remained silent and I asked her to take care but honestly. I’m motherfucking tired.
At this point I genuinely feel gaslighted and emotionally drained. I care about her deeply, but I feel like her entire emotional world revolves around men and male validation, even when those men are actively hurting her. I honestly think she is male-centered, but she would probably think I’m cruel for saying that.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?