u/Dopamine-Freak

Pe masura ce trec anii, incep sa cred ca poate nu e trecatoare faza cu relatia moarta dupa ce au aparut copii, unii mai trag paiul scurt aia e. Am incercat sa accept ideea ca va fi asa de acum incolo dar nu pot, la 38 de ani sunt prea tanar pentru asa ceva. Am dat tot ce se poate si tot asa e, all for the kids in timp ce noi suntem 2 straini blocati intr-o casa. In ritmul asta sunt pregatit ca in cativa ani sa imi accept apelativul de nenorocit sau ce o fi dar macar sa mai traiesc cativa ani din viata. Prin trait ma refer sa ma simt ca o persoana nu doar un provider. Am incercat toate, singurul lucru care nu l-am incercat e sa ma ocup de toate (sa ma ocup de job si copii in timp ce ea e stay at home mom), nici nu o sa fac asta.

That being said, sunt curios daca sunt persoane pe aici care au facut pasul si cum a fost, inca incerc sa imi dau seama daca e mai bine sa traiesc din inertie, plin de regret sau sa o iau de la capat (nici nu stiu ce e mai rau pentru copii...)

Daca vreti sa comentati ce gunoi sunt etc nu prea are rost, postarea e despre next steps in momentul ala periculos in care nu mai imi pasa ce cred ceilalti

Due to lack of sex, regardless of reasons and efforts, I noticed I have become a bitter person... Now even if wife has good intentions I am just too full of resentment to notice it or feel it. I feel bad at end of the day. (Forget about couple therapy, she never wanted that)

Don't let yourselves reach to this stage, better to become a pain in the ass than shadow of what you were before

I am in a very depressive mood. I am a very ambitious person, I have achieved a lot in life, but what makes it sad its that it doesn't matter, since I made the misstake to have two beautfiul kids with a beautiful wife and now 6 years later we are house mates, sleep apart, have sex once at two months, she is 39 and I am 38. She is constantly tired as a stay at home mom even though kids go to kindergarden and school and I am not asking her anything (I eat what i find, i don't have expectations for her to make me anything). Whatever suggestion I tried to help with this like a nanny or something she refuse, its like she is wired to be exausthed. We frequentlty end in fights for me yelling to the kids to stop being complete assholes, I am guilty for hating my weekends because its basicaly just us running around the kids, I am guility for being grumpy since I have no joy in my life, al day its just work and kids, no time for anyhting else. The "go somewhere just the two of you" doesn't quite work. I think we drifted too much away, probably hate each other two much, but the kids and the financial situation would make divorce a very bad idea (we both love the kids, even though our relationship is destroyed after them, its our fault not theirs).
She doesn't want any kind of therapy, couples or individual. I have been into therapy before but at this stage in the situation it doesn't matter anymore, its a dead end.

So in this context, i just want some depressing movies to watch or something to take my mind from the lyrics of Linkin Park:
"I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter"

Lately, it seems my mind is breaking, I am thinking about sex all the time. Resentment towards my wife has built to the stage i can't stand her lately. Countless cues and discussions, my mind has come to the conclusion that that's it, she is not into it. But my body did not make peace with that, working from home is making this harder. Sometimes I just want to jump on her on the spot but i know that would be assault lol. Last night I went to sleep at 2 am as I was thinking to go in her room and try something risking rejection. It is interfering with my work as sex is all I think lately. I have racing thoughts that she might be attracted by anyone apart me, that raises jealousy and at the same time cuckold fantasies, even though when we do have sex I make sure she always has an orgasm. I feel my mind is breaking, I tried gym, or working from the mall but when I arrive home its the same. I wish I was taken in a mental institution or something. Probably this will end up in a huge divorce lawsuit where we split the kids and house just because a stranger decided to give my broken mind some attention...