Bakit ako ang guilty?
It feels terrible knowing that I’m the one carrying all the pressure, anxiety, and guilt because I can’t provide for my siblings, especially now that school season is coming.
I had to stop two of my college siblings from continuing their studies for now, and two more are just about to enter high school. What hurts even more is how badly my parents are treating me just because I can’t give enough financially. I’m still in the process of applying abroad, and I really need to save money for my documents, placement expenses, and my own future needs.
I understand that contributing to food and household expenses is non-negotiable, and I’ve been doing that most of the time already. But there are already three of them working, yet somehow I’m still expected to provide for everyone.
I became the breadwinner and gave everything I had when I was the only one working. But now that I no longer have enough to give, it suddenly feels like I have no value anymore.
Sometimes I just want to tell my parents this: we are eight siblings. They chose to have a big family, and they enjoyed creating it. So why is all the burden being placed on us now? They have no right to pressure us endlessly for responsibilities that were never our choice to begin with.
It’s hard being the eldest daughter, the one who always cares the most. I feel guilty all the time, but at the same time, I keep asking myself: why do I always have to carry burdens that I never chose in the first place?